I (F30) love to travel. While I do LOVE to sit on a beach with a book, my favorite vacations are the type where you walk around a ton, sightsee, visit historical sites, museums etc. My wife (37) and I are big “stop and read this sign about a horrible battle took place 300 years ago” types. We also like camping and hiking and getting into nature. We are DINKS and fortunate enough to have a lifestyle where we can take trips like this.
We recently got back from two weeks in Bergen and the surrounding areas. This was definitely a more physical trip, we did Trolltunga and all that. Last night was a party at our friends house, and I got into conversation with “Amy” who is a friend of another friend who was invited. From what I know of the few times I’ve met her, she does seem to be into very mainstream things. Which is fine! I watched almost all of Love Island on the flight home, lmao.
I told Amy about our vacation and all that and she said she doesn’t take trips like that, but she goes to Disney instead. She has apparently been quite a few times. She asked if I had ever been and I said “no that’s not really my thing” and then she kept on saying why and how amazing it was and just said “it’s not the type of thing I think we’d spend our money on.”
You would think I had cursed her out? She looked really huffy and said something like “it’s not like you’re any better than me for going hiking and doing “cultured” things you know” and left.
I am so flabbergasted. I don’t think Amy told anyone, but I told my wife. She said not to worry, that’s insane but? Did I break some weird unknown rule? Did I seem classist? Am I the asshole?
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I (F30) love to travel. While I do LOVE to sit on a beach with a book, my favorite vacations are the type where you walk around a ton, sightsee, visit historical sites, museums etc. My wife (37) and I are big “stop and read this sign about a horrible battle took place 300 years ago” types. We also like camping and hiking and getting into nature. We are DINKS and fortunate enough to have a lifestyle where we can take trips like this.
We recently got back from two weeks in Bergen and the surrounding areas. This was definitely a more physical trip, we did Trolltunga and all that. Last night was a party at our friends house, and I got into conversation with “Amy” who is a friend of another friend who was invited. From what I know of the few times I’ve met her, she does seem to be into very mainstream things. Which is fine! I watched almost all of Love Island on the flight home, lmao.
I told Amy about our vacation and all that and she said she doesn’t take trips like that, but she goes to Disney instead. She has apparently been quite a few times. She asked if I had ever been and I said “no that’s not really my thing” and then she kept on saying why and how amazing it was and just said “it’s not the type of thing I think we’d spend our money on.”
You would think I had cursed her out? She looked really huffy and said something like “it’s not like you’re any better than me for going hiking and doing “cultured” things you know” and left.
I am so flabbergasted. I don’t think Amy told anyone, but I told my wife. She said not to worry, that’s insane but? Did I break some weird unknown rule? Did I seem classist? Am I the asshole?
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> I think I’m the asshole because I could have seemed somehow like I was looking down on Amy for going to Disney.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
while i have to say, “it’s just not the kind of thing I think we’d spend our money on” is the kind of a line that could easily be delivered in a disrespectful or classist way, it seems pretty obvious from this story that you just didn’t know what else to say to her after she kept pushing it. what kind of adult keeps asking another adult why they haven’t visited disney? even you love it, you should realise it’s not for everyone (as you said over and over.) and the people it is actually designed for, are children. i think if it had been me i would have eventually said something that made her feel a lot more stupid than that.
NTA. It sounds like she’s a serious Disney fan, and dislikes the fact that it’s not something YOU care about. That’s 100% a her problem.
It seems like she has a double standard. She is allowed to not be interested or like how you take vacations, but you aren’t allowed to be disinterested in her type of vacation. NTA Disney Adults can be childish.
NTA – Disney is a cult.
NTA. You did nothing wrong.
Just going to Disney over and over really doesn’t do anything to enhance one’s perspective on life, the universe and everything.
NTA. Just sounds like Amy wasn’t particularly interested in the details of your particular vacation and you’re not interested in her preferred vacations. You meant no ill will. No worries. I agree with your wife, forget about it.
NTA You did nothing wrong and you have a right to tell her you won’t spend money on vacation you don’t want.
Soft NTA, with the caveat that telling someone something they love is not worth spending your money on does sound harsher and more judgmental than if you’d just stuck with a simple “It’s not the type of thing we enjoy.”
I’ll be classist – experiencing the world around you and other societies IS more cultured than going to Disney over and over. (I say that having done much traveling and having worked for Disney)
That said, she projected her own insecurities onto the conversation. You each have preferences that make you happy. You don’t have to understand the others motivation.
NTA
Vacation choices are personal. Not everyone wants to go to Disney. I live in California and have never gone, nor do I have a will to go. I don’t dislike Disney, it’s just not for me. As for historical trips, I guess it would depend. My ideal vacation would probably be a private tropical island somewhere. The point of my ramble is that everyone should do what gives them joy. I don’t see where you made her look stupid. She donned the dunce cap on her own with her attitude. NTA.
You just ran into a classic Disney Adult.
There are two kinds of Disney theme park fans: people who love going to the parks and hanging out and having a good time, then going home to their lives, and then there are Disney Adults. These people make it their entire personality, and have sunk a lot of money into Disney timeshares, Disney cruises, merch, apparel, accessories for their car, their Stanley, etc, and get really huffy if you don’t see the same value in it as they do, because they assume you’re looking down on them. It’s kind of exhauisting.
NTA. She thought you were yucking her yum, but really I think she’s just being insecure.
NTA.
She has a double standard, she’s not into your travel but you’re supposed to be into hers.
She’s clearly feeling insecure so maybe you could have phrased it a little more gently but she’d still likely feel the same sense of insecurity.
I’m also childless and a traveler and would have to simply say that I have been to Disney, and it was back when I was 7 years old. It was great, but not my thing anymore for quite some time.
No doubt that would offend her too, but the truth is that no one’s travel is inherently better than anyone else’s. People should travel to places they enjoy and you are clearly not compatible with this person.
NTA. Amy needs to chill and understand her preferences are not the same as others.
NTA to each their own, and you did nothing wrong by saying Disney wasn’t for you. Obviously she felt insecure listening about your travels, but that’s her problem, not yours.
Is Disney even a vacation? NTA. I’m with you. Wife and I love to visit cities in different countries.. explore, eat new food, site see, museums etc.
> She asked if I had ever been and I said “no that’s not really my thing” and then she kept on saying why and how amazing it was and just said “it’s not the type of thing I think we’d spend our money on.”
A tiiiny ESH. She overreacted and seems insecure – surprising, I’m sure, for a Disney Adult. You don’t keep pointing out you wouldn’t go on her vacation, though. The thing to say is “I’m glad you had fun” or “that’s cool” or “uh huh” and then move along. You don’t just keep saying you would never – especially by bringing up money like you think it’s a waste. Saying you wouldn’t spend money on It makes it sound like you do think you’re “too good” for her basic Disney vacation or at least that you think she wastes her money on it… Which she does, but we don’t bring that up lol.
Oooh, definitely NTA, but “it’s not the type of thing I think we’d spend our money on” can come off judgmental if the person you’re speaking with doesn’t know you that well or is already insecure (which Amy sounds like). After you said, “No, that’s not really my thing” and Amy asked why, maybe you should have just told her instead of letting her reach the conclusion she did. That’s optional of course, but as someone who got called elitist a lot when I was younger for not explaining my preferences more, I’m just suggesting it. Like, “I had a horrible experience when I was younger and hate crowds” would have made her feel less small than “Yeah, everything you described doesn’t sound like it’s worth my money,” which I’m sure is how she heard what you said.
NTA, not everyone is obsessed with Disney, Amy needs to be more understanding.
NTA She likes Disney for the fantasy escape. Some people like this. Some like camping, fishing etc… You like historical adventures. To each his own. We also like traveling to historical places we’ve read about and also the food experience. I guess if it comes up again just say everyone has their own idea fun, relaxation and adventure.
FWIW, you do sound a certain way when describing your travel preferences. The way you threw in that Amy liked ‘mainstream’ things as if to imply that the way you travel isn’t mainstream sounds a bit hispter elite. And bringing up love island as an example of being mainstream was kinda funny and condescending all at the same time. LI is trash; and I say that as someone who watches LI.
Your travel style is very mainstream among everyone I know, tbh. Including myself. There’s really nothing special about it.
That said, it all depends on your tone. I kinda think you might have had one. ESP bc she said ‘not like you’re better than me’. I infer just based on that reply that you do come across in a way that you might not be aware of.
I’m gonna say ESH for shits and giggles. But it’s purely speculative. you for being snobby, and her for being one of those Disney people.
(And I say that also as a former Disney person, but I had a kid, and we’re locals, so that’s my excuse.)
I’m a typical all inclusive, sit on the beach, or Disney vacation go-er. My best friend is an adventure paddle boarding, camping in her own camper van vacationer. I know she’d hate my vacations and I’d hate hers. Different strokes for different folks and all that!
NTA. Disney people are just wired different.
NTA….You told her it was not your thing. Does not mean that you think you are better than her. Would she think the same if you turned it around? If you said how amazing your trip was? Even though, she stated that it was not her kind of trip?
NTA. She’s weird for making you feel bad about liking something different. Going to Disney is not my thing either. I’m the “let’s visit ancient ruins for vacation” type.
NTA. It’s her problem and she tried to make it yours. I think you gave a perfectly valid response and she couldn’t or wouldn’t handle it like an adult.
NTA You’ve just experienced a “Disney Adult”. They’re all that insufferable.
Every. Single. One.
Disney is 90% for children. Hard stop. The other 10% is for family members stuck taking the crumb smashers there. Adults without children at Disney are cringe AF. Just like at Chucky Cheese or at a playground.
ESH – you both sound insufferable.
NTA. I feel like you could be read as classist…by people looking for classism. I don’t think it inherently was.
I didn’t hear your tone, and sometimes we all sound differently than we think we do. So, no judgement.
Disney Adults are the worst.
NTA She was for pushing you to change your lack of desire to visit Disney (I have never been nor did I take my children). One of my grown kids went with his wife and they had a blast, (they also travel overseas), and my response to them asking if I would want to go would the same as yours “not my thing” as beaches and diving, hiking beautiful places or eating my way through a foreign city are of far more interest to me…even when I took my two children. You didnt criticize her choice, you said it wasnt for YOU. Any assumptions she made about how someone might perceive a Disney traveler was all in her own mind.
NTA. Disney is SO EXPENSIVE. It seems like she felt like you didn’t quite understand what the experience of going to Disney is like–and maybe you don’t fully understand–and wanted to help you see how amazing it is, to connect over what a cool and immersive experience she has found it to be.
But she was being pushy, and you were not interested in being talked into wanting to vacation at Disney.
Sounds like she is insecure and needs everyone to like what she likes or she feels hurt. You did nothing wrong. She needs to work on herself if this level of conversation sends her into a tailspin.
A friend’s teen told me that I was a bad mom because I’ve never taken my kids to Disney. I think her parents have warped priorities for taking money out of every refinance of their house to pay for another Disney trip.
Maybe you could have said “that’s not the kind of thing I think we’d enjoy” instead. The spending money on comment does come off a little judgmental, but still, NTA.
NTA
Different people like different types of vacations…. that’s ok….no reason for her to get upset because you enjoy a very different vacation than she does, to each their own.
If she personally felt bad about not doing something “cultured” or adventurous…. that’s on her….she is an AH for trying to make you feel bad about your vacation.
INFO: was she trying to convince you that you would/should like going on a Disney vacation? Or was she just talking about how much she liked it? Tone is everything. If your only response to someone just describing their vacation, not even trying to convince you that you would like it, is to make it about yourself and how you wouldn’t like it (and more than once) it can come off rude. If this person in fact was trying to convince you that you would/should enjoy going to Disney World then your response was perfectly acceptable and polite. There’s nothing wrong with saying it’s not for you, and perhaps this person does feel a little insecure about liking Disney vacations as an adult, but I suspect we are missing a bit of context only getting one side of it, and can’t know what expression or tone you had while saying it.
NTA. We’re also not Disney fans. We enjoy freedom and spontanuity on our vacations. Disney felt so forced and sad. Enjoy YOUR vacations the way YOU like!
NTA. Disney Adults really are their own thing.
Nta everyone likes something different. My husband and I will go and wander places full of history and the same trip also wander local malls
Lots of folks love Disney and that is their right, but they shouldn’t huff because you aren’t interested in the same
Definitely NTA. You said it’s not your thing. They pressed the issue. You pressed back.
YTA, for the way you said it. “Not something we’d spend our money on” immediately casts judgement on her for spending money on that very thing. You obviously do judge her (after only a couple meetings) for her “mainstream” preferences, but a more neutral reply would have hidden your disdain. “I don’t know if Disney is our thing, but it sounds like you’ve had some really memorable trips there. So what else is new with you?”
NTA