Ok guys so I live in east Yorkshire, England. And we went on a trip to south Wales for a couple of days, which is a 5 and a half hour drive from where I live. This is a friend I have known for a very long time. He was actually supposed to drive and agreed to because I am not comfortable driving long distances like that. But he hurt his foot at the gym the day before, and I basically had no choice but to drive. Anyway, it was all fine. We got there and had a good time. But the problem came when we left. My friend booked the hotel we stayed at, and he was the one who signed in and out.
So over halfway home (3 hours of driving). He realises he left a bunch of his stuff at the hotel. His wallet, house keys and his own car keys. He freaked out and begged me to go back. No one else would be in his house, and he needed his car to go to work on Monday. I was very frustrated by this, of course. It messed up my own plans and meant adding 6 hours more to the drive in total. Which was exhausting (keep in mind this is driving in England, nothing like the nice open American roads). I probably did say some mean things in frustration. But I relented and did it. I drove back and we got his stuff. And after a horrible drive, we got home. Realising that I had to spend £70 on fuel because of the extra 6 hours. And I told him in no uncertain terms, I expect him to give me the money. To me, that is completely fair. He disagreed. Couldn’t believe I was even asking, “that’s what friends do!” he exclaimed. He shouted and argued and he stormed off. But I am not backing down. Mutual friends are now messaging me, saying I am AITA.
AITA?
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Ok guys so I live in east Yorkshire, England. And we went on a trip to south Wales for a couple of days, which is a 5 and a half hour drive from where I live. This is a friend I have known for a very long time. He was actually supposed to drive and agreed to because I am not comfortable driving long distances like that. But he hurt his foot at the gym the day before, and I basically had no choice but to drive. Anyway, it was all fine. We got there and had a good time. But the problem came when we left. My friend booked the hotel we stayed at, and he was the one who signed in and out.
So over halfway home (3 hours of driving). He realises he left a bunch of his stuff at the hotel. His wallet, house keys and his own car keys. He freaked out and begged me to go back. No one else would be in his house, and he needed his car to go to work on Monday. I was very frustrated by this, of course. It messed up my own plans and meant adding 6 hours more to the drive in total. Which was exhausting (keep in mind this is driving in England, nothing like the nice open American roads). I probably did say some mean things in frustration. But I relented and did it. I drove back and we got his stuff. And after a horrible drive, we got home. Realising that I had to spend £70 on fuel because of the extra 6 hours. And I told him in no uncertain terms, I expect him to give me the money. To me, that is completely fair. He disagreed. Couldn’t believe I was even asking, “that’s what friends do!” he exclaimed. He shouted and argued and he stormed off. But I am not backing down. Mutual friends are now messaging me, saying I am AITA.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) If demanding money from my friend in this situation was acceptable. 2) because my friend made an honest mistake and I expect him to pay for it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. He forgot his stuff. You drove both ways after he bailed on his driving responsibility. And now he’s calling you a bad friend for asking him to cover the fuel for his mistake? Nah. That’s just selfish
Yeah, it would be fair of him to pay that.
But it would also have been a good idea to tell him you would only turn around if he paid the extra gas cost.
But ofcourse in the heat of the moment you dont always think about that.
In one sense you cant claim payment for a service if the payment was not disclosed before the service was given, in another sense it would be fair of him to offer it on his own accord.
You are not being an asshole, he should pay this.
But a lot of troubles wold have been saved if you asked him to pay before you turned the car around.
Absolutely unequivocally NTA.
NTA their negligence caused you to spend an unholy amount on gas that you should not have to, if they were mindful
NTA at all, I had to drive to pick up a friend and he payed all the gas because it was his mistake he was his mistake. It should’ve been expected given you weren’t supposed to be driving in the fist place and £70 is alot
NTA, 3 hours is a heck of a long way to realise he forgot his stuff at the hotel. I know the feeling of wanting to get home after a long roadtrip and having to turn around 3 hours in would be incredibly demoralizing. Honestly, the £70 should be a convenience fee for your troubles.
NTA.
What friends do is drive six hours out of their way to help out a friend who made a dumbass mistake.
What friends also do is automatically compensate and show appreciation for the friends who have helped them out.
The fact that he shouted and stormed off after you did him such a solid favour reflects really badly on him.
He probably thought he could get away with buying you a pint some time, which is a bullshit repayment.
Edit: typo
NTA, but it’s petty to ask. Half-jokingly tell him he owes you a few pints sometime and leave it at that.
NTA- I have asked friends to pay me back for gas money for a one hour round trip. I’m not sure how much money that is in USD, but even if it were $70 I’d be pissed and asking for the friend to pay me back. They wasted your time and time is money. Not to mention that the more you drive a car of course the more the quality of it declines over time. Your friend needs to absolutely pay you back.
NTA
Having to drive 3h each way, he’s lucky you’re only charging him for gas and not a half-day of labor. Because he forgot something and can’t wait for it to be shipped.
You were a good friend to go back. But you should obviously be paid for gas and his treat to an awesome restaurant for wasting 6 hours of your time. NTA
NTA that is a lot of baby dropping his parents did to create someone who would FORGET his wallet, keys AND phone.
NTA – Your friend is an irresponsible narcissist.
NTA. I probably would not have asked, but that doesn’t mean you can’t.
NTA.3 hours before he realised he forgot the three most important things.
NTA. He forgot his stuff. You sacrificed your time, comfort, and fuel to help him fix it. The very least he can do is pay you back for the fuel. That’s not being petty, that’s being fair
You should not even have to ask that, imho. Common sense should tell him to offer you fuel money at least, and a cup of coffee
Your idea that American roads are nice is incredibly, well, wrong 😆😆. As to the question, though, I don’t think you are an AH, but if you didn’t ask for petrol money up front, it is kind of on you.
NTA. It’s taking the piss that he didn’t pay, much less offer.
HTF does one forget one’s keys and wallet? Mind boggling!
6 hours of driving is nearly an entire work day EXTRA on top of an already 5 hour drive. What does he think it would have cost if he would have called the hotel and let them mail it to him next day delivery. Definitely more than 70 pounds.
NTA. You were asking for very little I would probably tell him he owes me for my time. Moron just wasted a quarter of you day.
NTA. Too right they should pay. They stuffed up and you should not be financially covering it.
Off topic, but what are these nice open American roads of which you speak? 🙂 Signed, someone from outside Philadelphia. But definitely NTA!!
NTA. dude should have OFFERED
NTA, Your friend(?) is an AH. Why should you pay for his mistake? Your mutual friends can pay you.
NTA. Get your money then go NC.
You didn’t drive a quick trip around the block, you drove an additional six hours.
Your friend’s audacity is ridiculous and I’d NEVER do a favor for him again.
NTA. You went well beyond what would be reasonable. And it was the right thing to do. Now it’s their turn to step up and do the right thing. And they’re not.
Screw this “friend”. Incompetent AND selfish AND petty.
NTA. Maybe next time he won’t be so irresponsible.
Nta. Guy owes you more than gas money. Owes you a night out on the town, dinner and drinks. That’s what friends do.
NTA you need to get paid for HIS negligence. And why are mutual friends even calling you an asshole? seems ridiculous
NTA I’d have told him to get the bloody train! He wasted 6 hours of your life (and wear and tear on your vehicle) and expects you to pay for the pleasure?!
NTA. He forgot important items and didn’t even notice until three hours down the road? Never in my wildest dreams would I ask a friend to turn back at that point, let alone to do it without compensation.
NTA.
What friends do is make it right when they infringe on the friends lives through their own carelessness.
I good and honest friend would have said “I’m sorry. I screwed up. Can you take me back please, I will reimburse you for fuel costs and inconvenience”.
Info: how were the other expenses split? Was it even or did he pick up more tabs, hotel, etc?
You’re not wrong for alpine for mine it all else was even (and your friend hasn’t done favors for you in the past),
Saying mean things to someone who is upset and made a mistake does sound like asshole territory
Life lesson- mention payment before turning around.
Answer to your question NTA. He ruined your plans, made you drive 6 hours longer (I am in the UK and highly sympathise), it’s reasonable to expect something in return. Or you could have dropped him at the station and left him to sort his mess.
NTA – Clearly his fault he should pay it. Only thing I would factor in is the cumulative gas spending. How do those trips typically get paid gas wise? Other expenses? If it’s pretty equal or you pay more than him then 100% he should pay. If he typically pays way more, then perhaps let it go, or at least demand half.
You made a mistake not demanding cash up front before turning around.
He’s not your friend.
NTA. I would have graciously offered you gas/toll money and a nice dinner at least to go back.
Honestly, you should have never had to ask. He should have apologized for the inconvenience and asked you how much gas money you needed. 🤦🏽♀️
NTA. Your mutual friends have heard only one side of the story. So, not only did he take advantage of your kindness, but he is badmouthing you to your friends. He is the AH. No good deed goes unpunished.
NTA. Any friend who expects you to drive 6 hours to deal with his mistake but refuses to even pay for fuel is a friend you don’t need.
Your so called friend is delusional. They need to give fuel money and give you a meal or something.
NTA. Cut them all off. None of them are your real friends. Get better people instead of the entitled narcissistic trash that you’ve been associating with. And let that one exploitative guy that’s been using you as a chauffeur start targeting the others and have them see how they like it when he starts mooching off of them instead of you.
Yta
How was the rest of the trip paid? If it was split equally, you should include the gas portion and split that too.
But also wonder how often he drives to convenience you because you dont like to drive far? Do you pay for the gas and the wear and tear on his car or so you just accept his generosity simply because thats what friends do? I have a feeling you are used to him taking care of everything and youre okay with going along for the ride.
But always being the one to drive gets annoying. Where was your sense of equity when he was always driving? Or do you prefer a one way street?
But in the end, you agreed to take him back after he asked. You cant just hand someone an invoice after you agreed to do them a favor and then expect them to pay. He had just placed all the hotel charges on his card. Maybe his card is maxed. Who knows? But if someone offered to help you out and then handed you a bill, you would be upset too.
NTA
He forgot his stuff which is his fault. The least he could’ve done is pay for the gas. As a friend you helped out by driving, but that doesn’t mean you are required to do it for free just because you are friends. He could’ve hired someone to drive him back for much more.
NTA – a real friend would have offered to pay, especially since it was their fault.
You should have had him fill up your tank on the way, while he still had incentive.