2 years ago me(20m at the time) and my girlfriend(19f at the time) had a miscommunication in bed(She said yes twice to having sex, and because I cant read minds, I took that to mean yes) she told me afterwards that she didn’t enjoy it and then brought it up last year saying she never wanted to do it in the first place(just to be clear, I only ask if she wants to do anything like that once, I take this very seriously and I take no to mean no, and if she says no, I dont ask again, but i always double check with a yes).
Now she says that she feels like I raped her because she didn’t want to do it. Except she said yes to that time twice. And now I can’t feel comfortable being any kind of physically romantic because I can’t trust if her yes means yes.
I asked her last night if she trusts me, and after a lot of hesitation, she said she thinks so. But the way I see that is “if you can’t say for certain if you trust me, then you obviously dont.”
I dont know where to go from here, and I just want to resolve this
(Also, just for reference, I have done nothing but respect her space since she said that last year. My hands have only ever gone where she tells them to go, and I’ve barely been able to do more than hug her without feeling like it might be too much. She even tells me that I’ve been perfectly respectful since, but now she says she doesn’t know if I can be trusted.)
Comments
Does she also think buffalo wings are made from buffaloes?
Question: how does her trusting or not trusting you factor into this, exactly?
did you ask why she didn’t say she changed her mind after saying yes twice?
Fckn hell! She sounds dangerous. She’s kinda got you by the balls. Break up and she shouts Grape, you could be in a whole heck of 💩
Stay with her, more psycho events.
She sounds a little unbalanced in her thinking.
So, either move on to someone you are compatible with. Or go totally passive, if she wants it she needs to be assertive.
Start recording these talks… need some kind of proof to get out of black mail.
I wonder if she’s trying to process something else that happened (not with you) and is projecting onto you and her. It sounds like she’s questioning herself and that’s where the lack of trust actually lies. It’s a difficult thing not feeling like you can trust your instincts/decisions/memories/etc.
Either way it sounds like a really tenuous and not very healthy relationship to be in right now.
To say she feels like you raped her is incredibly dangerous to throw around. Giving clear consent and then regretting it doesn’t ’feel’ like rape. What she said is completely inappropriate. She can express how she felt about it and what you guys can do moving forward, but comparing how she felt to rape is incredibly disrespectful to those who HAVE experienced rape. Should not be thrown around like that.
It’s not that she doesn’t trust you, she just seems to be jumbled with her decision making. You can’t do anything about that. I’d rethink a relationship with someone who says and does things like this. She’s not emotionally ready to have sex or communicate efficiently with you.
It’s possibly she’s experienced something in the past before you, however projecting that onto you isn’t healthy nor for you to have to cryptically take on. She should be taking time to figure herself out before getting into relationships, especially sexual ones.
I think I would become the worst partner in this situation just so she would break up with me.
Run away, she’s a fucking mess
She’s a loon. And quite dangerous. Run away.
This is a very dangerous situation. You might consider starting over. No more sex. Just dating. You might also think about slowly becoming single.