Hello all. My bf (early 30’s) and I (late 20’s) are currently working on getting back together. We dated for two years and I ended it because he was beginning to be too needy/ suffocating. I was invited to a family friend house for a kids pool / birthday party. I told them I might go. I told my bf about it just to be open with him and he’s mad that I didn’t ask if he’s invited as well. This family friend is extremely particular about who comes to their house and I told him that. He told me we’re one and if I’m invited so is he. This has caused an argument between us that’s still ongoing two days later.
Am I wrong for not asking?
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Hello all. My bf (early 30’s) and I (late 20’s) are currently working on getting back together. We dated for two years and I ended it because he was beginning to be too needy/ suffocating. I was invited to a family friend house for a kids pool / birthday party. I told them I might go. I told my bf about it just to be open with him and he’s mad that I didn’t ask if he’s invited as well. This family friend is extremely particular about who comes to their house and I told him that. He told me we’re one and if I’m invited so is he. This has caused an argument between us that’s still ongoing two days later.
Am I wrong for not asking?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I (1) didn’t ask the family friend if he could come too and (2) am standing my ground about what he’s not invited
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I’d definitely not get back with him either tbh. At his grown age he’s acting like you can’t have separate lives. He’s controlling with how he expects your time to be spent. I’d definitely not continue with him. It’ll get worse.
If you are getting back together but aren’t commited, you aren’t one. NTA.
Also, bro sounds needy and suffocating, maybe he hasn’t worked through things.
It seems that he’s still being needy and suffocating. You’re allowed to do things on your own and just because you’re invited doesn’t mean he is. You’re nta but I think you should seriously consider not getting back together with this guy.
You’re NTA
>He told me we’re one and if I’m invited so is he.
Yeah, that’s not a thing. He doesn’t get to invite himself to your friend’s child’s birthday party.
>I ended it because he was beginning to be too needy/ suffocating
The Hell you say…
NTA But also, kinda a dick move.
NTA. “We’re one”? That’s exactly the suffocating behavior you dumped him for. Red flag alert.
NTA. He kinda sounds… needy and suffocating. You’re not even back together yet and he’s already acting like you should be fused at the hip. Personally, I’d reconsider the viability of this relationship.
NTA. A boyfriend doesn’t have to be invited to everything. You all are NOT one
NTA.
Heck, no you weren’t in the wrong for not asking if he can come. It is rude to ask a family friend to bring a plus one if it isn’t mentioned during the invite.
Your boyfriend sounds like a freakazoid!
For your safety, it would be smart to cut ties with the dud. When someone doesn’t see you and themselves as two separate people is never a good sign. He doesn’t need to be around you 24/7 or know what you are doing at every second of the day. This is abusive and controlling behavior!
I hope you are keeping records of his behavior. Also tell several people close to you about the stuff he says that isn’t normal. You might need the proof for a restraining order.
Dump him again. He hasn’t changed 🫠
You are two, not one.
OP, you do realize you have to end this relationship, right?
NTA
NTA We’re one is a giant red flag, along with the fact that the fight is still going after two days.
NTA. If they wanted the BF there, they would have extended the invitation at the time. The idea that “we’re one” sounds like he’s not fully over his needy/suffocating stage.
NTA but it sure sounds like your previous reason for breaking up with him is still a problem.
Yuck. He’s rude as well as needy. Guess what- even married couples don’t always get invited to everything together.
NTA and a red flag about him. No way would I accept someone bringing an uninvited and unknown man to my kid’s pool party. Safeguarding, hellloooo!
NTA. Do you really need to be together for all invites. Sounds like he is becoming suffocating again.
NTA for not asking
But honey, YTA for trying to get back together with this guy.
So he’s behaving the way he did when you broke up with him, doing what he did to deserve you breaking up with him. Hmmmm.
Run
NTA. You arent “one” except in the cosmic/ecological sense. You have 2 separate lives and they sound like they need to go to therapy
NTA. If your 30 year old boyfriend doesn’t know the kids or parents, why would he want to go to the kids pool party? Why would he get upset about you going? He sounds controlling and unstable. You might want to put some distance between him and yourself.
You’re not “one”, you’re barely a couple, but you’ll always be individuals.
I see what you mean about being needy/suffocating.
Girl you don’t bring a random grown man to a POOL PARTY FOR CHILDREN without verifying that that is okay. Like hello???
NTA remember how you said he was needy and suffocating. It sounds like he hasn’t changed. “We are one” uh, no dude. We are individual people
And you’re entertaining getting back with this needy suffocating person why exactly?
He sounds controlling as hell. YTA to yourself if you stay with him.
So you broke up with him because he was needy and suffocating. You’re working on getting back together so likely he is on his best behaviour and is acting needy and suffocating.
Girl, seriously do you not see the massive red flags in this post?
Let me spell it out for you 🚩🚩🚩🚩
How many red flags do you need, and how many times do you need to see them?
Somebody save that man
Uhhh…you realize he hasn’t changed at all, right?
Welp. He fails again. Too needy – suffocating and actually OP this is controlling.
Are you sure that’s not why you needed to dump him last time? Because he sounds controlling.
NTA
You are not one, and though he doesn’t seem to believe it, you’re an autonomous person who can go to events without him.
OP, please wake up – he hasn’t changed and the clinginess is gross and controlling. He doesn’t get to invite himself everywhere you are, especially not a private kids party. EW.
NTA for not inviting him but please have some boundaries for yourself and don’t date this loser. Y W B T A to yourself if you continued this rekindling.
RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. He’s bad news sis. He has to go everywhere with you? What is he? Your 5 year old son? No, he’s a grown man in his 30’s. Then that means you’re gonna miss out on a lot of opportunities to live your life, making memories over a relationship that is clearly not going to last anyways. He has issues he needs to sort out before entering a relationship. Eventually what that behavior does is suck the life out of you then you’re emotional, mentally unstable while they’re just fine. RUN
NTA, why would he even want to go to a children’s birthday party? Sounds like he’s still needy and suffocating
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Well at least he’s not needy anymore (insert eyeroll here).
NTA
NTA but you sure you want to rekindle this clinging flame?
It sounds like he is as needy now as when you broke with him b4
STILL sounds clingy. This is your indication to let it go for good imo.
Why are you getting back together if the same issues are obviously still there.
You are not “one”. You aren’t even married. Dude has issues
I don’t know how long yall have been back together, or who initiated getting back together, and that can make a difference, but at least slight YTA. In relationships I’ve been in, its always been standard to ask/want to bring the partner to things, unless it is specifically intended for 1 partner- like a girls night out, or a sibling hangout. I think it would have been reasonable to ask, you didn’t have to push if they said no, but you should have asked.
NTA. Couples don’t have to do EVERYTHING together. And it’s a little concernint he sounds so controlling about this.
He still sounds needy. IMHO, you need to kick his bum to the curb. A lot less headaches down the line.
OMG you can’t bring a guy you’re sort of back together with to a kids birthday party unless the parents specifically invite him. This is creepy and gross and needy and controlling. Rethink your decision to reunite. This is a red flag.
NTA – tell him you’re one and done!
He’s never going to stop smothering you. The longer you stay the worse it will get. NTA
NTA unless you get back together with this needy/suffocating person whose behavior has NOT CHANGED!
NTA He’s still needy.
NTA – You’re not even in a long term relationship again if you’re still working on getting back together. Asking to be around the children in your life at this stage is bizarre at best.
NTA, that is a big age gap, there is a reason you broke up the first time, it seems like he is still very controlling, love should be easy…
Well this confirms y’all aren’t right for each other. NTA.
I think this just proves further why you broke up with him the first time. Doesn’t sound like anything has changed. NTA
You’re NTA i wouldn’t consider getting back with him the red flags are all showing
NTA You should’ve stayed broken up. Seems he’s done zero personal growth during that time
NTA. Dump that dude he sounds parasitic and abusive
NTA in fact he’s weird for insisting he goes to a child’s birthday party that he doesn’t know. Y’all should have stayed broken up
Nta he’s still the same person you broke up with
First off the verdict NTA.
That invite was for you. Not him. If they wanted him at the party he’d have been invited. You are not one. You’re two individuals. Also if he’s pulling that crap him and his neediness hasn’t changed. He’s in his early 30s. He’s old enough he can take no for an answer.
You need to ask what you’re doing with this guy.
Everyone’s saying NTA but he’s also kind of right… why didn’t you ask if he was invited he WAS your bf it’s normal for couples to do things together especially birthdays and the like and ofc he would want to go if you were because that would mean it’s important to you while I don’t know the specifics of the neediness I don’t think that wanting to be involved is suffocating in the least yes he doesent know them but if he’s your bf he’s gonna want to know the people you know.
From this alone at least to me it just sounds like you didn’t want him there and that’s probbably how he took it to.. you said your friend is particular… but you also didn’t ask them… so you wouldn’t know their response to the question idk maybe I’m tired but I do kinda think YTA aswell as him for his response since getting mad over that is a bit extreme
NTA, you don’t mention he knows the kid. So why would he want to go? He just wants to be controlling because he thinks you’ll flirt with somebody or something. I’d suggest dropping this, getting back together idea.
Sounds like you need to let this guy go so he can go be one with himself for a while to work on his issues some more. He may be in therapy but if he was needy with you before it’s clearly too easy for him to slip right back into that behavior with you.
NTA. He’s still needy af! If your friend wanted him there she’d have told you to bring him. He hasn’t changed, time to send him back.
He’s too needy and suffocating again. Sounds like getting back together was a mistake. NTA.
NTA. Honestly though, I love spending time with my partner and he feels the same. It feels like you and your ex have different needs personally.
The age difference might make him feel insecure and lead to needy/possessive behavior. Did you reassure him at all when he was feeling/acting that way? Oh and did you cheat? Is the “family friend” a potential romantic interest? That could make him paranoid. Did you include him in things when you were together? I feel like these are the questions we’d be asking if the roles were reversed. If there’s no infidelity or weirdness then yeah he might want a therapist and to learn how to enjoy his alone time. He can be a good guy and also be needy lol emotions are illogical.