Cw: claims of abuse emotional and mental
Hi everyone, I’m(26f) looking for advice on how to talk to my husband(26m) about something serious involving my mom.
We’ve cut off contact with a toxic person to protect our family. Recently, my mom went behind our backs and spoke to that person, accusing us of emotionally and mentally harming our kids — all because she wasn’t able to FaceTime them a week before their visit.
My husband already knows she went behind our backs, but my mom doesn’t know we know.
He thinks I shouldn’t be FaceTiming her unless he’s there as a compromise, and he doesn’t believe we should cut them off completely. I think this is because he’s afraid we won’t have any “support” if we do.
To be clear, my mom and her side of the family have never financially supported us. There are no actual claims or investigations from CPS stating we’re harming our kids in any way. She does like to shower the kids with gifts and occasionally drop off groceries unasked, but that doesn’t mean she financially helps us(legality aspect)
This isn’t just about hurt feelings. If her claims escalate, it could have legal and financial consequences for us. Plus, going behind our backs breaks trust and respect. It makes me feel that we need to go low contact with her for the foreseeable future to protect ourselves and the kids.
My husband struggles to fully grasp the seriousness because he learns best by experiencing things directly.
Any advice or examples I can give him to help him understand why this is serious and why we need these boundaries would be really appreciated!
Td;lr My mom went behind our backs to accuse us of harming our kids, which could have legal consequences. My husband knows but struggles to see why this is serious and why we need low contact. He only agrees to supervised FaceTime. Looking for advice or examples to help him understand the need for firm boundarie
Edit: Some have asked why my husband has a say in this. In our marriage, we make big decisions together — especially ones involving family and our kids. He’s emotionally driven and very family-oriented, and he’s known my parents for a long time, so there’s an attachment there. In the past, when I’ve tried to make these kinds of decisions on my own, it’s really upset him and led to more conflict. I’m not trying to ignore the seriousness of what my mom did — I’m trying to help him understand it while still respecting the way we’ve always made decisions as a team