I’m 23F and have been single for 10 months now.
Before that, I was in a long term relationship we didn’t meet online and the relationship was pretty toxic. After we broke up, I needed time to heal but also to figure out what I actually want and need in a partner.
Since December I’ve been using dating apps. I wouldn’t say I struggle to get matches or messages I get approached fairly often and have been on quite a few dates. But most of the conversations on the app are super shallow and when it comes to the actual dates, there’s usually no spark or the connection just fades right after.
Some guys only want sex, others ghost, and a few I’ve turned down but always for a good reason.
Now I’m starting to wonder if it’s something about me. I don’t think I’m unattractive, I’m educated, currently studying, and genuinely trying. I’m still new to all of this and naturally a pretty introverted person. I don’t want to pretend to be someone I’m not, but I do try to show interest, reach out first sometimes, keep my life interesting, spend time with friends and just be open.
Still it feels like dating is a never-ending cycle of disappointments.
I’m turning 24 soon, and this entire year has felt like a mix of:
• going on dates that led nowhere
• healing from my past relationship
• getting played by guys who pretend they want something serious when they don’t
By now, I feel like I’ve learned a lot and can spot red flags more quickly but I still feel disheartened. It’s hard not to wonder if I’m just boring or not “enough” in some way.
Has anyone else felt like this? Any comforting words or similar experiences?
I’ve been on 20 dates since December. How is this even real 😭
It’s starting to feel like I’ll never meet someone
Comments
At your age most of the guys on dating apps are just looking to get laid.
Try meeting guys through hobbies and activities you enjoy, or the old fashioned way by letting friends fix you up with people they know.
The frog to prince ratio will never be that great on dating sites these days regardless of anything.
Get off the apps, they are ran through.
I’m 8 years removed from the apps but I did meet my now husband off of them. If real life isn’t really an option, and you’re looking for something serious stick to your guns and push through. Don’t do the casual sex, it’ll cloud your judgement on the smaller signs the men are giving off in intentions. Somehow my demeanour kept most of the sleaze bags at bay and I got great at seeing through the rest. It’s possible, just exhausting.
I feel like it can vary on where you live.
Im male at 24 yrs and I deal with the same thing from apps.
Like others say, maybe try and meet people outside of apps.
I’m 42 and have had the same problem. I’m on 5 dating apps. I’m also Indian (first gen born and brought up in the states- a mix of two worlds). Many white guys are not attracted to Indian girls (so I assume) and India guys are just immature. It sucks. And I want to have kids. At this point im just enjoying my life and not putting much energy into dating.
They’re all kind of the same regardless of age on dating apps. I feel like men see you more as an actual person if you meet them off an app. And yes you are super young. That’s no doubt
Apps are for sex. You won’t find romance there
I’m 24F, became single last year at 23 from a five year relationship so I went through something really similar to you! The first six months of being single I was beyond confused about how to date, my own single identity, etc. everything takes time to figure out. You realize overtime that while it’s important to have self awareness (you seem like you do!), dates not working out doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Most of the time it has to do with chemistry (or lack of).
It’s rare to find someone where the physical, mental, and emotional chemistry is mutual… and even when it is, that doesn’t mean the person can show up for you either (just learned this the hard way)…
I guess what I’m saying is, it’s a shit show out there but it’s not on you. Real love is rare, so don’t expect it, but also always have hope for it because it is out there.
In the meantime, I’m just trying to focus on myself now, have casual sex if/when I feel safe with a person, and if I meet my person then I meet my person.
P.S. avoid the apps. They genuinely messed with my mental health and your dopamine.
dating on apps is hard because social media has ruined people’s expectations.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. If I could go back to age 23, I’d ditch the loser boyfriend I had and just live my best life. Seems we find what we’re looking for when we stop looking and focus on ourselves instead. Try to enjoy time with your friends and family and the right guy will come along.
25M and experiencing the same thing. It’s genuinely difficult, but don’t feel as though it’s anything wrong with you. You are enough, and there are many on the other end hoping to be enough for you once you do find them. If anything, getting the chance to vent with your friends can be cathartic in its own right as it’s rough out there.
There can be many factors at play as well, and sometimes location is apart of that (alongside employment, travel, financial security, ideal place in life at the moment, etcetera). For example, I only just learned that my area is apparently known for being so reserved to the point that conversation rarely goes anywhere.
Apparently I was only able to potentially find a promising connection from a woman who was visiting and just returned to the next province over (state for any US redditors), but even if nothing romantic comes of it, atleast a new friend has emerged.
You’re at the wrong place.
The guys you’re looking for aren’t in those apps. They feed the algorithm, is not about helping you find “true love”, it’s about keeping you hooked long enough, so they can monetise that spiral of despair. “Just one more swipe…”
Anyway, the guys you’re looking for aren’t met the old fashioned way: going outside.
I know, I know. Those are scary words for 2025, but trust me: it’s far better out there.
Go into activities/hobbies you enjoy, it’s like brands and advertising. How are you supposed to know that you want some “Minimum-obligation38” if you’ve never heard of it?
I avoid those apps like the plague cause they’re full of weirdos. I’ve already met my fair share of weirdos and cray-cray IRL, I’d rather not skip the whole “get me out of here” scenario I get in person. Safety first!
Dating apps are terrible I’ve been using them for 3 years and have had no luck what so ever romantically or sexually but I have the added difficulty of being trans and a lesbian. On the flip side I’ve made friends and met some really cool people.
I sometimes also think there is just something wrong with me and have to remind myself that dating is really hard these days and I have just had bad luck.
What does it look like when there is a spark? Do you, an introvert, expect to spark on the first date?
I was like you 20 years back. That one long term relationship is the only exclusive relationship I’ve ever had.
I find that the apps foster an environment where everyone is disposable. There is always someone better around the corner.
I’m not a particularly flirty person, so I really struggled. I’ve got zero chat game.
Guys rarely wanted to meet in person, when you tell them your availability, they never commit to anything. I assume it’s because they are hoping for a better offer.
Honestly I found the whole process dehumanising and I eventually realised that I’m actually happier not looking.
I’ve got a long term situationship at the moment. I’ve decided that it’s enough for me at the moment.
No spark on the first 3/4 dates is ok in my opinion. Just find out what kind of person they are. Would you want to be their friend?
Chemistry will show later once you start bringing physical touch into the conversation.
Also if they are a little awkward about physical touch and flirting – when things aren’t quite smooth – can be a good sign about them not being a fuckboy/player.
im 25 and in the same situation. to be fair, i’ve had mostly positive interactions on these apps (im fairly picky and think i have a good sense for weeding out weirdos) but ive been single for 2.5 years now and haven’t even gotten close to anything serious so far. i’ve always had trouble meeting new people and making new friends, and don’t really have any “social” hobbies i could join clubs for, so the apps are my only option i fear 😭
Maybe you should try meeting someone through a shared hobby?
It’s not you.
I quit dating around 40, about 10 years after my divorce I just decided it wasn’t worth it anymore.
I had been through a lot, and given how independent I am, it was difficult for men to date me. And women would never approach me or it would never go anywhere. I’m also disabled and asexual (not that I don’t have sex, but I don’t experience sexual attraction like others do). I quit dating, quit caring about sex (maybe easier as an asexual lol), quit caring about anything but building myself UP and caring for myself. All that time spent on dating and sex and relationships, I went inward and spent on myself.
If I happen to meet someone, great. If not, also great. I’m so comfortable with who I am that I’m not doing or trying to do anything different than what serves my highest good and the people around me, not some random man that may or may not have the best of intentions.
Also, another thing I have learned is when you are a kind and considerate person, there are a lot of people in the dating world that will take advantage. Taking myself out of the dating pool has improved the quality of my relationships. I’m no longer associating with people that just want to take advantage of me, in hopes of them providing something I can provide for myself – acceptance, care, and love.
Keep in mind that if you’re dating in good faith looking for a solid, long-term partner, man or woman, the dating pool already slims a fair bit. On top of that, you’re looking for someone who wants the same type of relationship that you do, which narrows the pool significantly. You’re also looking for someone with whom you share mutual attraction, which narrows the pool even more for each type of attraction necessary (emotional, sexual, intellectual, etc..). If you’re straight, then you effectively halve potential prospects because you’re looking for a man, and the pool of men worth dating is considerably smaller than the pool of women worth dating. Not only that, if you’re interested in dating men your age, the waters can be extremely muddy.
Statistically speaking, actually finding someone you’ll feel happy, content, and fulfilled to continue dating in the long term (and who will feel the same about dating you) is going to mean sifting through a lot of people about whom you won’t feel this way. All of those missed connections are missed connections for a reason, don’t let them dull your shine.
It’s incredibly hopeful that you mentioned taking time to decide what you want in a partner. That’s incredibly important. Equally important is working on yourself and learning how to be happy alone, which also helps in figuring out what you want and need in your partner.
I’ve mentioned it on other posts, and this seems like a decent time to bring it up again.. If you approach dating by putting the intention into the universe that you want to find your person, and then follow that up with the action of actively seeking out your person by dating around, it’s going to take a lot of legwork to find them. If you approach dating by putting the same intention into the universe, but follow it up by living your life and doing you, your person will pop up, you just have to notice them.
Edit to add: I wanted to mention something about how doing it right can’t be rushed. You may find your person tomorrow, or maybe in your 30’s, but you will feel just as elated, fulfilled, satisfied, all the good feelings, finding them in 20 years as you would in finding them tomorrow.