i 19f have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now he’s really sweet and kind one of those matcha latte and feminist literature guys you see on tiktok. he’s also incredibly funny and goes out of his way to do things with me and include me even when most of the time i’m to overwhelmed to really enjoy the activities (im in the middle of getting an autism diagnosis so that’s why i get overwhelmed easily) we have a he talks i listen relationship which is great i could listen to him talk for days.
my friends however hate him. i don’t have a very big friend group or a lot of friends in general (5f and 2m) the first time we went on a date they said “he looks like he’d mount your eye balls on his walls” and kept commenting on his looks. which isn’t fair and i told them as much he’s very handsome and even if he was hideous it wouldn’t matter i don’t care about that stuff. i told him they said that and we had a good laugh about it it’s now an inside joke of ours where he points at his shelf and says “that’s where im gonna display your eyes” which my friends think is disturbing.
my friends have made numerous comments about his personality and looks saying stuff like “you’re to pretty for him” and “he’s annoying like a dog that doesn’t stop barking”
here’s where i think i’m the a hole. my boyfriend has an ex girlfriend who calls him and just harasses him constantly I’m talking non stop anonymous phone calls for 2 hours straight it’s pretty much stopped for the most part now but it was pretty non stop at the start of our relationship. about a month ago i started receiving calls just like it i ignored it for the most part but at some point they forgot to turn off no caller id and it was my best friends number.
i was annoyed and asked her why tf she was doing that. she confessed and told me they thought if i believed i was being harassed by his ex id break up with him. i was fuming at this point and told her she needs to back tf off and my relationship is none of her business. the whole friend group had been ignoring me for the past couple of days until last night where they put me into a group chat for an ‘intervention’.
they kept saying how i could do so much better than my bf and they just wanted me to see how annoying he truly was. they’ve never even met him they refuse to. i told them all to f off and left the group chat they all keep spamming my phone saying i was rude and need to apologise.
so AITA? i feel like one but at the same time they’re being plain rude and disrespectful to my bf and my relationship. any advice would be great
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i 19f have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now he’s really sweet and kind one of those matcha latte and feminist literature guys you see on tiktok. he’s also incredibly funny and goes out of his way to do things with me and include me even when most of the time i’m to overwhelmed to really enjoy the activities (im in the middle of getting an autism diagnosis so that’s why i get overwhelmed easily) we have a he talks i listen relationship which is great i could listen to him talk for days. my friends however hate him. i don’t have a very big friend group or a lot of friends in general (5f and 2m) the first time we went on a date they said “he looks like he’d mount your eye balls on his walls” and kept commenting on his looks. which isn’t fair and i told them as much he’s very handsome and even if he was hideous it wouldn’t matter i don’t care about that stuff. i told him they said that and we had a good laugh about it it’s now an inside joke of ours where he points at his shelf and says “that’s where im gonna display your eyes” which my friends think is disturbing. my friends have made numerous comments about his personality and looks saying stuff like “you’re to pretty for him” and “he’s annoying like a dog that doesn’t stop barking” here’s where i think i’m the a hole. my boyfriend has an ex girlfriend who calls him and just harasses him constantly I’m talking non stop anonymous phone calls for 2 hours straight it’s pretty much stopped for the most part now but it was pretty non stop at the start of our relationship. about a month ago i started receiving calls just like it i ignored it for the most part but at some point they forgot to turn off no caller id and it was my best friends number. i was annoyed and asked her why tf she was doing that. she confessed and told me they thought if i believed i was being harassed by his ex id break up with him. i was fuming at this point and told her she needs to back tf off and my relationship is none of her business. the whole friend group had been ignoring me for the past couple of days until last night where they put me into a group chat for an ‘intervention’. they kept saying how i could do so much better than my bf and they just wanted me to see how annoying he truly was. they’ve never even met him they refuse to. i told them all to f off and left the group chat they all keep spamming my phone saying i was rude and need to apologise. so AITA? i feel like one but at the same time they’re being plain rude and disrespectful to my bf and my relationship. any advice would be great
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i told my friends that they should stay tf out of my relationship which is generally very harsh i’m not really an angry person and i don’t swear a lot so i could have definitely worded it better and then when they tried to talk to me about my boyfriend again i told them to f off and swore and got angry again i definitely should have been kinder i know that but i just wanna know if my anger was justified because they keep telling me im over reacting and that i can do better
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Keep the boyfriend and get new friends.
You’re not the AH. Your friends are!
If they think he’s annoying or you could do better is their opinion and irrelevant. As long as you’re happy and he treats you well then that’s all that matters. Keep standing up for your relationship and you’re going to have to put in some boundaries with them
NTA
You know I get it. In fact, I’d believe my long term friends over a guy I met half a year ago.
But! Why are they so obsessed with your relationship? I mean suggesting and trying to guide you is different from manipulating you to a level that they had to create a disguised caller ID. Wtf?
You’re dating him, you’re 19, so if and when you feel like he’s exactly what your friends told you, then you’ll break up with him. You’re not a kid. And even if you’re one of those women who’ll stay in an abusive relationship, that’s your take. Tell them that you’ll take help when you ask for it, otherwise you don’t require any unnecessary intervention from them.
And you shouldn’t have to apologise to them for being rude, they should apologise to you for taking this to another level and not backing off when they should’ve and for pushing you to be rude.
Nta jeez get new friends, thats manipulative ah and i would never stand for that. Id rather be alone than have friends like those
NTA.
You could do better friends.
Sounds like NTA to me, however it’s weird all seven of them are so very against him, given they have never met them?
So many questions running through my head…
Is there anything other than his looks that is upsetting them? How did they know enough about the ex’s calls to copy them? How old is he/you? Could this be a situation where you’ve missed social cues (just cause of the 7:1 ratio and new autism diagnosis?)
Just wondering…
NTA, because of the harassment. But as a person who have quite a few neurodivergent people in my friend group and have worked with neurodivergent youths, I’m not sure he’s the right fit for you.
He keeps including you in things he has planned even though you get overwhelmed. He keeps talking and you just listen. While it may seem nice at the moment, because you are being shown a lot of love, this may be love bombing.
You are in the middle of getting a diagnosis, you need someone who supports you in figuring out how you can live your life without getting overwhelmed all the time. One who supports you setting your own boundaries, instead of fitting into their plans.
As for being a stereotype feminist literature guy, it doesn’t sound positive at all, if he doesn’t even support the women closest to him living a good life.
Ditch those “friends” NTA
This is weird . To go as far as calling and harassing is weird and yeah your friends can say they think he’s not right for you, but that’s their OPINION. And also the reasons sound childish asf . Your life your choices and your friend trying to manipulate you using something you told her in confidence is weird .
Do not let them ruin the best relationship you could possibly have. Ditch your friends they do not want to see you happy. Block them trust me they will give up don’t ever let them back in.
NTA – Keep this gem of a boyfriend and get rid of these “friends”, these aren’t the type of people you want around in times when you need support. Look for new friends, same type as your BF, supportive and non-manipulative.
NTA. Your friends are used to you being single. They don’t want you in a successful relationship. They are outright sabotaging you.
I don’t know why but my “friends” did this to me when I was in high school. Our friendship never recovered. Having a boyfriend or doing anything remotes sexual in nature apparently so changed their preconceived notion of who I was that they couldn’t handle it. It sucked. It hurt. Sometimes it still hurts. I guess they thought I would be the nerdy weird quiet one all my life?
To be far, my romantic relationships at the time were unhealthy, but my so called besties and I were much more unhealthy.
NTA you definitely need better friends
NTA How can they hate him when they haven’t met him?
Is it one friend who had turned the group against him?
I see four reasons: she’s jealous, she’s into him, she’s into you, she likes you downtrodden to feel better about herself and borrow money.
Either way she’s not your friend. The harassing calls is INSANE! Reach out to the rest of the friends, ask them to give him a chance outside of her.
Be prepared for the group to choose her over you… then demand immediate repayment or small claims court, because the friendships are over.