We’ve been dating for almost 2 years, and our (very high) libidos have always complemented each other nicely.
We broke up for a couple of months because his mental health was declining, and i felt like my presence wasn’t helping him at all, but we couldn’t really stay away from each other and we were still having casual sex. It was probably the happiest i’ve been with our relationship, as i struggle to open up and intimacy helps me do it. I felt very in love with him.
He wasn’t happy about it though, as he wanted to be official, so we got back together and it’s been pretty nice.
He’s never been the type to last very long, which i’m totally ok with, but recently (around 4 months, or so?) every time we try to have sex, his boner just completely disappears. Straight up gone the moment he takes his clothes off.
I believed it to be a self esteem issue, so i tried to brush it off and kiss the embarrassment away, i was very loving and understanding. However, the issue never got any better, even though i gave it my all. It stopped being about sex, i was just straight up performing for him to see if it was of any help. He never tried to pleasure me in any other way, so i stopped trying to do the same for him.
To make matters worse, when it happens, he always just shuts down, ignores me and leaves,
refusing to even look at me. It makes me feel incredibly bad and i’ve told him about it, but nothing has changed. My self esteem has taken quite a hit, as we used to have a really active sex life and he never showed any struggle at all to get/maintain a hard on.
This has absolutely destroyed our relationship slowly, as i now really struggle to talk with him or feel any intimacy with him at all. We’ve talked about it a lot, but he won’t go to a doctor and he just shrugs it off as “something that will resolve itself”. I’ve thought about breaking up, but i do love him and i wish it could just get resolved.
Will it really resolve itself? Can i do anything at all to help? Is it worth staying around?
Comments
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Sounds like he is having his own issues and if he doesn’t want to reach out for help, frankly there is not much you can do. He’s probably embarrassed and angry at himself. Totally not your fault at all! I know you love him but if this is negatively impacting your own well-being and your relationship as a whole, it might be a good idea to take a step back from it all. I know it’s embarrassing for guys to deal with these issues but if he cares enough he should seek help.
First thing I would question is does he have a porn problem? If. He is watching and getting off several times a day yeah it isn’t going to work so well. If that is not the problem he needs to get into a dr. As 19 is supposed to be the high testosterone time frame and if it is already failing he is going to have zero chance in his 25-40 range. It isn’t something to be embarrassed about. They have seen, touched and dealt with all kinds of issues. Need to find the fix NOW. On a side note maybe if he did reciprocate he may get one that way. Good luck!