A snake is a snake is a snake …

Hi all I’m back again for an update from this post – https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/bsbYgAlJgt

After a fantastic wedding where I was a bridesmaid for the first time (yay!) and meeting another dear friend who had a baby, I finally reached my hometown.

I chose a late night flight and my parents picked me up. Woke up next morning very happy to be in my home after 2 years, with mum dad doting on me (doesn’t matter if I’m 34 – I love their love for me).

An hour after waking up I called the 🐍 (also known as my MIL) and very charmingly asked to meet for tea in the evening.

She spoke very nicely and mentioned that I hadn’t called even though I had been in the country for a week. I told her my phone wasn’t working on international roaming, I had caught very bad chest congestion (heat & pollution) and I was very busy with my friend’s wedding. This happened over the phone and we decided to meet in the evening with my parents.

We reach their house exactly at 5.30 pm as decided, I ring the bell outside the driveway and walk in (because isn’t my in laws house my house too?).
Me and my parents reach the front door which is locked, and we stand there waiting for about 10 minutes in 30 C weather.

Ten minutes later the maid appears, opens the door, and my In laws step out of the formal living room which is RIGHT NEXT TO THE MAIN DOOR.
They made us wait outside and refused to open the door, because they’re too up there to open a door for their DIL and her family.

Anyway, one awkward hug later we sit, and she starts off with an ugly look about how all their plans were ruined because I didn’t call when I wasn’t even in the same city.

To be fair, she did message me and I told her over text that I wasn’t well and would be reaching our hometown on 4th. So they did know about my date of arrival, I called as soon as I reached and also made a point to go meet them the same day.

The atmosphere was awkward, they kept bringing up me not calling and I kept repeating what I had said over the phone.

To change topic I showed her pictures from the wedding I had attended and showed her the dress I wore, which they had gifted me during my wedding to their son. She looked at it, said nothing about how nice I looked (we’re talking hair done, makeup on, jewellery sparkling and a very happy me) and instead said “oh my daughter said she doesn’t have this colour in her wedding trousseau.”

So we’re back to me being compared to SIL. Okay.

At this point I know it’s a losing battle, and all the crap promises they made over the phone with their son to rebuild a relationship with me were a big fat lie.

She then makes personal attacks on how “people sell their parents houses and go on foreign trips” and “we’ll leave everything, this big house, all for our kids and then it’s up to them” and “it’s only because of parents that people can take foreign trips and lead a good life.” Out of context, you say? My mother had mentioned the last time they met that after both her parents passed away, she and her siblings sold the ancestral home according to my grandad’s will. Obviously they all shared the money and it was a nice bit of inheritance that my parents are using however they want.

My mum visited me and my brother, and at the age of 60 admitted that she wasn’t ready to be a mom when she had me but she loved me and wanted me to know that she was wrong in the way she neglected me emotionally. My mother’s confession and apology healed me and I finally got to tell her how much I love her.

That’s how my mum spent her parent’s inheritance. On a plane ticket to her children who live abroad. (Dad couldn’t get a visa, working on that for the next few days).

Anyway back to the evening –
Anything my dad said to change the topic, she 🐍 would say “no, that’s not how it is.”

An hour later she has an “appointment” and we need to leave.

So basically all of you were right all along, they are shitty shitty people and now my parents have unfortunately suffered through this treatment and I have re learnt my lesson that people don’t change, DILs are not family, I will never be respected in this house, and when I get back home to my husband, I’m going to tell him that I don’t want a relationship with his family and he can choose to do whatever he likes with my decision.

A snake is always a snake. So many other things were said but I’m only home for a week and I have a bucket list to complete that no longer involves them. My parents have decided to invite them, MILs parents (who are old and would be very hurt if I don’t meet them) and her sister (who is always kind and considerate and currently not talking to her sister but my parents don’t know that LOL can’t wait to see them together) for a lunch and that’s the end of it. Coz that’s who they are. They will maintain peace even if it’s the last thing they do. I tried to fight it but they said that they still have to live here and don’t want animosity from their end.

Not gonna stay with my SIL as planned coz she lied to her parents about how I didn’t share my travel plans when

1. I sent a message saying I’m arriving on 4th, and she left the city on 3rd.

2. I had called and given my dates to meet her and she said she would confirm which weekend she could come.

It’s also possible that SIL didn’t lie and it’s my fault for not calling in time, but well, it’s not like anyone was happy to see me anyway.

TLDR : Snakes are snakes, and I’m at some insane level of stupid to give my in laws repeated opportunities to disrespect and hurt me, Reddit community was right.