I had some intense issues with my MIL and in laws in general. Now that I’m several months postpartum and the fog is starting to clear a bit (I was in such a vulnerable and difficult place for SO SO long) I’m looking back at what a fucking shitshow it was when my MIL visited at almost 3 weeks postpartum and they stayed for a week and then almost 4 months old and they stayed for another week.
I keep having flashbacks / resentment regarding everything that happened and it makes me angry all over again. The way she behaved is unfathomable holding my baby like at his baptism while my husband and I were cutting up the cake and serving it to people. When I have memories like this I get filled with absolute rage. It makes me so mad at my stupid husband for being an oblivious idiot and I just don’t know if I want to be with him. This is one example of him failing to protect me and me being thrown to the wolves. I definitely don’t see me having any more kids with him because we don’t have support from our parents and I would never have my MIL around again.
I suppose I’m just venting but also just keep feeling shellshocked and jolted by how my MIL behaved and how difficult and uncomfortable my vulnerable stages of postpartum were when they should have been helping rather than causing such additional stress. Just pissed.
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Postpartum rage is real, and it’s valid. Your MIL’s behavior was overbearing and stressful when you needed care and support. Your husband’s obliviousness didn’t help. It’s natural to question your relationship and future plans when you feel unsupported. Take time to process your emotions and discuss them with your husband or not. Maybe prioritize your own healing for now.
Have you explained to your husband, in detail, how badly he failed you and how his failures are affecting you? Is he apologetic at all?
Would counseling help?
It’s always a spouse problem as they should be supporting their partner and not regressing to letting mommy reign.
Definitely try venting to your husband about how frustrating the experience was with the MIL. Ask him if he thought it was too much as well. Sometimes being the child of a person who is like that, they have been trained to put up with it or ignore it or accept the behavior and they don’t even realize it. Speaking up is the way to go, and do it as often as you need. I’ve found that keeping my emotions even keeled while presenting the facts gets the point across way more when speaking to husband about his mother. If you go on the attack/defense right off the bat, it can make you seem like the irrational one. And as much as I know you’d like to just say “that Bitch!” It’s not the best approach when trying to get through to your partner about their mother’s inappropriate behavior. Wishing you all the best in peace and resolve. It’s tough.
I think you need to see a therapist to discuss the stuff that’s going on and the rage you feel when you think about your mother-in-law. If you find a good therapist, it will help.