Me (18M) and my the group (names are changed for obvious reasons) Sophie(18F), Taylor(19F), Peter(19M) and Jacob(18M) (Sophie is a close friend/roommate, others im friendly with but wouldn’t call friends) hang out sometimes. Taylor, Peter and Jacob live together and Sophie hangs out at their place a lot with me joining in occasionally.
I’m more quiet and usually observe more than anything. I noticed after a few times of hanging out with them that Taylor, Sophie and Peter pick on Jacob a lot without picking on anyone else in the group for the most part. He usually just takes it, but gets visibly upset at this and sometimes asks them to stop or just goes to his room, if that happens they usually call him sensitive.
I’ve asked Sophie about it and she said its all just fun and he’s just an “easy target”. I decided not to do anything about it for a while, because Im not in the group and I dont want to speak on his behalf.
Two days ago we all hung out at their place again. It was going fine until one of them joked about what is obviously a touchy subject for Jacob. He told the person to stop which just made the others join in too. After a while he, very obviously upset, went to his room. As soon as his door closed they started laughing. I said that wasn’t funny, that it was just bullying, plain and simple. I then left and went home.
When Sophie got home she told me I “ruined the mood” and that they don’t want her bringing me along anymore if I don’t apologize. I told her that was fine and I don’t have anything to apologize for. She then actually screamed at me that I don’t know anything about their group, that it’s all just jokes and he knows it and that I made them feel like bad people for just joking around.
I personally don’t think I did anything wrong, but maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, it’s not my business afterall. AITA?
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Me (18M) and my the group (names are changed for obvious reasons) Sophie(18F), Taylor(19F), Peter(19M) and Jacob(18M) (Sophie is a close friend/roommate, others im friendly with but wouldn’t call friends) hang out sometimes. Taylor, Peter and Jacob live together and Sophie hangs out at their place a lot with me joining in occasionally.
I’m more quiet and usually observe more than anything. I noticed after a few times of hanging out with them that Taylor, Sophie and Peter pick on Jacob a lot without picking on anyone else in the group for the most part. He usually just takes it, but gets visibly upset at this and sometimes asks them to stop or just goes to his room, if that happens they usually call him sensitive.
I’ve asked Sophie about it and she said its all just fun and he’s just an “easy target”. I decided not to do anything about it for a while, because Im not in the group and I dont want to speak on his behalf.
Two days ago we all hung out at their place again. It was going fine until one of them joked about what is obviously a touchy subject for Jacob. He told the person to stop which just made the others join in too. After a while he, very obviously upset, went to his room. As soon as his door closed they started laughing. I said that wasn’t funny, that it was just bullying, plain and simple. I then left and went home.
When Sophie got home she told me I “ruined the mood” and that they don’t want her bringing me along anymore if I don’t apologize. I told her that was fine and I don’t have anything to apologize for. She then actually screamed at me that I don’t know anything about their group, that it’s all just jokes and he knows it and that I made them feel like bad people for just joking around.
I personally don’t think I did anything wrong, but maybe I shouldn’t have said anything, it’s not my business afterall. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my friends they’re bot funny and that they’re just assholes and bullies. I think I might be an asshole because I’m not really oart of the friendgroup and it’s not really my place to say anything.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA at all. In fact its very satisfying that you called them out. They are blaming you for your completely justifiable reaction to their bullying because it made them feel appropriately bad. They feel bad because they did bad, not because you did anything wrong. Keep up that energy. Behavior like that is only able to go on because it goes unpunished. You did a good thing. And you don’t need people like that as friends.
NTA. They are bullies.
NTA, good on you!
NTA. These ‘friends’ of yours are terrible people. Why on earth would you make a joke about a sensitive subject anyway? Doesn’t help. Tell your friends that it is disgusting to do such a thing and will not be speaking to them unless they apologise to Jacob first.
NTA- If he’s asked them to stop and they didn’t, they aren’t respecting that boundary. If he’s leaving after the “joke”, that seems like he didn’t find it funny. It’s only a joke if everyone finds it funny. It sounds like they’re just bullying him.
NTA – They feel like bad people because they’re being bad people.
Good job standing up to them.
And she screamed at you? Toxic af.
NTA. You did exactly the right thing. Calling out bullies. I would take them up on their offer to not go over there any more. Sophie is also a bully. Do with that what you will, but she doesn’t seem like a very nice person.
NTA. You called out bullying behavior when you saw it, and the fact that they immediately turned on you shows you were absolutely right about their character. Real friends don’t gang up on someone and then laugh about it behind closed doors.
You were 100% exactly correct with everything you’ve done about this situation. Those people ARE assholes, and you ARE right in not hanging out with them anymore.
NTA
You know you were right!
NTA. Kick Sophie out of your place then ask Jacob if he wants to be your roommate, then cut contact with the other three.
Jacob needs a safe space be it at your place or on his own…he will need to be assertive at some point and learn to stand up for himself maybe thats something you can help him with but yeah he needs to get the fuck away from the home environment he’s currently in. If you can figure out a way to help him escape without the others noticing so they aren’t mocking him for being “overly sensitive and running away” please do. Better if Sophie isn’t on your lease and you can just switch their belongings and she can live with/permanently hang out with the rest of the meanieheads (term I haven’t used in years but seems appropriate) that would be absolutely perfect please leave her and the others behind after you find a way to help Jacob.