I, 37F, received a Facebook message from a guy I dated in my early 20s. I have not spoken to him in well over 10 years. He reached out asking if I had his number. Of course I didn’t, so he gave it to me and practically begged me to call him. He said he wanted to discuss and apologize for the way our relationship ended all those years ago. At this point I am very confused because I dumped him. And I didn’t remember any traumatic ending to our relationship other than I met someone else and decided our 3 year on again/off again situation had run its course.
So even though I am very confused, I decided to just call and see what was going on and why it was so important we talk. I called him later that night and he answered with “oh I’m so sorry I am in the middle of moving and I’m super busy. Can we talk at a later time?” Now I’m not only confused, but also a little pissed off. Why would he message me asking for me to call him when he is busy? And why would he not mention that in his previous message?
He does eventually call me back around 10 PM that night. He proceeds to trauma dump on me about the last 4 years of his life. He told me that he had to be the full time caregiver for his mom who was diagnosed with cancer and had recently passed away. He told me how hard it was for him and how it made him really reflect on himself and to get his life together.
I told him I was sorry for his loss and that I can completely understand how hard that was to go through. He then updates me on his life and where he is now what he is up to. Again – told him that is great and I’m glad he finally got some direction in his life.
At this point I am waiting for him to get to the whole reason for this call – to apologize and make amends. However that never happens. After talking for almost 25 minutes straight, he then says “well it’s my puppy’s birthday and I’m super tired so I am going to go to bed.” He promises to text me tomorrow. And then hangs up.
I have zero idea what just happened. Is this a normal thing for men to do? Can someone explain to me what just happened and why he felt the need to reach out after all of this time? I also feel like it should be mentioned that this happened 5 days ago and he hasn’t messaged or called since. Any thoughts or ideas on this whole situation would be welcome.
Comments
Sounds like he’s lonely, a little odd, thought maybe he could rekindle things with you, or at least have a fling, but got cold feet, maybe because he realized his approach was weird and ineffective!
Do you think he’s drinking?
Yes, pretty normal. Men have to go through this stage where they trauma dumped on whoever they hurt so they can move on with their lives and be a better person.
I’d say probably just block him and move on…but be proud of him and be excited that you were a considerable help and his life should be upwards from here hopefully, even if you won’t be waiting around to witness a single moment of that shit . 💪🙏🙏
Weird story, i don’t get what was he thinking may be he just wanted to know how are you doing after so many years still if you get any idea do post
block the number move on back to life you had and have last 15 years or so.
Just because someone reaches out to you to reconnect doesn’t mean they have to be available at the moment of your choosing. And being transparent and emotionally open about his life isn’t trauma dumping. Men can’t win. It sounds like he has done the personal reflection that women want here, felt the two of you had potential and wanted to see if it was possible to restart that, but when he was open and you didn’t do the same, realised you weren’t into it and let sleeping dogs lie.
The only thing he did wrong here was to promise to text and then not, but I’m guessing your reaction to that was so cold he didn’t bother.
He thinks he wasn’t good enough and let you get away and now he will work to earn you back. Don’t waste your time.
I have an ex boyfriend who’s an alcoholic that would routinely call me every 5-10 years when he relapses to apologize and tell me how terrible his life is. I blocked him a year or two ago. I would say he was drunk or on something when they first made contact.
He obviously wants what he had b4 if u want to talk to him just reach out and tell him how u fill the person who would get hurt would b your BF/GF if your hiding it from said person sounds like u get a lot of attention i wish i were u
I would guess he was packing and saw something that reminded him of you. He felt nostalgic and reached out. Kept packing and the nostalgia moved on to something else and then you called. His brain had moved on and wasn’t ready for you calling. He then “trauma dumped” because so much nostalgia got brought up from the packing.
This might seem out of left field, but it could be drugs. My ex trauma dumped on anyone who would listen in hopes they would give him money. Sometimes, they did. Every time, he spent it on drugs. It never went to whatever thing he cried to them about; things that had a kernel of truth to them, but were really just shit-pearls of bullshit designed to extract money from decent people.
Don’t even suggest therapy, he’ll tell you how he can’t afford it. Just block him and move on. In no way does the responsibility to help this man fall on his girlfriend from 10 years ago.
Also confused. Could that be his version of an apology? It’s not an apology at all, but does he think that telling you all the bad things in his life is an apology? It’s not.
Best guess is he’s down in the dumps, tired and depressed, He’s lost everyone around him or so he feels and is regretting his past life and decisions. He needs a therapist and unfortunately you’re it. Take it as a karma point that you allowed him to cry on your shoulder and just let it go.