I (17 F) live with my parents (obviously) and to be fair we haven’t had the best relationship for a while. But that’s not the main point. Anyways, my family is pretty unhealthy and they don’t really care about wellness at all. My younger brother’s overweight, so is my dad, and my mom just lives off super processed foods. I work at a clinic and generally love medicine so I decided I was done with that lifestyle, and learned to cook myself healthy meals. It took a while but my cooking’s pretty good now, and I really enjoy making my meals. Because of my job, I have to leave the house before 6 every morning and get home late. (so I do my meal prep in chunks of several days worth of food) Recently my food’s been disappearing without anyone asking for it, and I’ve been left without lunch and dinner several times, with just sucks. A bit ago, I made pad Thai (with peanuts) and I noticed it went untouched. For more context, my mom has a nut allergy, not super severe so we can have some in the house, she just can’t eat it. Later that week I made a salad that had almonds, and it also didn’t get stolen. I figured my mom was the one eating my food, and I got the idea to incorporate nuts into more of my meals. Since then, I’ve been able to eat well and enjoy my hard work, but I also wonder if I’m just being cruel. Mind you, if she just asked, I’d be fine making extra, it just feels unnecessary and rude to steal my food, knowing I don’t have time to make myself more in the morning. Advice?
AITA for purposely making food my mom can’t eat?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA but your mom is a pig. Cooking isn’t fun and takes up time. If I cook enough food to plate for the week then the last thing I want to see is plates disappearing and I would definitely criticize my mom for it.
Mom is in the wrong here.
NTA. But if your parents are paying for the groceries, you should offer to add some meals for your mom without nuts, as long as she agrees to leave your meals alone.
INFO: who buys the groceries and what are the general assumptions/conventions around sharing food in your family?
NTA, you are working hard and trying to get your nutrition in order. Your mother is inconsiderate and self involved.
I think your (respectful, loving) first step would be to truly ask if she’d/they’d. like or enjoy starting to eat together or even just have you cook some food prepared for all of you that is like what you’ve been making. (OF course your offer would ABSOLUTELY INCLUDE THE parts of conversation that say you box your food for the week and that should not be taken! And include the SENTENCE “IF WE ALL PITCH IN EQUALLY!!!!!)
Do not even start an offer that doesn’t strongly suggest that part. Equally paying for this. I totally understand your situation and commend your efforts. Not everyone understands how bad the prepared foods are, also not everyone likes to cook. Or maybe they’ve never been offered such things.
As much as I appreciate my daughter in law, a freaking corn dog is not dinner for my grandchildren!! Nor is a bowl of corn because that’s what she likes today…mother of mary…where did nutrition knowledge go. Of course I will not let it go without saying that people on a very low budget are HARD PRESSED to afford real food.
And the generations go on.
Looking forward to OPs answers to questions posed or her thoughts on suggestions.
NTA. I don’t get this. Why steal food from anybody like this, much less a working child. She should be proud of you instead of taking advantage. When you get tired of nuts, you can leave a note on a dish saying something like, “do you want to stop taking my food Mom?” She can stop without anyone else finding out about it.
NTA, but label all foods with nuts
NTA
And a roomie that won’t buy decent food, but has no problems with burning through my groceries is grossly inconsiderate. Especially when I have a limited supply, and wind up missing meals.
If you’re willing, and your mom chips in on buying supplies, you could make extra for her, if you’re interested.
If not, there are all kinds of recipes out there that include nuts. 😋 Enjoy!
Be open and honest about it. Have a calm discussion and say it’s not fair on you as you are prepping for work th e next day! But compromise; ask her to leave your stuff alone for work and that you’ll incorporate more in way of meals for her to eat. Nut allergy is dangerous! And best not to take chances with it. After all you love your mum you wouldn’t want to come home and find your mum is no longer here!
Your mother is doing this as a power play, so she doesn’t deserve any accommodation. She is using her actions to say: “Piss on you.” Keep adding nuts to everything. Sprinkle chopped nuts over the top of the food in the container. Don’t turn it into a discussion, or you will be blamed and criticized. Just keep quiet, add lots of visible nuts, and carry on with your life. Good for you for breaking the chain of your family’s disgusting eating habits. Hopefully, soon you will have your own place and won’t have to deal with this.
I don’t think that’s so wrong. Perhaps make a few healthy meals for the whole family. See if they like it and then show mom how to prep. Keep yours separate and if it still disappears, then say something. And make a shopping list of healthy items to share with them
NTA.
You’re doing meal prep for you, not your mom. She’s not even offering to pay for the ingredients or asking you to make her a nut free option.
Next, make peanut butter cookies:)
NTA. You have to do what you have to do. If your mom is too lazy to cook for herself, too bad.
NTA.
ESPECIALLY if you were the one buying the ingredients to make your food.
You’re right though – if your mom had ASKED, then you wouldn’t have had a problem with making her a portion. But she didn’t. She acted like a lunch thief from a company fridge. And now she can’t complain to you about the nuts you’re putting in your food because it’ll prove that’s she’s the one that’s been stealing your food.
NTA
If she asks “why do you add nuts to everything” “Oh, for extra protein and antioxidants and I love the flavor. They’re so good for you.” Period. End of story. “Can you make something without nuts?” “No, because every time I do someone in the house eats it all before I even get off work. Its exhausting.” Lmao.
Your NTA
I think you are on the right path.
Just ignore mum stealing because that will lead to arguments.
Just sprinkle nuts on top of your food so it’s visible. Nuts are healthy so it’s not strange you would add them in your food and the bonus of no one eating it while you’re working.
Reminds me of the story of the roommate and her child, they would steal her cooked food. She learnt that they didn’t eat vegetables. So now even her lasagne/mac’n’cheese had vegetables. Roommate got huffy but couldn’t outright demand she not put vegetables in HER food.
You are the little Red Hen and that’s alright. Kudos for figuring how to preserve your meals. Also I’m sorry you have toxic fam life. That part is sad
No my dear you are not the a*****e. Your mom, on the other hand, is bordering on AH territory but is also NTA, just maybe stubborn.
Let me share an anecdote: my middle son is a chef (now, 45y/o) who never really seemed interested in cooking as a teen, but he’d always sort of “hover” while I cooked – not like “here’s dinner” cooking, but when I did it up: chicken and dumplings was his most “interested-in” dish that I made because, I assumed, that he could use the dough to make boobies with – which he did CONSTANTLY, the little shit even baked one once unbeknownst to me and took it on the school bus!!! (Jeremy! I hope you stumble upon this long LONG after I’m gone and not a second before then! If in doubt that this is momma, “LKM knows about the sock vortex” you little enormous shit. I love you!)
Anyway, one night my hubby and J decided to surprise me as I got home from work. This little man made a complete meal of this pasta dish, veggie sides including asparagus which he did flawlessly – so goshdarned tender and bright green with zero burnt and crispy ends, as well as cookies for dessert (??? That was his dad’s idea), and I was a bit upset because he did so much better than me yet I hadn’t “taught” him – only my daughter. (Times were different then but not really)
The point is that I was jealous of my teenaged son’s cooking!!! A grown-assed woman who’d been doing this for decades! I think the worst part to me was that I didnt teach him to do this; should I have? What would he have accomplished had I supported his passion? What if I had known that J was into cooking??? Why am I jealous? I should be proud! That last part really bit for a while… For the record, I praised the heck our of the meal and every meal he has provided me since. Still, it took me hitting myself with the clue-by-four and getting over this weird and petty feeling. Ultimately I am thankful that my kids did turn out okay.
Anyway, long story short: perhaps your mother keeps stealing your meals because they are just super foocking good but she’s too prideful to admit it? Lol probably not though, she’s probably tired from working, hungry, and the last thing that she wants to do to handle a little hunger is to fix herself a meal when you have healthy stuff right there 😉
Let me offer a suggestion my dear: make enough of the stuff you like for the both of you! She clearly won’t tell you that she likes your cooking but is obviously consuming it unbeknownst to you, so that should tell you what you need to know. Additionally, it means that YOU are providing your mother with actually healthy food (unlike what you state that your familial diet typically is), and perhaps – just maybe, this could strengthen your relationship with your mother. If anything, this may keep her in your life for longer!
TL DR: you’re NTAH, your mom is stubborn, and you should welcome her into your health journey by including portions of your health food for her!!!
INFO: Is she allergic to peanuts and almonds? Usually, it’s one or the other.
Plus, most people would do the same thing, especially if it was someone at work stealing their food.
NTA. Good on you for taking the initiative to eat healthy.
Can I have your recipes please 🙏
INFO: have you considered getting your own mini fridge?
NTA. Smart decision.
Does it really need to be said that mothers shouldn’t steal food from their children?
NTA just continue to keep the nuts highly visible, and if she asks state you enjoy the texture. But I doubt she will
NTA. Keep adding nuts.
Have you considered making a salad without nuts for your mom and just giving it to her?
NTA; Maybe try cooking extra without nuts for everyone to enjoy when you have the time. The family can learn to be healthy and see that healthy food can be flavorful and taste good. It could bring you guys closer together.