I’ve been with my girlfriend for three years now, dating since 10th grade in high school. I love her a lot, but recently I feel like I’m trapping her in a relationship.
Over the past few months I’ve grown so extremely depressed that I can barely do anything. She and I are night and day. She’s going into her second year at an amazing medical university, while I’m still doing first year courses. She’s flourishing in university and has a great friend group, while I quite literally have no friends. She has a full time summer job and I was able to only get a job that give me one shift a week. We live an hour and a half apart, but I can barely visit her because I don’t have a drivers license.
I just feel like she’s stuck with me and that she could do so much better. I always feel like I’m being a nuisance when I contact her.
I don’t even know if I’m mentally well enough to be in a relationship right now. I’m a pretty shitty girlfriend.
I really want what’s best for her and I’m wondering if that’s breaking up with her.
I’d really appreciate any advice
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Break up with her so she can find someone who truly appreciates her, work on yourself so you can learn to love yourself.
Try having a conversation about this first. If breaking up with her is what YOU need to be able to get better, then you should do what you need to do for your own healing.
But, in my opinion, if you’re breaking up with her for what you perceive is “her sake” then you should respect her enough to have a say in the matter. She has agency, and if she wants to stay with you and help support you through your healing (and you would like that, too) then she should have an opportunity to say so.
I’ll give you some tough love, I’ve been in that kind of situation before. I’ve been so insecure about myself thinking that my ex girlfriend “deserved better” I mean she’s a year ahead from me, she’s smarter than me, she had a sideline while she was studying nursing, and me? I was just an average dude finishing my CS degree, mind you I was just TRYING TO SURVIVE COLLEGE since I kept on failing my subjects of course i felt very insecure
This went on for 6 YEARS then she CHEATED on me in our final year, because she said I wasn’t manly enough to keep up with her. I probably deserved it and she was right.
Right now I’m in an amazing relationship with a woman who supports me with whatever I do, I’ve landed a high paying job so that I can treat her whenever I can and I’m currently building a business and our age isn’t even that far off
What I’m trying to say is, don’t let your insecurities define you, let it be a motivation to become a better person i mean instead of being a dead weight to your girlfriend, work on yourself, otherwise go break up with her she deserves a person who can keep up with her, but remember that person could be you
So let me get this straight, you want to break up because you think she feels like you’re holding her back but just won’t say it. Sounds kind of like you don’t actually wanna break up and are just trying to convince yourself it’s what’s best for her without actually knowing, how about you talk to her first before making this choice. Ask her how she feels, tell her how you feel and maybe even show her this post if you can’t explain it too well in person. It really sounds like you’re in an emotional state where you feel inferior when you really aren’t (don’t worry we all feel down like this sometimes). I’m not going to make your choice for you or even advise you to break up or not, I just think maybe you should try to understand what’s really going on in your head and hers before making your own choice here.