We have been together for two years, we both still live at home.
I value privacy and one of my biggest wishes is to have my own independent life. Unfortunately i am a student and cannot afford just yet to move out. However, i still talk about it, express my wishes to my bf and just in general let him know that this is something that i want, either alone or with him.
Whereas he doesnt see the point in moving out, has no plans regarding it, doesnt talk about it. Hes a bit ahead of me in life as he is full time employed with a relatively nice pay. He says he has no need to move, never thought about it, but will probably want to do so with a partner (me) eventually. He doesnt see any pros of moving out. He has everything he needs, and doesnt want to have any additional expenses, which would make sense if he wasnt already sharing expenses with his parents.
Obviously i am aware that i cannot tell anybody what they should do with their money, but it upsets me that in his position, i would be willing to sacrifice money in order to have privacy and to spend more time together. It makes me feel as if he is okay that we are never alone, and wont be for a few years, wont have any shared goals etc…
He said the problem is that we were raised very differently, especially in regards to living with family. To him his family of origin is a priority right now. My priority is getting my life together and building a life for myself. It just upsets me that to him renting would be a waste of money, but spending money on things regarding his family home isnt.
I dont want to convince him to change his mind, not that i even could cause i cannot. How do i deal with this difference in thinking? What can i do to make him understand me better? And what can i do to understand him better, because i do not understand his mindset at all. The lack of privacy we have in our homes would be enough for me to take the initiative to move out.
We cannot find a middle ground at all, it always ends up with me putting my wishes aside.
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24 year old failure to launch,
unambitious, lazy, unmotivated,
mama’s boy, loser.
As you move from child to adult, you discover who you are and what you like and what you value.
You’re discovering that the things you consider important are not the same as the things your boyfriend considers important.
I would advise you, an independently-minded young woman, never to move in with a man who has only ever lived with his parents.
Everyone should do their first steps of learning to live as an adult without the added complication of their housemate being their romantic partner.
He’s 24, works full time and earning nicely, but doesn’t want to move in with you?
Where is he expecting this relationship to go, then? He’s expecting you to put your life on hold until his parents die and then he’ll decide you’re suddenly a priority to him?
Building a life together isn’t just about convenience, it’s about being a team and about navigating life together. You don’t need to travel to be together, which often feels like a really painful obstacle for most couples. You don’t need to worry about where you have sex or people hearing you. The biggest pro is that you get to live together, but he doesn’t see that as a pro??
This would turn me off so much.
You can’t make him do anything, and he’s not doing anything wrong here. It’s great that you have an ambition to pursue things. I suggest you do that. If your concern is privacy and an alone time with him, then wait until you get a place of your own and then you can invite him over. It doesn’t have to be you and him living together. You priortize things this way, and he prioritzes things another way. And that’s okay.