Me ‘18F’ and my boyfriend ‘18M’ have been together for 3 years. He is genuinely the most caring, understanding and thoughtful person I have ever met. I feel really happy, supported and fulfilled in our relationship.
The only issue I have is with my mother, she says that he is quiet and criticises him for not having a job or learning to drive. I have explained to her that he plans on working in uni and learning to drive then, he just simply can’t afford it now. I was lucky and my parents paid for 70% of my lessons.
I’ve talked to my boyfriend and he says he’ll be more chatty and that he has recognised he can be a little quiet around them.
I just struggle because my parents are very different from me and the people I make friends with. They’re complete extroverts who didn’t meet until they were in their 30’s (I’m from my mums previous marriage which started at 18). Whereas I’m an introvert who has kept the same friends and partner since I was a teenager.
I was wondering if anyone has any advice for how to help my mother bond with my boyfriend.
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Maybe teach him to drive
The truth is that she doesn’t need to bond with him. She just needs to accept that you are happy with him. Other people do not have to “get” your relationship as long as it is good for you.
Maybe ask your mother to just be happy that you have found a person who is a good fit for you.
You and your boyfriend both sound wonderful. I hear a lot of kindness in what you wrote.
So, have confidence in bf and in yourself. And three main things to keep in mind: patience, patience, and patience.
Yes, you can encourage your boyfriend to be a little more outgoing, not because your parents want that but because you and he believe he will feel more fulfilled by making better connections with others, including your parents. Keep talking to your parents, with respect, and let them know bf’s plans. But, things will unfold and as long as you keep to your values, things will work out.
You are lucky to have a positive, enjoyable, and stable relationship rather young. I wish you the best.
You are 18. Been together for 3 years.
You might want to listen a little
I think it’s important for you to remember your own values and boundaries with this. Communication is everything, explain your feelings to your parents. Then try to find something all of you can bond over. Like an activity or a park picnic etc. something lighthearted and easy to share friendly interests. Be open to their criticism but don’t let them crowd your own thoughts and feelings.
maybe you can ask your bf to have a conversation with your mother about this, parents are generally accepting when given a nudge, so ofc you can sit with them when the conversation happens. it really doesn’t matter if people are extroverts or introverts as long as they have a good heart, and care for you