My boyfriend (31M) and I (30F) live together.
About a month ago we got a puppy. He really wanted one, I wasn’t really convinced because I know how big of a commitment that is and how much of your free time and social life we were going to have to give up.
I only had a cat prior to the relationship. Also worth mentioning is that I’m introverted and my bf is extroverted.
And lastly worth mentioning before getting into the story is I have an office job and my BF has a blue collar job.
So while trying to convince me to get the puppy he was telling me about all the walks he used to go on with prior dogs and how well he trained them etc. How much he misses it and how he would enjoy doing this again. Bla bla bla.
We got the puppy (8w), I am in a fortunate enough position to take the puppy to work during the day (only until he is old enough to stay home alone). This has been a mission as he is getting busier and busier during the day, I take lots of toys with me but he still requires attention. And I try to not let him irritate my coworkers.
Spending the whole day with me the puppy obviously bonded with me more than my bf. I obviously also feed him. During the nights I used to get up sometimes 4 times to let the puppy out. It’s been better now and he mostly wakes me up twice. But I haven’t slept through the night in the last month that we had the puppy. My bf is also dead to the world when he sleeps and I’m a light sleeper.
I have a stressful job and I’m feeling overwhelmed and exhausted because I have deadlines and I need to take care of a puppy during the day and night.
I get home at about 16:30-17-00 and my boyfriend gets home at about 17:00-18:00. This also means I cook. Unless my bf picks up takeout maybe once a week.
Afternoons we are both tired but the puppy has lots and lots of energy and just wants to play. We started going on afternoon walks to just tire him out a bit – but sometimes my bf just skips this as he is too tired and his body is sore from working.
During the week we made plans to go to a dog park today (Saturday) to tire the puppy out, socialise him a bit and have a picnic and overall just a date- day for the first time since the puppy came.
This morning I got up at about 7 when the puppy woke me up again. I made breakfast and packed our picnic basket. My boyfriend was still sleeping. Bear in mind we went to bed at about 22:00ish on Friday.
At 10:00 I took him breakfast in bed, he ate, got up and went for a smoke outside. When he got outside. I asked him if he could please just play with the puppy outside while I quickly mop the floor. He told me no, he is going to take the puppy back to bed with him. The puppy then fell of the bed as he wanted to play.
By 12:00 I asked him if we are still going to the park. He then asked if we could do it tomorrow. Now it’s 15:30 he is still sleeping.
I went to him now asked him if he is sick. He said no, I asked him if he is depressed, he said no, I asked him if he is hungover, he said no. He sees nothing wrong with him still being asleep. The whole day is wasted. There is nothing left. He will have no time for me, no time for the puppy. And he said he is going the help me train him today. I already taught him the basics like sit, down and paw. He has done nothing in terms of training so far.
Will I be the AH if I go wake him up again? Or should I leave him to sleep whatever this is off? He slept the whole day last Saturday as well.
Comments
Maybe you should talk to him directly and say that it bothers you that he doesn’t take care of the dog like you do although it was his idea to get a pup.Its irresponsible of him to act this way.Hes like a child that wanted a dog and now he doesn’t realise the responsibility it comes with.He probably had someone else that took care of the dogs he had before, idk what else to think since he’s this irresponsible. You didn’t mention if he usually behaves like this when it’s time to enter he dog or is this the first time?
So your bf is taking advantage of you. It was his idea to get the dog…and it sounds like you do 90% of the dog responsibilities. And you cook his meals?? It’s also a nice touch that he smokes. So in 20 years you’ll be taking care of him when he has advanced lung cancer.
Honestly he didnt even intend on caring for the puppy, he just wanted one to say he “owns” it. You are the one doing the real work… I guess you could have a serious conversation with him about this. If not, you could just wait until the puppy gets older so it can take care of itself a bit more. Though they always need care. Thats why both would need to take responsibility, it seems both of you are rly busy
When you have children will you?
He got a puppy, now you have no time for anything other than the puppy and him. The dog is about control and keeping tabs on you. Your bf has the same life as before but more freedom as you’re now busy with the puppy. Return the puppy to where you brought it if possible, failing that look for a good home for it whilst it is still a puppy. After this take some time to reflect on your relationship.
There’s so many red flags here. And if you haven’t got the memo yet, men(we) don’t change after marriage.
You. You need to establish healthy boundaries ASAP so you don’t continue to get walked over.
Sounds like you’re saying a little boy who still needs his mommy. You should try a relationship with a man.
A man will show up for you physically, mentally and emotionally.
Dump the bf
Wow you do an awesome job. Sorry about your bf.
You should talk with him about it.
Also, he should realize you can’t just train a dog one or two days a week. It takes time everyday to train them, if you want them to be actually trained. I don’t know how many of my friends tell me their dogs are trained and it’s like well, why’s it jumping on me then and not listening to you? 😂
This is like someone who says they want a child, but they aren’t a hands on dad. It’s the ownership they’re after, and they avoid the work that comes with it.
This is a preview of your life if you marry this guy and have children. It will all be on you and you’ll also be expected to work full time.
Tell your boyfriend you’re rehoming the puppy and then do it. Do it soon while the puppy is still young enough so it’s easy to rehome. Your bf is not responsible enough to have a dog
This sounds like there’s wayyyy too much imbalance going on. It’s ok also to rehome the puppy or at least use dog daycare after it has vaccinations. The reality of your BFS job and yours makes a puppy hard for different reasons. But you guys have a real imbalance of effort on a number of fronts. Your partner can bulk cook on weekends so there are meals Mon Tues at least. Preferably freeze some. You need to set a schedule for turns letting the dog out too. Having resentment build and giving more all the time damages relationships. Wake him up. Have a long, blunt talk. And read a book on boundaries. You’re giving way too much and not getting enough. At least from this description.
Wake him up. Tell him he needs to watch the puppy because you are going out. Take yourself to a movie or read a book in the park, just get out of the house. Wake him up at night and tell him it is his turn to take the puppy out. Seriously, though, this is not the relationship you want to get stuck in.
Does he sleep in like this often or it this day more unique? That is what would matter to me. If this is a common thing, happening often, I would have to rethink the relationship. It wouldn’t bode well for a quality future relationship.
I understand the frustration of waiting on people who are just lazing the day away. It’s not something I could let go on long without having a “talk” about it. The trouble is these people are living their lives the way they want to and are usually resentful of and view any objections as you stepping over the line of their boundaries. I think you should keep the dog but dump the guy.
Congratulations on being a single puppy mom.
Send the dog to wake him up.
All I can say is, if he’s this irresponsible with a puppy that he wanted, do not even think of having children with this man.
WHY? so manybred flags here. Please don’t have children with him! He’s a selfish person.
Take the puppy and move out. You are well into the hard part, it is almost over now. It gets way easier with their potty schedule. A note: please don’t take pup to the dog park until it is six months old. That is when pups get their final parvo shot. You should keep them out of grass that isn’t your own yard either- remove any stray animal poop. This boyfriend needs to be Fried Green Tomatoes-ed. If you know, you know.
No, you should not let him continue to sleep, that is ridiculous. And this is about a lot more than him sleeping. These behaviors would be dealbreakers for me because they represent a lot of selfish patterns.
You may need to look into a pet walker. Someone who can pick your dog up and exhaust him during the day before returning him to you.
But you also need to sit down with your boyfriend and serious make a plan so you are not doing all of the work.
He needs to be at minimum 70% in this since HE was the one pushing for a dog.
You need to set a schedule and puppy chore chart. And he needs to agree to it.
He also needs to be an active participant when training the dog.
If he is unwilling to do any of this, then it is time to discuss rehoming.
I work construction and I’ve never slept all day. I know some people need more sleep than others but he wanted the dog. Tell him to help with it or he is going back. You do need to talk to him. Actions mean more than words and he isn’t living up to them.
Just sternly tell him,… Get your ass up and take the dog for a walk you said you loved so much.
Keep the dog, ditch the boyfriend