I get that kids are curious but every time I come home from my overnight shifts I can tell he lets her in my room. It shouldn’t be a big deal but I’m particularl about how my stuff is organized and last time he let her sleep in my room and she peed in my bed. I have my own children as well and I make it a point to ensure they know that rooms are private. Idk I feel like an evil stepmom even though I love her and I definitely show her that, but I also value my privacy. Important info:
We have separate bedrooms and his daughter is 5. I have two boys of my own, 5 & 9. This is my house we live in and we have been living together for about a year now. All of the kids have their own rooms as well so it’s not like they don’t have a space for themselves.
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I get that kids are curious but every time I come home from my overnight shifts I can tell he lets her in my room. It shouldn’t be a big deal but I’m particularl about how my stuff is organized and last time he let her sleep in my room and she peed in my bed. I have my own children as well and I make it a point to ensure they know that rooms are private. Idk I feel like an evil stepmom even though I love her and I definitely show her that, but I also value my privacy
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my Boyfriend to stop allowing his daughter into my room when I’m not there. Am I the asshole for asking that of him? I’m debating on weather or not it was the right decision or should I even care about it.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Just to be sure, “your room” would be your boyfriend’s room as well?
So he wouldn’t be allowed to let his own child into his own room?
While I totally agree with him needing to teach the child to respect your things and not touch them, I don’t see how he shouldn’t be allowed to have his own child in his own room.
INFO: there’s a lot of relevant missing here. Do you live together? Does his daughter live with you? For how long? How old is she? Is he the primary caregiver to his daughter? Do you have separate bedrooms, and why? Do your kids live with you too? What’s your boyfriend’s explanation of why he lets her in there?
All of this gives context to what would be appropriate expectations for this child. Big difference between a two year old who visits dad one a month and explores the guest bedroom, versus a ten year old entering her de facto stepmom’s permanent bedroom.
NTA. I imagine there’s a living room to play in. Boundaries, especially privacy boundaries, are normal. She doesn’t need to be in your room. Even if your BF doesn’t see why, he can respect your boundaries and keep her out. Most kids adapt easily to rules like that. I wasn’t allowed in certain rooms as a child either, like my parents’ bedroom or my grandpa’s office, and it was never an issue.
NTA. His daughter needs to learn that there are things that aren’t available to her, especially if she is not fully toilet-trained or worse, urinates in your bed as an act of hostility .
If it is your room, unshared, put a lock on the door, preferably a deadbolt, to which only you have the key. You have passed the point where polite requests not to let his daughter into your room have failed. Your boyfriend is showing a profound lack of respect for you by not parenting his daughter and enforcing your request that she not enter your room. It’s easier for him to give in and let her wreck your stuff, which is a harbinger of a worsening relationship.
Who owns the house, or are you renting it jointly?
Its weird you are living with your boyfriend’s family when yr not married
You are not his childrens step mom and youre treating them like strangers in their homes
This entire thing is weird and u should move out lol
Info: does she have her own space? does she sleep on the couch?
Do your kids have their own private rooms? And do you and your boyfriend have private rooms? does that mean the family room is her own private space whenever she is over?
My aunt used to live by the beach and worked night shifts on the weekends at a hospital. She let me come over so I can hang out with her cat and have time to myself and I could cook in a kitchen all to myself. I didn’t even ask. She offered.
I mean… if you choose to have kids… then you are choosing to have kids. You don’t have to date someone that has a kid. You can date someone that doesn’t know how to raise kids and doesn’t have any instead. And one that doesn’t want them touching any of their stuff either.
If you don’t want to date someone with a kid then don’t date someone with a kid.
Edit: you can just get a lock for your room. It’s easy to change door knobs. It’s easy.
And yeah it’s inconvenient when kids pee the bed. But it happens. Especially if they are stressed out or are afraid to walk around and don’t feel comfortable. When I was volunteering in kindergarten classes kids peed themselves because they were afraid to disrupt the class etc or were too she to ask permission. One kid pooped his pants because it was his first day and he didn’t know where the bathroom was. They even have spare clothes at school because it happens so often.
NTA Children should be taught manners. But they also have zero impulse control so perhaps a lock on the door when she is there.
Nta
Your bf needs to teach himself and his kid boundaries
INFO:
There just isn’t enough info here to make a meaningful judgement.
BUT if she is young enough that she wet the bed, she’s still young enough that you should expect her to sleep in the bed with her parent at least sometimes, especially if she doesn’t live with you full time, or if she can’t do so when you are around. If you don’t like that, you need to work out alternate sleeping arrangements, such as separate bedrooms for you and your bf while she’s visiting. Remember your bf’s top priority should be his kids, and if you can’t work with that you should date someone with no kids.
Nah that feels fair. Growing up I had to ask permission or knock and wait, if I wanted to go in my parents room for any reason. We all need our own space and expecting privacy is not unreasonable. My own stepchildren abided by the same rule, it was never even questioned. That being said we let them sleep with us if they wanted, the youngest was prone to nightmares. Regardless, permission had to be attained to be in our bedroom… When they got older I also issued them the same respect.
> I can tell he lets her in my room.
Just your room? Or your and his shared room?
This is important information OP. Because if the two of you are sharing a bedroom, then he gets some say in who is allowed in his bedroom. Especially if she is young enough to need some supervision during the day (seems likely if she’s still wetting the bed) since he might have things that he needs to do in his bedroom and still needs to keep an eye on her.
NTA.
This disrespect of your privacy is a red flag on your bf’s part. Check if he disrespects you or makes light of your needs in other areas as well.
Install a lock on your door. NTA.