I’m in kind of a weird situation right now. I’m eastern european but I was born and raised in western europe. I’m currently back in my home country for vacation. I can speak the language but it’s a bit rusty since I don’t use it often anymore. Since I got here one thing I’ve really noticed is how insanely attractive the girls are. Like genuinely some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I want to go up and talk to some of them maybe flirt or just start a conversation. But I keep holding back because I know I won’t sound as smooth or confident as I want to. My grammar is a bit off I forget words sometimes and it makes me feel kind of awkward. Because of that I’ve mostly been staying home or just keeping to myself when I go out. And I hate it. I didn’t come here to sit around but every time I think about approaching someone I start overthinking it. I worry they’ll hear my accent or notice my mistakes and not take me seriously. It’s weird because back in the west I’m confident. I don’t hesitate like this. But here even though I technically belong I feel like I’m caught in between. I look like I fit in but I don’t feel like I fully do.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation I’d really appreciate any honest advice on how to handle something like this. How do you push past that hesitation and just go for it even when you feel a bit out of place?
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Shieeeeet you ain’t gonna talk to them again may as well try it
From a eastern european born and raised in eastern european some wont even consider you a eastern european but as a foreigner. So you speaking the local language even with an accent it would be amazing.
Think it like this, you are unique and interesting because few are like you. Your accent will be a great conversation point. If you feel like starting in english you can also do that but success with the local language will be much more.
Odds are that the country has itself different dialects and ways of speaking depending on the region so nothing different there. I used to feel bad when people made fun of my pronunciation when i went to the capital but after a bit i learned to enjoy it and tease back that they speak wrong and all my girlfriends outside my region have found my dialect/accent even a plus.
Yep. Born in eastern Europe. Raised in western part and even lived in the isles for a while. Now living in a Slavic country as of late. And it’s the best! I get both cultures. Thou I feel like a tourist sometimes but it’s not as bad. Of course the women here are just drop dead gorgeous and I’m still getting used to it haha. The advice is: it starts with you. Get to know yourself as a man and figure your own game as you go see what works and what doesn’t, every culture has its nitpicks. Socialising is key. Be genuinely interested and read the room well. Most of all have fun. Remember interaction creates attraction. No matter where you go. Good luck!
This boils down to 2 things, either you will or you wont. Are you going to be ok in 10 years and single think you would of made the same decision. I also wont speak with women, however for me it doesnt seem to worry me thats ive been single, then after alot of research it turns out it (for me) it was a reason, i have a phobia of women in a social setting, in that i cant trust them long term, so it was more self preservation on multiple fronts, my future life was better to not be taking the risks of short term (unlikely) happiness.
So for you, will you regret not taking the opportunity while you have it, or is there another deep seated yet unknown reason you are not talking to them you have not explored as there was for me.
I know exactly how you feel. I left when I was just 10 so that’s the extent of my vocabulary. Flirting is super hard because it’s not just not knowing the words, but any references or slang terms are hard too. I recently came back after 15 years away since my previous return, and while I can have daily conversations, anything deeper is hard. Can’t even talk about politics, constructions, or tech, because I don’t even know the words, because a 10 year old wouldn’t have known those words. Only way to actually get good is to spend years there.
I go to a country where I feel in place.
You won’t like to hear this. You just have to do it, The more you think about it the more you will talk yourself out of it. Just do it, knowing full well that nothing might ever occur out of it. If nothing comes of it you have gained experience so the interaction was not a waste.
Yes this feeling of “almost belonging” but not quite fitting in is deeply familiar to a lot of people who grew up between cultures. You’re not alone in that.
What you’re experiencing isn’t just about language it’s about identity. You’re fluent enough to survive, but rusty enough to feel like a tourist in your own story. And that gap between how you see yourself and how you fear others might see you is what’s fueling your hesitation.
But here’s the truth: most people aren’t judging your accent or grammar as harshly as you are. In fact, many will find it endearing, intriguing even attractive. The key isn’t sounding perfect; it’s sounding genuine. Confidence isn’t about having flawless language it’s about owning your place in the room, accent and all.
So how do you move forward?
Start small. Smile at someone when you pass them. Ask for directions, even if you don’t need them. Get used to hearing your voice in that space again. And when you approach someone, own it:
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That kind of vulnerability? It’s disarming. It’s honest. And it’s powerful. You’re not stuck between worlds. You are both and that’s not a weakness. That’s a story most people never get to live. Let yourself be seen in that in-between. That’s where all the magic tends to happen.
You could always say sorry if my(insert the name of the language) isn’t good, can we talk in English?
And relex. Don’t think a rejection is the end of the world, don’t look desperate as well.
lean into the accent. You’ll sound exotique.
You build confidence in something by doing it repeatedly.
It’s kinda how everything else works, like typing this stuff, ya know?
Just don’t think about it much
You need to start being comfortable with rejection. Go out one night and talk to a lot of women and plan on getting rejected every single time. You can say something stupid so you’ll know you’ll get rejected. Tell him you’re just waiting on the results from your STD test and then you’d like to go date them.
It’s building up a resistance to it. Rejection is hard and you need to develop a tolerance to it. This will also help give you confidence that you need.
Since when girls care about the accent? If you’re attractive, they’ll think it’s hot. If you’re not, it won’t matter even if you’re a linguistics professor.
Anxiety and low confidence is what’s a turn off to girls, not the accent. Own it like it’s your brand signature
Tbh, I thought this was going to be some “I’m a white male and I’m feeling oppressed in America” post.