We were both around 14 during quarantine. Now we’re in our 20s. We met online and bonded quickly. shared interests, similar senses of humor, etc. At the time, I was isolated. My parents kept me cut off from the world. no school, barely any friends, barely allowed outside. (unrelated to quarantine.) So I invented a version of myself that felt safer. I didn’t think the friendship would last, so it was easy to lie. That doesn’t excuse it. just explains how it started.
I lied about serious things. like trauma, illness, my name, where I was from. I made myself into a character I thought someone might care about. A lot of parts are very real but a lot of them are fake. some big things.
What’s worse is I don’t think our friendship can survive the truth. I didn’t feel compelled to come clean until I started confronting other lies in my life, mostly with family. I think that timing says something about me.
and the worst part is, I kind of suspect they already know, or at least suspect something is up. Things have been brought up here and there.
We’ve talked every single day. This person has trusted me. And I’ve never truly been honest. With anyone I’ve met online. There’s always been some distortion. I’m not even overwhelmed with guilt over the lies themselves. I just feel sick knowing that telling the truth is going to hurt them. That I’m probably going to lose the closest person to me. I already tried running away, years ago, like a coward and they still tried contacting me after the fact because they cared and I still continued to hurt them with lies. It’s genuinely sickening.
I’m in a hard place right now. I’m having to make up for my past and things I didn’t really have the chance to do. They’ve been such a huge support system to me. I’m really not sure what I would do if I didn’t have them, even after I tell them. (which isn’t their problem, of course.) I don’t know why I waited until the hardest part of my life to do the right thing.
But I know the longer I stay silent, the more damage I do. And this isn’t about me or my shame or comfort. I love them. That’s the bottom line. And if I love them, I don’t get to decide what truths they don’t deserve to know. I really don’t want to tell them but they need to know. How can I possibly come clean?
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Woah… OP. This is rough. There’s no easy way to start this conversation but the way you explained it here certainly can act as a script for you. You said it yourself, the longer you stay silent the more damage you’ll do. You’re also hurting yourself by living in this guilt. Good luck, OP. I hope this goes as well as it can for you.
Perhaps write them a letter? Let them know what was a lie, what was true, and how much they mean to you. At the end of the day there’s no guaranteed way to know how they’ll take it – but I think you know that it’s something you need to do.
It’s always better to come clean without a doubt. I say you start with ” Hey, this is going to be hard to hear but I have to tell you something ” and then you be direct and shoot it straight. It’s the right thing to do.
Show them this post. Then after they read it tell them you made this post. Those are your words and thoughts. Then let them know you want to tell them the truth. And if they feel they can move past this, they will want to know the truth. I hope you are able to remain close to them..they might need time to relearn you. Just accept that part of it. And answer the questions honestly.