Right, so I (28M) have always had a somewhat strained relationship with my older brother (35M). He was, to put it bluntly, rather cruel to me throughout our childhood. He bullied me quite relentlessly until he left home after finishing school. We were raised by a single mum who was doing her absolute best to keep things afloat, and I never told her what was going on at the time because I didn’t want to add to her burdens.
These days, I’m married with a young son and a stable job. My brother, on the other hand, has fallen on hard times, mostly due to a longstanding gambling problem that’s left him in serious financial trouble. A few years ago, he attempted to reconnect and offer something of an apology, but it felt rather performative, if I’m honest. I’ve kept things civil, but distant.
Now, to the heart of the matter, last month, whilst I was at work, my brother came to my home and took my son’s old stroller without so much as a message. It’s a rather expensive bit of kit, still in excellent condition, and I had already promised it to one of my closest friends, whose wife is expecting their first child. I’d told him weeks in advance that it was his, and he was genuinely touched.
When I confronted my brother about it, he was completely dismissive. He said something like, “I’m your brother, that’s your nephew. Why are you helping them over your own family?” as though that somehow settled the matter. Frankly, I found the entitlement staggering.
So, last week, I drove over to his flat while he was out and had a word with his wife, who, to her credit, was polite but clearly upset. She said their son had grown used to the stroller and they simply couldn’t afford another. I told her I sympathised, but it had been promised to someone else and, ultimately, it had never been theirs to begin with.
I took it back and delivered it to my friend, just as I’d said I would.
Later that day, my brother rang me in a fury, accusing me of being heartless and disloyal, and said I’d “stolen from a baby” and was “a disgrace to the family.” I’ve since blocked him.
My wife fully supports my decision. My mum hasn’t said anything either way. A couple of mutual acquaintances, however, reckon I was too harsh and that since I can “afford to be generous,” I should have just let them keep it.
So, AITA for taking the pram back and giving it to the person I’d promised it to, instead of letting my brother keep it after he took it without asking?
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Right, so I (28M) have always had a somewhat strained relationship with my older brother (35M). He was, to put it bluntly, rather cruel to me throughout our childhood. He bullied me quite relentlessly until he left home after finishing school. We were raised by a single mum who was doing her absolute best to keep things afloat, and I never told her what was going on at the time because I didn’t want to add to her burdens.
These days, I’m married with a young son and a stable job. My brother, on the other hand, has fallen on hard times, mostly due to a longstanding gambling problem that’s left him in serious financial trouble. A few years ago, he attempted to reconnect and offer something of an apology, but it felt rather performative, if I’m honest. I’ve kept things civil, but distant.
Now, to the heart of the matter, last month, whilst I was at work, my brother came to my home and took my son’s old stroller without so much as a message. It’s a rather expensive bit of kit, still in excellent condition, and I had already promised it to one of my closest friends, whose wife is expecting their first child. I’d told him weeks in advance that it was his, and he was genuinely touched.
When I confronted my brother about it, he was completely dismissive. He said something like, “I’m your brother, that’s your nephew. Why are you helping them over your own family?” as though that somehow settled the matter. Frankly, I found the entitlement staggering.
So, last week, I drove over to his flat while he was out and had a word with his wife, who, to her credit, was polite but clearly upset. She said their son had grown used to the stroller and they simply couldn’t afford another. I told her I sympathised, but it had been promised to someone else and, ultimately, it had never been theirs to begin with.
I took it back and delivered it to my friend, just as I’d said I would.
Later that day, my brother rang me in a fury, accusing me of being heartless and disloyal, and said I’d “stolen from a baby” and was “a disgrace to the family.” I’ve since blocked him.
My wife fully supports my decision. My mum hasn’t said anything either way. A couple of mutual acquaintances, however, reckon I was too harsh and that since I can “afford to be generous,” I should have just let them keep it.
So, AITA for taking the pram back and giving it to the person I’d promised it to, instead of letting my brother keep it after he took it without asking?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the arsehole because, even though my brother took the thing without asking, which, let’s be honest, is basically stealing, I still ended up taking something back from a baby. And it wasn’t just the baby; it was his wife too, who isn’t the one with the history of treating me like rubbish.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
you clearly don’t need any lessons in generosity, since you had already promised the stroller to a friend. it is a further mark of good character that you refused to go back on your word.
i’d go so far as to bet that you would have helped your brother get a new stroller if he had approached you as a friend with a problem, instead of a resource to abuse.
NTA
So basically your brother stole your property and when you retrieved it he verbally abused you. In what universe is that okay? Apparently your brother’s, who occupies a different universe than normal people. NTA.
NTA – the stroller was yours to do as you pleased, your brother had no right it. And no, “because I want it, and we are fAmiLY” doesn’t give him any right.
NTA. Your brother stole from you. Doesn’t matter who it was for, or that it was “family”. He didn’t ask, didn’t apologize, and acted entitled when called out. You gave it to the person you promised it to, end of story
NTA
Your brother unfortunatly only tried to somewhat reconnect because he saw in advantage in it. Had the reltionship been normal, I am sure you would have been there to help his new family out, but he burned that bridge by his own actions. Now, he has to deal with it on his own.
You have shown your good heart by already promising the stroller to a good friend and that good heart also is showing by you posting here still wondering if you did the right thing.
You’re NTA. Yoeu repossessed something that had been stolen from you. It’s no one’s business what you intended to do with it.
NTA Even if the stroller hadn’t been promised to someone else, you needed to take it back because of the precedent. Your brother walked into your house and took something that didn’t belong to him because he wanted it, and he felt entitled to do so. What’s it going to be next time? Is he going to stick to items your child no longer needs, or is he going to decide that he needs your kid’s tablet while he’s playing on it? No, you needed to nip this behavior in the bud so that he can learn that he is only entitled to what you choose to give him, he does not get to decide which of your belongings you’re done with, or his behavior will only escalate.
NTA. I’m sure you’re taking measures to ensure he can’t steal from you again. And I’m glad to hear those mutual acquaintances are buying your brother a stroller since they can afford to be generous.
NTA. You made a promise, and he broke your trust. You didn’t “steal from a baby”, you took back something that was never his to begin with. Actions have consequences
I have to say, your older brother sounds a great deal like mine. My brother was simply the worst bully I’d ever known in my life. And since I was the youngest of a large family to a single mother, there was nothing I could do but take it.
And he also had this vile habit of claiming what belonged to me and flaunting the stolen item in front of me, knowing I could do nothing about it and our mother wouldn’t.
So, you know my perspective comes with considerable bias. But . . . NTA.
The bottom line is, you never told him he could have it and he never asked if he could have it. The fact that he’s related to you doesn’t change the fact that this was theft. And his entitlement made it worse for himself. I suggest this, because if he had asked for the pram, I’d be willing to bet you would have explained that you promised it to someone else, but you would have bought him another (less expensive) one, recognizing that he and his wife could use the help.
But since he feels he can just take stuff without asking, he can go kick rocks. I’m sure there are decent and cheap prams to be had at Goodwill or a flea market.
How did hey get into your house to get it? I believe this story is fake.
YTA for lying.
You were pretty generous not to report him for theft.
NTA. Your response was a minimal escalation; your brother should be grateful for that. I’d have called the police on him.
NTA
Generosity is you choosing to give it. He stole it.
NTA. You had already promised it to someone and even if you hadn’t, he still should have asked first and accepted your no.
NTA he stole from you.
NTA at all. He stole from you.
NTA, and you may want to have a clarifying conversation with the wife of bro explaining you owe them nothing. And not to expect anything.
NTA. Your brother is the one that stole from a baby. What he’s doing is called projecting, and playing the victim. Which he’s not. He’s a thief.
To put it into perspective for you would your brother ever consider making a post asking “aita for stealing from my brother and also a baby?” I’ve never met your brother but I’m sure the answer is no. But that’s the question he should have asked himself. Before he stole from his brother. And a baby.
All ye’re mutual friends that think you should have let him have it can all pitch in and buy him one. That way he can properly throw all his toys out of his pram.
INFO how did a brother that you are only civil with get into your house and take a stroller without anyone stopping him? Find it hard to believe you gave him a key or didn’t notice him walking out with it if you were at home. Or did he break a window or door to get in and randomly take a stroller and nothing else despite all that effort and risk?
She chose to marry and have a child with a thief and gambler.
>She said their son had grown used to the stroller and they simply couldn’t afford another.
I don’t care. I would called the police and made it much, much worse for him. NTA.
Also why does your brother who you’ve never liked, who bullied you growing up have a key to your home?
Eh. You need to be more specific on how he got the stroller. If your wife gave it to him you are kind of an Ahole. If he literally stole it then nta.
Nta
He’s a thief. He doesn’t get to keep things that he stole.
NTA. All these mutual acquaintances are willfully ignoring the fact that he stole from you. Are their items up for grabs just because someone else wants them?
NTA. He had already stolen it from your friends baby.. how did he take it from your house though .
How did your brother have access to your home? If he has a key- take it back.
Also, stop asking your friends if you were wrong. Not their business.
He stole it. Fuck that.
NTA
Isn’t he lucky you didn’t report him to authorities for theft?
Why TF does your brother, who has a gambling problem and sticky fingers, have a key to your home? You’re going to be very sorry if you don’t rectify this immediately.
NTA but don’t be a fool.
NTA. And it’s not about if you could afford to be generous. It’s about if your friends, the new parents could afford to. You promised the item to them and they were not expecting or budgeting for it. To allow your brother to keep the stolen stroller would mean this couple would have to purchase a stroller instead of your brother. It’s their generosity he’s depending on. Not yours.
I hope you’ve addressed whatever circumstances allowed your brother into your home to steal it without your knowledge in the first place.
NTA
He pretty much guaranteed himself, his wife and kid(s) a no contact relationship.
He stole from you, stole from your friend (so claiming you were talking from a baby, he can just STFU)
I’m wondering how he got into your place to stay the pram? If look into replacing locks, securing windows, getting cameras/alarm if you feel the need is that great.
Sorry this happened OP but sounds like you partly expected it from his past actions and who he is.
Good luck
Nta
You know in your heart you’re correct and your brother was wrong. And he knows he was wrong too because he actually came to your house and stole the pram without your knowledge. No need to second guess any about this. NTA