Mine was actually my first serious relationship when I was 20.
Long story short — I was abused as a child, and this girlfriend was abusive in basically all the same ways.
I always had to walk on eggshells. You never know what brand new, arbitrary standard she suddenly thought up to scream at me for not meeting.
She once screamed at me for 30 minutes because I did not own a pair of sunglasses.
She even knew about my childhood and how it gave me mental issues, and then she told me I was pathetic for having depression and even smacked me on multiple occasions.
She would go through my texts, notes and emails on my phone and then tell me I was lying to her because I kept some of my thoughts private.
There are plenty more details, but generally she was extremely controlling and would fly off the handle for no reason all the time.
She demanded that we not use any sort of contraceptive. I was only 20 and not planning to have kids anytime soon and made that clear. She insisted that we have unprotected sex and even that I cum in her and said I was worrying for nothing.
That was a line I didn’t budge on, thank god I put my foot down.
If I had ended up having a child with that woman, I no doubt today would be either divorced or in a horrible marriage/relationship, financially tied to someone who abuses me, and of course extremely depressed.
Being treated that way was what I was used to up til that point and I feel like maybe that’s why I took so long to recognize what I was going through was unacceptable. Thank god I woke up and dumped her ass.
Anyways, anyone else unfortunate enough to have been with an evil woman? What did you learn from it? Do you have a good wife/girlfriend now?
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I didn’t wanna say who she is, but it took me all my strength back when narcissism was popular not to accept that she fit the description. She even did the gaslighting and victim blaming stuff. What hurts the most is that she was very good at pretending. đ
I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that my last relationship (broke up two months ago) was with a person who did not behave ethically towards me. Possibly a narcissist.
Woman I spent majority of my 20s with. It started out innocently enough but the last few years she was controlling and abusive to say the least. I didnât realize how bad it was until I met another woman and told her about everything.
Very traumatic relationship that took me about a year even really âreprogramâ myself away from.
One of my first girlfriends. I dated her off and her on from like 14/15-17. Not constantly. She was nuts. Sheâd accuse you of lying or cheating or SOMETHING, unless she agreed at some unspecified time before this accusation. For example, you waved at your waitress or something when you left? Who is she, why did you wave at her when we left? For hours. If it wasnât her circle of ever dwindling friends, they were liars, cheaters, had no morals. Everyone did something wrong to her at some point. Sheâd go out of her way to do whatever it is she thought you did so could see how it felt. She thought you lied? Sheâd lie to you until you caught on, and deflect. She thought you were being too friendly? Sheâd go be extra friendly to someone. Etc etc.
I’ve got two, maybe three.
One faked a pregnancy to cover alcoholism twice (second time, shame on me.) Which came with all the lies etc… When it all came out, we decided to work through it. However, her idea of working through it was to sleep with her boss who was married with two kids and still continue drinking.
Second was just a nasty piece of work that just came out in the wash over time. Finished off with her thinking I’d cheated on her and because her dreams were prophetic it meant it was true. When I dumped her she attacked me (well… mostly tried to.)
The maybe third was my first GF. Lots of unresolved serious trauma that just played badly on the relationship. If she had a bad day at work, unrelated to me, I got the silent treatment and cold shoulder. “We” never wanted to do anything but it was my fault that we never did anything. So many good times could get tainted for little or no reason just because. Lots of spinning plates on that one and we did ultimately have a long running friendship after we broke up (for the third time) although that has now ended.
My last one. She thought she had no faults and held me to unspoken standards. Said I was undeserving of sex because I didn’t “do enough”. Looking back at it, 6yrs after divorce, she was the worst woman I was ever involved with…..and I was cheated on before.
My first. I was 16 and she was 15. I was trying not to push too hard sexually since we were young. We went on a church retreat and she had sex with another guy while we were there. Good times.
My ex-wife. She cheated on me with coworkers, friends, I was naive and oblivious. Ended up marrying her, when I found out divorced her. At the time, she was pregnant with her second kid. He wasn’t mine, she wouldn’t name the father and I paid child support for him. She named him after one of my best friends. While separated, her idea was for us to have a half opened marriage. She gets to fuck whoever she wanted. I got to have sex with her, no one else. Basically, what she was doing before but with my knowledge and consent.
Said hard no to that one.
My first real relationship too was similar, but we did get married and have a kid and it was every bit the hell you avoided. More than 20 years later and she is still the worst person I know.
She ended up abandoning our son at my parentâs house, and I got physical custody. Never took her to court for child support or anything because 1: I couldnât afford it and 2: sheâd never pay and 3: any kind of reason for her to be in my live would never be worth it. Just her being in your orbit is life destroying. Weâve not heard from her in several years. Each and every time I have heard from her it was an angle to try and get something from me, working an angle.
More of an irritation. I met a girl on bumble and things looked alright on paper, when we texted she was incredibly bubbly and we would talk for hours.
Then I met her in person and it was like talking to a brick wall
“Would you like to get dinner?”
“….”
Does this place look okay to you?
….
Okay… let’s go here…
….
But as soon as she left my place she was leaving me walls of text. After we hooked up and started dating she became more and more erratic. Oh, I didn’t text her back in 15 minutes? She would send me a wall of text demanding to know what I was doing. Oh, she sent me 10 questions rapid fire and I only responded to nine? WHY DIDN’T YOU RESPOND TO THE OTHER QUESTION!?!?
There were all of these insecurities when she texted me and it grew increasingly frustrating, and then when we were physically together it was like talking to a brick wall.
When she broke up with me I was actually relieved.
I’ve met two other guys who have dated her and they’ve had similar experiences. Constantly asking for attention by text while being unnecessarily accusative and clingy while being a cold fish in person.
FiancĂ© cheated on me with 3 male strippers at her bachelorette party and didnât think it was cheating cause we werenât married yet.
It was my oldest children mother. Lord knows I should’ve ran for the hills, but man I stayed because I got a soft spot for kids. She knew I was trying to quit drinking and in the middle of me mumbling to myself while being drunk, she would pop up with more drinks. So I’m like ok, jus 1 more won’t hurt, right? Shiiiiiiit, that one turned into another 6 pack and another. I don’t really recall much from those years due to the alcohol abuse and all the trauma. I’m not blaming anyone for me continuing to drink at that time, but if I’m telling you I need to quit don’t bring me more of the thing I wanna quit please.
Karissa, because… I mean, have you met her?!
When I was young, like 14 to 17 I had a woman who liked to cut me with a dagger during sx and lik the blood. I had to join the Navy to get away from her. All the other girls in town were afraid of her soooo. Her or no one till I was old enough to leave town.
Ok, I wanna start off by saying I didnât think we were dating. She was just someone I occasionally met up with, usually to give her a ride somewhere. Nothing romantic or anything like itâŠ
That being said, she had BPD and I wasnât really aware of the fact she had somehow identified me as her person. She was texting me several times a day, asking when I wanted to come over to her place, asking me to come over EVERY SINGLE DAY. Iâm not that social and I did not feel we were dating. I did on some level know all wasnât right but I was busy trying to finish a trade program.
Then one day, my mom died and I spent a month or so traveling to her (my mom) city. I told the woman I was going to be out of town for an unknown amount of time. She seemed fine, so whatever.
Well I get back into the town Iâm living in and sheâs on top of me, even more obsessively than before. I did finally meet up with her and she tried to entice me with nudes and porn. I was already shut down all I could do was look at the floor in one of the videos she was trying to get me to watch and think of how nice the tile looked. Somehow during that encounter, I let it slip that I went to see a band she liked and she bitched at me until we parted that I didnât take her with me. I was like âYou know I was on my way back from MY MOMâS Funeral??â and she told me that wasnât an excuse and that as her boyfriend I should have taken her.
I wish I could say I shut that down right then and there, but I didnât because I just kinda fell into a depression. Finally had to go to the cops because she was threatening me and my cats if I didnât see her. All was quiet until this spring when she messaged me out of the blue. Immediately blocked her on everything at that point.
I have since moved on and I hope sheâs as happy as she can be wherever the crap she is and as long as sheâs away from me, my current relationship and my cats.