I 25F and getting to the point where I’m thinking about ending my 4yr relationship but I’m afraid im maybe overreacting. My parents passed when I was young so I’m a very independent person, I figured getting in a relationship would make certain adult things even easier but with my bf not really. He actually has annoyingly slowed me down. It’s worth noting that he keeps a steady job and at least pays his half of the bills but it’s like pulling teeth when it comes to taking care of other things aside from that. It took a whole year for him to finally be ready to get essential furniture for our apartment(bed, table, etc) months to get simple things like a mop or dishes, and I almost always have to nag him when it’s his turn to buy essentials like toilet paper, toothpaste etc. he even refuses to buy certain items but will use them when I get frustrated and get them anyway. I’m at the point where I don’t even care to bother him about these things anymore but I’m afraid leaving is too much of a response. I’ll also say he’s not a bad friend, he’s loyal and loving even though he’s admittedly low effort in the romance department but idk, I feel like im settling for less than what I can offer. Any advice?
My boyfriend (27M) doesn’t feel like a real partner
r/Advice
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If you haven’t sat down and had a long calm talk about this with him I’d say that’s the first step. I’m sure you’ve nagged him, but I think it may get through to him more if you say your actually considering ending the relationship. If he blows up, dump his ass.
In my opinion, if he’s slowing you down and you know your life would be better without him, why stay? You are ultimately putting in more to the relationship than he is.
Your choice at the end of the day, but talk to him and go from there I’d say, good luck!
” I feel like im settling for less than what I can offer. Any advice?”
As I often tell my own daughter, who is just about a year older than you, never, ever settle for less than what you expect and demand from a partner. It is as simple as that.
If you do, you will be unhappy and miserable, and eventually start to feel stressed and anxious, and that will take a toll on your mental and physical health.
What you are discussing above is, as you probably know, typical of romantic relationships and partnerships.
And yes, it is well-established that the woman usually puts in more effort into the relationship than the man, and there are dozens of different explanations for that, all of which can be found in thousands of online articles written by respected clinicians, sociologists, therapists and other experts in human behavior.
In my personal experience, I have found that the most effective way of addressing this kind of problem is to tell your boyfriend how you feel and how you perceive the relationship, and ask him to help you understand why he does or does not do the things that you mentioned above.
Don’t be accusatory, because if you are, he will get defensive and probably withdraw from the conversation.
Couples who respect one another will talk about their differences in a quiet and considerate manner.
If he does not, or if he accuses you of overthinking or overreacting or possibly being insecure, then you have a different and more serious sort of problem to deal with.
PS: I wrote an article the other day on accountability in relationships. You might find it illuminating and helpful.
https://www.reddit.com/r/analyzeme/comments/1meyjww/the_importance_of_accountability/
Sounds like he’s using you as a replacement for his mother.
He’s not a real partner. He’s your fully grown adult child.
This is very common in men, as most parents don’t teach their boys “adulting” the same way they do their daughters. He will need some coaching and he may never catch up to you, but I’m sure he is capable of growth. Talk it over with him calmly, talk about what you want your adult life to look like and ask him what HE wants his to look like. You have both grown and changed since you were 21, now it may be time to figure out if you are compatible now that you are adults. Try not to be judgmental, but don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, and don’t settle for less for too long. You should see consistent growth once you two have worked it out and made a plan. Good luck!
GET OUT NOW!!
Talk to him about it.
He’s not your husband or child which means you are free to go at any time. Move on.