Like, you are there for them longer term and while they do nice things they seem, to always do it bare minimum but for strangers they go extra hard.
How do you deal with someone who does the bare minimum for you but then goes extra for others?
r/AskWomen
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Accepted that this is who he is, but didn’t continue to accept that treatment. I set him free.
Oh hey, you just described my mom!
She even got my ex’s girlfriend a blanket scarf for Christmas.
It always hurts. Every time. BUT I feel like I learn something in every instance.
I’m a people pleaser. I like to see people happy. Not everyone is like that. I tell others I love them quickly because I believe love is something that should be openly shared with those around you. Not everyone operates as if everyone else is a priority. Maybe they went extra hard for a stranger for selfish reasons. Maybe not. Honestly, and this was the hardest lesson to learn, but sometimes the people that we care about most turn out to not like us at all.
I think back to men I’ve dated who would clean off their girl friend’s car when it snowed but just ask why I was so late after I cleaned off my own. I’ve met people who have bought me birthday gifts that then went on to tell me that they never really cared about me.
The way you deal with it is simple: cry, accept that they will not be able to return your effort, and move on. Life is way too short to entertain people who don’t do the same. Theres no shortcut or monologue you can give them that’ll change their mind, so just let yourself feel the hurt and move along. Meet people who actually will match your freak. You deserve nothing less.
I stop showing up for him
Communicate how it makes me feel and what my expectations are.
I’m incredibly independent and a lot of times I DON’T want people to do certain things for me. I communicate my needs and wants and then see if they are being met. Idc about what someone does for others, just what they do for me.
U just described my ex-friend.
I’d say to communicate it with them first and assess their reaction. This was my ex-bestfriend, and yeah, an ex now. She didn’t really like me while we were hanging out.
This really depends on who the other party is, your question was broad so I’ll try to be broad with my answer.
I had a best friend for over 10years, we used to be really really close. I had some crazy bad shit going on in my life the last two years. We would talk at length about her issues and even when I didn’t entirely agree with her I supported her. I loaned her money when she had nowhere to turn to, I drove three hours to see her every few months. When we talked about my problems she was mostly silent and said things like idk what to tell you. When we talked about her relationship I listened, sympathized, tried to help her out. She could go on for hours about how she’s sympathetic to xyz group or strangers in general but when it came to applying to her best friend she couldn’t do it. It was almost like she was uncomfortable if I was anything but happy.
We don’t talk any more and there is obviously a lot more to that story. Regardless if it’s friends or a romantic relationship people do this on purpose when there’s jealousy and resentment involved. I will say, some people are oblivious to the fact that they’re doing it. But both parties can tell there’s something off. Relationships are all about communication. If I wanted to maintain that relationship I’d talk to them about what’s bothering me and what I’m noticing. If not, it’s time to part ways. It’s unlikely to be resolved if someone doesn’t bring it up.
If this is a romantic scenario I personally would be especially bothered by my bf going out of his way for women. There’s being a gentleman and then there’s emotional cheating. I’d be extra careful about navigating that conversation.
Talk to them. It might be an upbringing thing and my not realise.
There are a lot of words that can be put here, but all of them end in “this is not worth your time”
Doing nicer things for strangers than for loved ones is huge red flag. This character trait is not something you can fix by having a chat with them. They know what they’re doing. RUN
they don’t deserve front-row treatment if they’re giving you backseat effort.