So I’m 22 (f). I’ve been going through a lot lately and I figured I’d take time for myself and go to a local festival my city was having. I went by myself and got an elephant ear and sat down on some grass under a big tree under some shade. I had my headphones on and was just enjoying my time alone, thinking and relaxing. People were everywhere and sitting in the grass in the shade by me since it’s ungodly hot outside. I hadn’t even finished my food when an older guy, probably about 50 sat down in front of me in the grass facing me. I was weirded out immediately since he was only about 6 feet away from me.
I slid my headphones around my neck and said hi and asked him if he needed something. He said he didn’t need anything and asked if it was okay if he sat with me. I didn’t want to be rude but told him I’d rather sit alone. He ignored me and started trying to talk to me about my band t shirt I had on. I looked straight at him and put my headphones on and turned up my music and went back to eating my elephant ear. He kept talking. I ignored him for a couple of songs (about 8-10 minutes) and when I looked up he was still talking to me.
At this point I assumed this guy must be mentally ill and took my headphones back off and asked him again to please leave me alone. That’s when he got creepy saying, “I’m sorry but you’re so beautiful.” He went on to ask for my number, ask where I lived, and asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him he couldn’t have my number and that I have a boyfriend and I’m not telling him where I lived. He then said if I give him my number he wouldn’t tell my boyfriend. I said no thanks and figured he’d just leave. He did not. He kept making up reasons I should give him my number saying stuff like we could just be friends. I told him no offense but I have enough friends and if he could leave me alone so I could enjoy my time. He wouldn’t leave and kept insisting. I eventually just grabbed my elephant ear which was getting hard at this point and just got up and started walking to find somewhere else to sit. I walked maybe half a block and sat back down. I put my headphones back on and not even 5 minutes later he was back, sitting in front of me.
I got frustrated and started raising my voice at him telling him to leave me alone. He was basically begging me to “hang out” with him and give him my number. At this point I was yelling at him to leave me alone. People started looking my way and some group of teens/ young adults my age came over and asked if I was okay. I said no and that the guy sitting across from me won’t quit following me and harassing me and that I didn’t know him. He tried to tell them what we were dating and just got into an argument. I told him to fuck off and that we weren’t dating.
I got up and walked away with the group of people and they said I could hang out with them if I wanted to. I sat down with them and thanked them for helping me. I enjoyed the rest of my time and actually made some friends. Maybe about an hour and a half later I said my goodbyes and ordered an Uber home. I didn’t see the guy around anymore so I figured I was safe. I had to walk a few blocks to meet my Uber since the road was closed off for the festival. I sat down on a bench outside of the business I was supposed to be getting picked up at. I was looking at my phone, watching my Uber get closer and I heard someone go “hey you”. It was the guy. I wanted to cry. I didn’t say anything, I just went inside of the business until my Uber got there. He was still sitting outside when I walked outside and he asked if he could get a ride with me. I didn’t say anything and just closed the car door and went home.
My good day had turned into an infuriating, creepy, scary one. The guy had obviously followed me the entire day. My boyfriend is disabled so I figured I’d tell someone just in case this guy figured out where I live. I told my boyfriend and he was pissed and said that even though he’s sick he’d still kick someone’s ass if they tried to break in. I also told my older brother and he said I was stupid for not leaving and that I was just looking for attention. He said that if it really bothered me I would have went home. I tried to explain to him that I didn’t want to go home and wanted to have a good day there. He told me I was stupid for making a scene like I did (the part where I yelled and the group came over). He hung up on me because I kept trying to justify myself, but now I just feel stupid. I have a feeling he’s right and that I should have just gone home instead of drawing a scene to myself. I shouldn’t have had to go home because of some creep but I shouldn’t have drawn it out longer than I did either. Aitah for not just going home?
Comments
Call the police. NTA
>At this point I assumed this guy must be mentally ill
Unfortunately many if not most of the men like this are not mentally ill. They simply don’t care about you and won’t take no for an answer. And many of them will take you having a boyfriend as a challenge, not a hint to go away.
NTA.
NTA. Your brother is wrong and honestly, most men just don’t get the fear of being harassed. It’s always on women to not make a scene and accept harassment which is utter bullshit.
>I also told my older brother
>>He told me I was stupid for making a scene like I did
Stupid for making a scene over a person stalking and harassing you? Who then stalked you to a second location and tried to get into your ride with you? Your brother thinks that was a stupid thing to make a scene over?
Fuck… sounds like your brother might be the type to follow a girl around a festival and not take no for an answer…
NTA
Absolutely NTA. This is creepy AF. The fact that he followed you around all day? Trust your instincts. You know this is insane.
NTA – As A Creepy old guy myself at 48 😉
I would never bother a 20s something girl like this nor do I think it is right. You were right to call attention to yourself, in fact if Id have been around I would have driven your point across to the guy and made sure he took a hike. Would have dropped him if this happened to my wife and I was around, and honestly I would have done the same for you or other person in distress, kids, adults, male, female it doesn’t matter, I don’t put up with Randoms harassing anyone around me. And I have no problem throwing my weight around if needed and I’m 6’2″ 240lb, and into Viking reenactment, have been for years. I look and live the part as its as much part of my personality as it is a hobby.
Guy was clearly a creep and most likely mentally ill, but that doesn’t give him the right to harass you. You did the right thing drawing attention to yourself. Only thing you could have done differently is walked with some of your new friends when getting your uber for safety. But then again you thought he finally took the hint, I get it, probably would have thought the same.
NTA your brother is. You didn’t do anything wrong. Call the police if it happens again
NTA
If I had a brother like that, well I wouldn’t after that…
This read like the opening scenes of a horror movie I’m glad you’re safe. The guy had to be mentally ill and probably has some kind of record,that kind of behavior just can’t go unnoticed or be something he started yesterday.
NTA you basically had to make a scene in order to protect yourself, and lucky that the people you met ended up being pretty cool. it’s so creepy that he kept trying to talk to you. some men just can’t take no for an answer! i am so sorry that happened to you OP. your brother sucks and your bf sounds like a good guy
Nobody knows how creepy this dude actually is. Im sorry for you. This guy should be reported because he wont stop.
What the hell is an elephant ear?
Your brother is a moron. Why in the hell is he victim blaming his own sister? NTA.
No you have a right to being left alone
NTA. Your brother is an asshole thou.
Always make a scene. Men rely on women being quiet, not making a fuss, not making a scene, to continue with their creepy, intrusive behaviour.
NTA. Your brother is huuge dick for blaming you
I’m betting the guy was very disturbed/mentally ill. Usually the ones that delusional are
I’m sorry your day turned out to crappy
I would go low contact with your brother for awhile
Your brother is an asshole for yelling at you.🤬 If I were you I would go no contact with him cause obviously he don’t give a shit about you and will always blame woman for stuff they don’t want from a “boy” not a man. Stay safe and my prayers go out to you
NTA We need to normalize making a scene about this sort of thing sooner. Quit trying to placate creepy guys. (I get being worried about violence, but when it’s crowded it’s easier to get attention and find someone else to help.)
Your brother is looking at it from a point of male prejudice and sexism. Would he have gone home if it was a woman acting like this towards him? Would he have considered staying drawing things out to make a scene if the roles were reversed? Your boyfriend reacted appropriately to you being harassed, and so did that group who helped you and let you hang out with them. Your brother was an AH.
The reason ur brother is saying that is because he was that old man before and he’s salty still. Nta next time just start yelling rape and see how quick he leaves
Your brother is a raging AH. I cannot believe how stupid his commments were to you. Anyway, you were NTA to that man. That had to be so scary and frustratiing. You may want to consider getting some pepper spray, just in case. I know your head will be on swivel looking for him. Hopefully, he creeped back into the sewer where he came from.
Good Lord NO! NTA nor even overreacting in the LEAST!!! Oh girlie I’m sorry you had to deal with this degenerate f**ker, and I’m sorry to say that it hasn’t changed in the 70 years that I’ve been here, so ALWAYS do what you did when you feel threatened. Hell girlie get some Bear Spray or something … stronger. As to your “brother,” he is clearly NOT a protector. I would almost certainly cease contact if my brothers basically blamed me for the actions of unhinged men, or at the very least understand that they can no longer be counted in to have your back. I’d also tell my parents (I was a vindictive b-word in my day).
Your brother is probably a creep around women too so he identifies with this guy. You shouldn’t have your day ruined because of some sick fuck, and if you had just gone and sacrificed your day like that dumbass thinks, then you wouldn’t have met those kind people. Fuck him and his opinion NTA
NTA. I’m sorry but your brother was being an idiot. You should be able to go to an event and feel safe and not be bothered. Your brother probably does stupid things like that with girls and didn’t like seeing that it was found to be creepy and unpleasant. Why does it fall on the female to dress to avoid attention, leave to avoid attention, accept the harrassment to avoid a scene??? Why is it considering attention seeking if we don’t give up and choose to stand up for yourself?
You did the right thing. Next time go straight to security and report the person. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings or them being made to leave, those are the consequences to their actions. Also, if someone bothers you go up to a group and ask of you can stand with them because someone is harrassing you and you dont feel safe. Large groups are grate deterrents. Always be aware of your surroudings when alone, especially when leaving an event, bar, party.
The dude and your brother are creeps.
That is stalker behavior 101- If anything you were too nice. Though I don’t think it would have mattered with this creep.
NTA. He was a creeper.
NTA
Your brother is TA for basically victim-shaming you.
This creepy older guy needs to be hard checked by the cops or friends of yours.
Such an odd sequence
Almost sounds like it was an act…for like TikTok or something?
NTA & apparently your brother is the same kind of creep.
NTA your brother is a dick. Are women supposed to just lock themselves inside all day??? Why should you be punished because other people don’t know how to behave?
Ugh! i am so glad that you DID make a scene. These kind of creeps could be anything from just utterly naive to human traffickers. Other people around you is one of the safer methods. And you did leave…a few times! The jerk kept following you! SHAME on your brother for saying you “just want attention”. Sounds like he’s been listening to the wrong type of podcasts. If this were a crime novel, he’d be my first suspect for WHY you went missing. What a jerk.
In a perfect world you wouldn’t have to leave and this guy would have accepted your rejection. Not the world we have, though. Not when there are “alpha male/alpha female” types online telling others that they don’t have to accept rejection. Keep harassing the person, keep getting in their face. I am glad that you are safe. Don’t let your brother’s opinion cloud your judgement.
A random suggestion that just popped into my head. Take the guy’s photo next time and/or do a live stream claiming that he won’t leave you alone and you’re afraid he might be trying to human traffic you. Public place, you’re allowed to live stream, right? I’m not a lawyer and could be completely wrong on this.
NTA
You did the right thing. This guy should know his behaviour was unwanted, not cool, and scary. I would have don’t the same.
Drawing attention is also how you get help in emergency situations. Way to go, girl. You did everything right.
Your brother is one, however. He should have had your back.
If women should stay at home to protect themselves from men’s behaviors, we’d never go out at all…not for work, school, shopping, coffee, or meet up with friends. The very notion is ridiculous.
PS I’m proud of you!
NTA. Your brother ITA, and that creep too.
You did the right thing by calling attention to yourself, and I hope you feel confident enough to always make a scene in public.
Never feel like walking away somewhere less crowded cause you made that scene. Stay near large groups, call them out loudly and firmly, and UBER/get escorted to a safe mode of transportation if you can.
This sounds so unsafe for you and I’m happy it didn’t end up worse.
I think you handled it perfectly well. You don’t owe anyone, much less strangers, any info about your private life. Making a scene is also perfectly acceptable if whatever you’ve tried before that isn’t working. You don’t have to leave just because some creep won’t. Remember, autonomy is your best friend. Finding allies was awesome! Your brother is an idiot.
NTA but your brother is. Safe to say if he saw a young woman in the same predicament you found yourself in, your brother would not help her but would think she brought this upon herself. You shouldn’t have to leave and go home because someone is harassing you. Too bad there wasn’t a police officer close by. At least some young people came by to help you. Kudos to them for doing so. Honestly, I can’t decide who’s worse, the AH who was harassing and scaring you or your brother who blamed it all on you.
NTA. Why should you have to leave an event because some creep doesn’t know how to behave? You did exactly as you should have except maybe you could have escalated to calling the cops. I’m not going to say what I think about your brother, but his thinking that a creep stalking you means you’re seeking attention gives off some incel vibes.
Your brother is an AH
NTA. Trust your gut. That guy was a massive creep. Thank heavens you escaped him.
Your brother is a massive, massive AH. He has no clue.
NTA:
Your brother’s a fucking idiot and your boyfriend is a champ. Please go to the police and report that creepy stalker. You were right not to go home!!
You did right. I am glad people came to help you.
I’m sorry there are still creepy people like this out there in the world.
Never doubt any action you choose that protects yourself. Every situation is different.
You were not at fault.
NTA, you were being harassed and stalked. Your brother is an AH and honestly an imbecile. Honestly, save your braincells from being fried and stop talking to him cause yikes
NTA, and your brother is a victim-blaming jerk. You shouldn’t have to abandon your plans or hide at home just because some men don’t care about boundaries, consent, or harassment. Making a scene was a good idea, and in your shoes, I’d have called 911 when he followed you to your Uber pick-up spot.
You in OR? Just a guess from “elephant ear.” I’m in Portland and this story infuriates me; Iggy Pop would’ve not approved of that dude.
NTA
Your brother is an idiot and kind of a terrible brother. I say that as both a brother to a sister and a father to a daughter.
Why on earth should you go home because someone was being an asshole to you? Why should you pay that price? And making a scene was exactly what you should have done, and what worked. If anything, you would have been justified in escalating earlier and more, but that’s easy to say in retrospect.
NTA. Always make a scene. Always be rude. Take their picture, report to security.
People like this creep prey on peoples social niceties. As soon as you said no and he ignored you, he has lost every right to any polite interaction.
He was potentially dangerous. He targeted you because you were alone. Predators see that as an easy target. They try and make you the bad guy for not accepting their inappropriate behavior.
I’m really glad there were people there who reached out and helped you.