This iskind of hard to explain.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years and have an 11 yr old kid together. In February we split but a couple months ago we decided to try to make things work. The reason our marriage fell apart was because he had a secret gambling/phone game addiction and I started arguing with him about where all our money was going. In 2024, he spent over $20,000 on two phone games. All together it was about $30,000 if you include ATM withdrawals at casinos. Strange things would happen, like me getting locked out of my online banking account and jim having the paper statements sent to his parent’s house… because we rent and it’s safer 🙄.
I ended up going to the bank (joint bank account) and getting the statements and found out everything. He moved out and I asked for a divorce. For our entire relationship I’ve been really close to his mom. We’d go shopping together and go to lunch. All kinds of things. For almost half my life we were really close.
When my husband moved out I figured I was done with his family, but then his mom started texting and calling me all the time. Acting like my best friend. Her dad was in the nursing home I worked at. She’d text me everyday asking if I saw him. Wanting to pick up my daughter. I had my daughter during the week and my husband on weekends. I let her take my daughter during my time. I went to her house to pick up clothes and stuff for her dad. I checked on him everyday. He still referred to me as his granddaughter and told all his CNAs and they’d stop me in the halls to bring him stuff. I thought the divorce was going smooth.
Well, a couple months into the break up my husband tells me all his mom wants to do is talk shit about me and he’s tired of it. He wanted to get our family back together and he realized his mom was the main problem and has been encouraging him to leave me for a while. I read all their text messages going back almost 6 months. She’d tell him she’s only talking to me so he can get full custody of our daughter and take her away from me and she was using me to take care of her dad because at one point he had COVID and then C. Diff and she didn’t wanna catch it. She told him it was my fault he was wasting money on phone games and the money isn’t any of my concern because he makes more than I do. The entire time she’s been sabotaging our relationship by encouraging my husband to behave like a selfish asshole and saying it’s all my fault. All while acting like we were best friends. I even asked her once if she was talking shit about me (because shortly after my husband and I broke up he asked why I was even talking to his mom cause all she does is talk shit) and she said “why would I do that? You’re the mother of my granddaughter. You will always be family.”
I even saw a text where my husband told her to stop it because he was emotionally abusive while he was wasting thousands of dollars a month on phone games and he’s trying to make it right. She replied “DO NOT TELL HER THAT!!”
I was pissed when I read all the texts between them. I texted her and told her that she should be ashamed of herself and she’s a shitty person and I don’t want her around my daughter anymore because she is a liar.
Well, she told her oldest son and he called my husband and said he would take legal action for grandparent alienation if I don’t allow my daughter around her.
I wish I’d never texted her and just went full no contact and not told her anything. But, I don’t think there’s anything she can do since not letting our daughter around her was my husband’s idea. I just feel guilty for starting drama….
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That’s the kind of drama to start. Protecting your kid from someone who speaks badly about you. But let’s reframe without calling it drama.Â
You took a close family member at her word. You checked on FIL daily. You picked up items for FIL at your own effort. You maintained your kid’s relationship with grandma. On your custody time.Â
All of that is KINDNESS. Do not criticize yourself for this!Â
Now you must change. Okay. You have new information and you changed plans.Â
You started your FU notebook in a composition book that reveals if you ever tore pages from it (which you will not!).Â
You dated your entries, 3/5/25, LO to MIL during the week, my initiative. Etc.Â
You wrote down BIL’s threat as reported by hubby. Be clear: you did not hear it and  hubby is a cold hard liar.Â
Kid is with you on your time.Â
Get a written agreement that hubby will not have kid with MIL ever.Â
Go to a lawyer, get copies of those texts, and see what your options are.
You didn’t start drama, she did.
You are being the bigger person by removing yourself and daughter from a toxic person.
This is your husband’s family and it is for him to deal with. Block them.
With work, that’s a harder thing because she has a right to come see her father and she could use that to try to get to you. I would talk to your manager about being alerted when she’s in the building so that you can stay far away.
Get a copy of her messages to him you’ll need them if there is ever a custody issue.Â
As many say here, the moment they threaten grandparents rights, you stop talking to them and go through lawyers only. Honestly, they made it easier for you to go nc and stay NC. Just make sure you document everything and get your house CPS ready.
Once they threaten legal action YOU and HUsBAND no longer speak to them. All communication goes through your LAWYER. I don’t know how you afford one of he’s spent all your money on video games, but you need one at least for
Communication purposes. This “usually” calls their bluff and they back down.
You are not overreacting.
But here is the thing: if you threaten me or my children with grandparents rights that is an automatic permanent no contact same thing for fake CPS calls and threats
Kind of besides the point here but did your husband get help for his gambling addiction before you took him back? If not be careful; as I’m sure you know addicts will do anything to keep their high going including kissing back up to his mom if that serves his purpose at the time.
As for your question, you did nothing wrong and mil should never see your daughter again.
GPR Threats
Lawyer up, grab those text threads, and everything else you have as evidence.
As I have said in the past, be sure to find a lawyer so tough that other lawyers fear seeing them sitting across the aisle.
Mmm, I’ve been thinking my MIL talks shit too, I wanna read her text messages, but I know my head will pop off
Good luck.
Be sure you get screenshots of all those texts and save them somewhere safe from even your husband. If things between you guys fall apart again, you might need them.