Really just here to rant but open to advice too.
My future mother in law and I get along pretty well. But the closer my fiancé and I get to marriage the more she is complaining to my fiancé about things.
We moved to a different state in October 2024 and she has been to visit a few times. But this last time did not go well. She seemed miserable the entire time she was here, we had construction happening and a dog I was boarding was here but these are all things she agreed were okay before visiting.
The day before she left I was out at physical therapy and when I returned ready for us all to go to dinner she had already left for dinner on her own. My fiancé and her had been arguing about the construction and she was mad he wasn’t managing the people well (he’s a facility manager he literally does this for a living).
After she left they didn’t talk much for awhile (they normally talk multiple times a day) and then on Friday she blew up at him over the phone saying he’s not keeping his home in the same shape it used to be, complaining about the dog I was boarding on the couch, saying he’s disorganized and the house was a mess. I paid for cleaners to come the day before she came and I cleaned up right before she arrived. My mom had a seriously bad injury and just came home from assisted nursing facility about a week before my future MILs arrival.
She’s taking all this out on my fiancé and he’s telling me it isn’t about me but I know she expects that women take care of the home. And it’s our home so it is about me. Everytime they talk she says something about him no longer being organized. My fiancé is very upset by all of this, he has such a tender heart and he works so hard.
This isn’t the first time she has created a wedge like this. It seems like such a miserable way to live. I know she has an unhealthy attachement with my fiancé. When things are good between them they are so close but just never know when that will change.
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If your home is so unacceptable to her, perhaps she no longer gets to visit your home. This is a her problem. Not a you or SO problem. She just wants to be miserable and make up things to complain about. So let her. But she can do it far away from you.
She can be miserable in a hotel and while out at a restaurant if she absolutely must visit you again. Or she can stay at her house and SO can visit her there. But no more in your home. Meet her at her house, out in public, or not at all.
Honestly, just let your fiancé handle her. I wouldn’t be hosting her again anytime soon.
“complaining about the dog I was boarding on the couch, saying he’s disorganized and the house was a mess. I paid for cleaners to come the day before she came and I cleaned up right before she arrived.”
Is this woman for real? She sounds like a miserable beeAach! She can stay in an Airbnb from now on!
I hope your fiancé doesn’t beat himself up over her insane complaints and can try to drop the rope with her.