So my MIL is off and on JustNo status, skewing towards on lately lol! Our relationship is pretty hot and cold. We’re coming from a cold streak and things are getting warmer again, or so I thought until today.
My daughter has a birthday coming up and unfortunately timing wise, we only have one date that will work for the party because it’s sandwiched between school starting and soccer season beginning. Added bonus that we are traveling the weekend after, so only the weekend before will work because the day itself is on a weekday right after school starts up at our district.
I sent an evite out to my daughter’s birthday party today and my MIL texted me to confirm the date. Kinda weird because it’s on the invitation. I tell her “Yup, it is indeed that weekend on that day.” She then tells me that that date will not work for anyone in her family because half of them are traveling to another family friend’s wedding that weekend in another state. Little background, she is HIGHLY competitive of family functions because her family is not as close as my family is (she’s in denial that she basically farmed out her kids for their friend’s families to raise) and she is extremely salty because she tried to organize a family trip for my husband and his sibling and all their families to come with them on but my husband and his brother work for a company where summer is their busy season, so the company blacks out travel for their employees unless it’s some sort of medical leave/emergency or someone has a baby or something like that. So none of us were able to go because she can’t get it through her thick head that no one can travel in the summer and she only exclusively likes traveling in the summer. Anyways…
She tells me that she’s sad that the family ratio won’t be even because everyone else will be traveling and asked me if there’s any way I could change the date so more people from her family could come and I said “No. this is not a negotiation. This is a letting you know this is what we’re doing situation” and now she’s pouting lol!
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Doesn’t sound like her request is about celebrating your daughter, it’s about one upping. A normal response would be to ask if you could reschedule or suggest if another separate date was available to have cake with your daughter so they could all celebrate her. You are not wrong in being annoyed.
keep your schedule.
I’d rub extra salt in the wound, “MIL numbers don’t have to be even, my child is not a soccer game and nobody should be keeping score. What a strange thing to worry about? Don’t worry, daughter will still have a lot of fun, she’s unlikely to even notice who’s there and who isn’t”
Bless her heart.
She’s just going to need to come to terms with the idea that your plans need to work for your family, and if they happen to also work for her, that’s just a bonus.
Keep on with that momma bear energy. She’ll adjust, or she won’t. Either way, 🤷♀️
This reads like a success story with all the elements.
JustNo logic: even though 50% of her family is traveling, 0% can attend a birthday party. ✅
Silly competitions. ✅
She‘s sad, inferring it’s your job to manage her emotions. ✅
And DIL rightly advises, it’s an invite, not a negotiation, thus putting JN back in her swim lane. ✅
Cue pouting. ✅
You’re doing a great job, Op! Shiny spines all around.
It must be exhausting to be her! So glad you are sticking to your boundaries and not letting her take over.
I would have matched her energy with perhaps the bride and groom can change their wedding date so it doesn’t clash with my child’s birthday…lol