My cousins have always had this weird animosity toward me, I am done with feeling disrespected.

I (20F) have these cousins I grew up with, who used to pick on me when I was a kid (I was sensitive). Over the years, I did toughen up, but also emotionally detached myself from my family a lot, still, as I aged I learned to regulate myself better into social situations with family. And of course, we all grew up.

However, the vibe’s always been off, like they carry some weird passive aggressive energy toward me. I am also neurodivergent and have felt disparate from people who do not percieve situations the same way I do, but many similar situations have made me grasp onto and solidify the mean girl energy these girls show. I will give the most recent example (stuff like this happens in every family gathering):

We were about to sleep in one room, and I had my hands full carrying all my stuff upstairs. As I passed by, my older cousin (mid 20s Psychology major) laughed and said “Oh, we didn’t even consider where (my name) is going to sleep,” and started making jokes like, “Are you going to sleep or walk?” just because I had been out for a walk earlier. (She takes ozempic btw). She said it like it was hilarious, but it felt like a dig. I ignored it and just said, “Now I’m gonna sleep,” and went upstairs.

I stepped into the bathroom for literally a second when we had all laid our beds down and they were sleeping on the mattress next to me. When I came back, my pillow was gone, I asked, “Who took my pillow?” and at first everyone was silent, I look towards them saw my pillow, and they started smirking and doing that, smug laugh with their eyes closed like mean girls in a movie. No one gave it back, or felt respectful enough for a response. I really wish I said something stern then. I just said, “Take it man” and let it go. I know its small, but it really got under my skin.
When I told my mom, she brushed it off like, “That’s how cousins are, it’s just banter,” but I’m tired of this behavior always being dismissed, I used to want to rip my hair out as a young girl because of the bullying, and my mom watched it happen right in front of her.

I’m polite to them even when they go out of their way to make me feel excluded or invisible, it is in my nature to be really pure minded towards everyone, and when the point in my life came where I cracked, it was a huge situation in my family where my mom was tired of me “ruining her reputation”. and I’m just done playing nice.

Aren’t these people being mean under the guise of family banter? In general, I really want to learn how to put my foot down in a way that would establish self respect and boundaries and would make people think twice before giving this energy towards me. Just anything in general that I should or should not be doing. Just honest advice.