I have larger labia and have always had a hard time with it. I’ve wanted a labiaplasty since i was a kid but as an adult (i’m in my early 20s) i’ve been trying to learn to embrace and accept my body the way it is since there’s no real reason for me to get one besides aesthetics. That being said it’s still hard for me to accept, it’s always in the back of my mind if i’m sleeping with someone. i’ve spent years trying to learn to love them but i’m just not quite there yet. I know they’re normal and it’s not like they cause any sort of physical inconvenience but it’s always just been one of my greatest insecurities.
I’ve been seeing a new guy and we recently slept together for the first time. Yesterday i was looking through some selfies we had taken together with him next to me and i commented on how i love how we have complete opposite features. in response he joked about how i have big lips and he has no lips then he told me he loved both my sets of huge lips. i knew he was framing it in a positive way but it just brought me back to being 12 years old and crying while looking at myself in the mirror wishing i could cut them off with scissors. the best way i can describe it is having a lifelong insecurity you’re frequently worrying that no one else notices and getting the confirmation that someone else noticed. i brought it up to him that i don’t want him to comment on things like that and he was very receptive and sweet about it, i have no complaints about how he handled my distaste with the comment. the problem is just now i feel so much more insecure about being intimate knowing he noticed this thing i’ve always felt not great about. he tells me he loves it but it just sucks knowing it’s not just something i notice.
i guess im just looking for any advice from women who have learned to love and embrace their larger labias. i don’t want to resort to a surgery i don’t actually need just to make myself feel better. i want to be able to love my body as it is without needing to change it. i just don’t know how to get there when ive had this insecurity for so long and knowing the man im intimate with also sees it regardless if he sees it in a more positive way than i do. I’ve only had one negative response to my labia (an ex suggesting labiaplasty) and i know he was wrong for that and that i don’t need one. but it’s just so hard having that in the back of my mind. this is the third time ive had a partner comment on it (2 positive responses, 1 negative) but any mention of it is hard for me doesnt matter if it’s a compliment or an insult. i just want to be able to not only accept this part of me but cherish it because i know deep down there’s absolutely nothing wrong with how i look. any tips on getting to the point of loving and accepting how my vagina looks? i don’t want to give into pursuing a surgery when i know im better off just learning how to grow from the insecurity.
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This sounds like you might need to talk to someone professionally about your dysmorphia since it’s negatively impacting your life. If you can’t even handle well meaning praise and compliments about your body (from appropriate sources and in appropriate context), that’s a red flag.
Just remember that you might not be your own type, that doesn’t mean you aren’t his / somebody else’s gold standard. Honestly he probably finds it super hot. Guys get turned on by vulvas and once a guy likes you, often your unique features add to his attraction towards you.
Have you tried seeking out online areas where anatomies like yours are celebrated?
I always find these topics very interesting because your labia is not something you designed or were responsible for selecting from a cute little labia line up. You were born with it and it developed to look like whatever it looks like now. Which for the majority of people is entirely normal. As a midwife I see a rather large number of labia, and they are all a bit different but primarily the same sort of thing and all just fine. They are perfect at doing the job they were designed to do (with I’m sure a small few exceptions). I’m not saying your anxiety is misplaced or that you’re being self conscious for no reason. But I guarantee if we took everyone out on the streets and stood them naked in front of their houses, and went round evaluating everyone’s genitals you would see that everyone’s is a different size and shape and colour.
And that normal comes in all shapes and sizes and colours. So instead of looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking you are the issue, have you considered your partner has just dated women in the past with smaller labia than yours happen to be? Much like partners date people with smaller or bigger breasts than the previous girl. And that your labia are only in fact ‘ginormous’ based on the very few labia you have seen and compared yours to? And the small range of labia your partner has seen.
I can guarantee there are millions of women out there who have labia they think are too big or too small or lopsided when they are all referring to something that is a very normal part of the human body and spends 99% of its life inside pants.
Ones labia is not a reflection of their self worth, or who they are as a person, or anything that they really have control over. So why let it hold such power? We need a Tate gallery sized exhibition of thousands of normal genitals and then people would worry a lot less about what theirs looks like because they would actually see that everyone’s looks a bit funny and not at all like what the internet makes out.
A lot of people like those features!
Please don’t think you need surgery! We are all different downstairs, and I think it is one of the real sad things about widespread porn use that guys, or rather the fear that guys, expect us to have Barbie-like pussies when the reality is quite different. I also have a very pronounced labia, and both my labia and my butthole are a very dark brown (I’m a pale brown South Asian). I was incredibly self-conscious about the colour, until I finally realised most men don’t care one bit. And as for my labia, I think it makes it look more like a pretty dark flower. And who doesn’t like flowers???
Have you ever looked at the labia library? It might help to see the big variety of types out there in the real world. Most people don’t look like the actresses in porn.
Love you wizard sleeve! She is a portal to the next generation. Everybody’s body is different. Check out this wall of labia to help yourself feel at home.
https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com
Hang on to them.
It can take a while for women to “catch up” to men in the horn dog part of sexuality. But your uniqueness will be celebrated …and you’ll live being doted on.
One day, you’ll have some kind of hormone rush and you’ll be SOOOO glad you have them.
For some reason, I’ve never put it together than inner labia are a sign of sexual maturity. That’s why little girls don’t have them until they hit puberty.
Once that realization dawned on me, I became super grossed out by the concept of labiaplasty. Porn that features women with small or almost no labia and completely hairless also makes me uncomfortable. I am happy to be a sexually mature adult woman and have the anatomy that goes with it.
Big labia, long labia, pink, brown, black, pale, it’s all great and yours is unique to you. I hope you are able to feel good about your body and realize that the stuff you see in porn is a tiny sliver of representation of what women actually look like.
Start with a commitment to never do a labiaplasty. The wrong turns are potentially catastrophic. Research them.
Understand that the idea that labia “should” look tiny is a very recent thing – in most of history it didn’t exist. Understand that we are in a very weird time in history around how things are or “should” be – all around.
I gotta go do a thing and might be back to say more, but I just had to say the above when I saw your heartbreaking post. Glad your guy gets that it is a huge privilege to be allowed see you naked. He is correct. Meditate on that for now.
I have larger inner labia and they’re also asymmetrical. When I was younger I was so embarrassed of them that I only allowed my first boyfriend to go down on me with the lights off or under the covers!
I’ve had quite a lot of sexual partners since then and I can tell you that not only do most people really not care what you look like down there, quite a lot of them actively like having a bit “more” to work with. I still don’t particularly like what I look like down there, as in I don’t think it’s beautiful. I don’t “love” it. I’m just completely neutral about it, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter any more than what my pinky finger looks like. My sex life is honestly great and in no way hampered by it.
I don’t think you have to “learn to love” every part of your body. You just have to learn to not hate it and appreciate what you do have. It’s your body. And anyone else who doesn’t like what you’ve got doesn’t deserve to touch it!
It will take time, but practice not dwelling on it or any negative feelings about it. Don’t keep examining what you look like and indulging critical thoughts. Be normal about it and ask that others are normal about it if it comes up. Because it is normal! It’s literally how you naturally are.
And for what it’s worth? There’s nothing shameful about getting surgery either if it truly helps you feel better about yourself and you can afford it later in life. I paid to have my teeth fixed with braces in my late 20’s and I’m grateful to myself for having done that because it made me feel so much better about my face and smile. It’s worth waiting until you’re more settled in your body and your appearance so you can be sure you’re not doing it on impulse or to fix an insecurity that time and age may well fix for you. But if it continues to cause you distress, then there’s nothing wrong with doing something about it.
Just know, he thought he was complementing you because he think’s you are very attractive and that that’s a positive feature.
It sucks that you are insecure/unhappy with your body, and your feelings are valid… but keep reminding yourself that people who like female genitalia think yours are good!
I’ve always wished mine were longer because I imagine the sensation is stronger since there’s more surface area
I can’t link it now because I’m at work at an elementary school— but search the museum of labia. There are imprints an artist did of hundreds of the different labias of women. You’ll see how they are all different and all totally normal
You’re fine.
Full transparency, it bothered me for a very long time until I dated someone who actually preferred big/long ones. He thought it was awesome, and while he wasn’t a long term boyfriend, it was a huge confidence boost for me that pretty much stuck with me after that.
Getting compliments on them helps a lot – as does understanding all the types out there.
A couple months ago, I stumbled on a similar post on an askmen type sub and there were men who had complexes about being uncircumcised. They talked about how women preferred circumcised men and partners had made comments.
It goes to show how people have this idea of a “norm” even when it’s totally arbitrary and plenty of people out there have neutral or positive feelings about “outtie” labia and foreskins. Like if I could snap my fingers, I’d choose to have labia that sticks out because I prefer how it looks.
Your boyfriend probably made that comment with either a neutral or preferential feeling towards your labia and somehow you’re spiraling that your labia are hideous. Dont get me wrong, I’m sure there are people out there who say negative things about labia but there are people who say negative things about basically any feature.
My friend had that surgery and has a lot of regret being of pain in sex. I think funky labia is the norm 🤷🏼♀️. It’s just that we’re never taught these things as kids and then all the sudden we got this new situation. Definitely look at artwork that depicts regular parts. It helps.
If it helps at all, my boy friend was absolutely astounded that women feel secure about having large labia. He was basically like, “I love labia, why would more of them ever be a bad thing?”
I hope you come around to loving yourself too 🙂
Oh honey, please be kind to yourself.
Of course he noticed. You were intimate. He loves that part of you.
What words does little you need to hear? Can you speak to her about this pain? Can you remind her that your body deserves to be cherished no matter what it looks like?
I hope your days keep getting easier. I hope you trust his words. 🫂🩷
Im this way about my ass. Its big. I’m uncomfortable with it because in my mind I still kinda see myself as I was when I was in my early 20s and just…a lot smaller because I was essentially a freaking kid.
Rationally. I know my body is fine, it’s just different now and that’s ok. But it’s jarring when I think of myself as one way, and see photos of myself another.
My husband complements me all the time and I know he loves me and how I look…but I’m like you- a bit insecure and not totally comfortable with the reality of my body.
Him saying he loves how curvy I am, immediately lights up a neon sign in my brain that says “SEE, SEE! YOU ARE FAT! YOU ARE BIGGER THAN YOU WERE! HE SEES IT!”. it completely ignores the part where he’s saying he LOVES it.
What I’ve been trying to remind myself is this:
-Big, or promanant doesn’t equate to bad or disgusting. Yes. My butt is big. But that’s not a bad thing. It is what it is and that’s absolutely fine.
It doesn’t fix my brain. I still wrestle with how I perceive parts of my body I’m uncomfortable with. But forcing myself to remember those two things has helped a lot.
My husband is also very sweet about it. He knows I’m not comfortable always about my body and he’s changed the way he’s complemented me. Instead of saying he loves how curvy I am or something. He will just say I look beautiful. That attention to language helps a lot too.
This is so bizarre to me. I’ve never once given any amount of thought to the size of my labia. Is this really something other women freak out about?
He’s porn sick.
Please don’t get labiaplasty! There’s no reason to take on the risk and expense of surgery for your completely normal body that isn’t causing you any problems. You already know you can get past this.
I also have larger labia. I never thought to be insecure about it until one man. He was an older guy, probably in his 50s (he looked older, but he was an old school style smoker so probably younger than he looked), a regular at the restaurant where I was a waitress. I was like 23. He adored me. He was like, respectfully obsessed with me. And he liked to talk to me about his dating life, which I always found very entertaining. One day he told me all about this lady he was dating, who he finally slept with (I was comfortable with “inappropriate” convo topics, we had bonded over making dirty jokes and laughing at such things), but lost interest because of her “roast beef.” I laughed it off, but it was my first exposure to a man having thoughts like that. I had no idea it was a thing. I had a moment of insecurity but then I thought about how this guy would have cut off a limb for a chance to get with me. Little did he know, I had my secret sandwich meat. Should he have been so lucky, there’s no chance he would have even thought twice about my labia. It made me laugh inside every time I talked to him after that. If there’s ever a man who has that kind of opinion, all I can think about is how hilariously stupid he is.
Labia are common as in 100% of us have them, media and clothing hasn’t allowed us to have them
You’re normal
You don’t need surgery!! It’s not quite the same, but I have significantly lopsided boobs. My left has always been bigger and fuller, with the areola to match. I have always been incredibly self conscious because of it to the point where I felt the need to warn anyone I was about to sleep with before I took my top off. Every single person who has ever seen me naked has said they never would have thought anything of it- up until I mentioned it. The only person who has ever mentioned to me without me pointing out was another woman, while I was fully clothed and in a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with my boobs. I truly think we are our own worst critics, which only makes sense because we spend more time with ourselves and our bodies than anyone else ever could. I would genuinely just try to take it at face value, choose to believe that he is extremely attracted to your body just the way that it is, maybe knowing that someone close to you loves it and finds it hot and a turn on can help you see yourself in a new light.
With all insecurities, you haven’t really worked through it if your entire self esteem goes down like a house of cards from a comment like that
If my bf said that I’d laugh and agree
If someone said my tiny perky boobs we’re cute I’d laugh and agree
You don’t need surgery it’s cute
Classification of the anatomical variation in female external genitalia
Hi, OP, adult store worker here!
I had an interaction in my store once where a woman was there and she was asking me if we had any non-see through underwear because she didn’t like how it looked because she had a large labia and very pronounced clitoris. She was talking a bit about a pair I had given here that she wasn’t sure and there was a man there who was looking at lubes and stuff, the man overheard her being very self-conscious and he said
“Listen, normally, I would never dare talk to a woman I don’t know like this but Men don’t care, and if they do care, then they can go sleep with a woman that has a perfect downstairs but none do so they’re gonna be looking a long time.”
Also, have you ever seen a penis? Men have no room to talk with their slightly tilted flesh tubes. I got an earthworm plushie from squishables and my mom ruined it bc she said it looked like a white mans penis (she didn’t really ruin it it made it funnier)
Not a woman, but been fortunate enough to be with women who had…pardon my crass – suckable Labia – and let me just tell you, men are just happy and lucky to be enjoying their time with you. It’s sexy, for some it’s even new, we’re just happy to be included!
The labia grows more and becomes engorged when a woman is aroused. So having a larger labia, especially during sexual activity is as normal as a man getting an erection. Surgery always runs the risk of complications including deceased sensation or scar tissue. We all have our insecurities, but try to practice radical acceptance of yourself and the fun and amazing times that the labia help facilitate.
i have bigger labia and it never occured to me untli i was in my 20ies that they might be „gross“.
its a part of me i had no control over and does not cause any problem, it does fuction very well so when i learned that people are insecure about it, i decided not to be because i judged it a waste of time😂🫣
Mine have been compared to petals of a flower. It was the sweetest compliment. A man that truly loves you will love your body too, and that becomes his ideal. Love yourself and the beautiful package you come in aas well!
> this is the third time ive had a partner comment on it (2 positive responses, 1 negative) but any mention of it is hard for me doesnt matter if it’s a compliment or an insult.
OP, I am so, so sorry people think it’s okay to make such an intimate type of personal comment. Anyone that would risk triggering your insecurities like that should know better. As I commented below already, if a man was on the smaller side, any person with a shred of empathy would know not to immediately say “it’s so tiny! But it’s okay, lucky for you because I love tiny dicks.” No. We wouldn’t dare.
The fact that women here are telling you it’s all good because he likes them “huge” (honestly he sucks for saying it like that) is really saying that as long as he is happy you are all good. SCREW THAT. That is so objectifying and invalidating of your feelings!!! You don’t have “dysmorphia” or need therapy because you would prefer to have been born slightly differently.
As someone subjected to every type of personal comment imaginable it can make you feel even more disconnected from your own body and like public property. To be assessed that way by someone you have been intimate with is just ridiculous. If he is going to risk a personal comment that would spiral you, what other things is he willing to risk? Honestly.
Just be careful OP. Some verbal abusers start out making backhanded or questionable bodyshame-y comments and go from there. It’s what my ex (and many men I’ve seen casually) liked to do. It’s like a loophole to get some cruelty in that can’t be directly judged.
The men who say things like that are insecure, they are cowards, and they are the most pathetic creatures you will come across. Because they enjoy causing hurt when they know they can’t be caught or experience repercussions except your anger. You might think “oh it’s me, I’m not attractive enough.” No, you’re just you and you’re fine. There is great diversity in people and how they look, and we should try to see the beauty in what is unique. For what is not always seen as “perfect” or “ideal.” Those are made up standards in themselves and honestly, the older I get the more boring they seem. People all looking the same is such a yawn fest.
Remember: if a man (or anybody) has anything nasty to say to you – he is the one with the problem.
I have very large outer labia. ive only ever had compliments on my “fat p****”
don’t mutilate yourself. your vulva is perfect as it is.
When I came into puberty my inner labia grew a lot. They caused a lot of pain because of friction. I really suffered for some time, I even consulted my gyno about it who told me that’s normal. That happened in the 90’s . At some point my inner labia weren’t as sensitive anymore and I forgot about it. I even learned that during sex they’re a huge fortune! They’re getting more sensitive during sex and bring me so much joy.
As I grew older I gained substantial weight for some time because of medication and my outer labia got bigger, too. Wow! What a difference. At that point I had watched porn and knew what a “desirable pussy” should look like (from a disturbed male perspective) Pink and without bigger inner labia. The perfect pussy had to look like a children’s private parts. Fuck that!
Your genitals are doing their job just right. They’re bringing you joy and satisfaction if you want to. Otherwise they’re doing exactly what they’re meant to, too.
I have larger labia and I never even knew this was supposed to be a “problem” until coming onto Reddit. Seriously, I have slept with dozens of guys and not a single one has ever mentioned it. I think this “problem” is largely made up online just to make women feel insecure.
You don’t need surgery.
You just need to recognize that you are perfectly fine just how you are.
And honestly, it’s okay if he noticed. Because you don’t need to hide it, because there’s nothing wrong with it.
The only problem is in your self image. But that’s ok, you can work on embracing it <3 you got this
I literally just saw a video about how women are having labia plumping procedures done.
Also, as an older woman whose labia have shrunk and clitoris that has basically *disappeared* (YES, this is a thing that happens in menopause – SURPRISE!), please – learn to love your lady bits! Wish I had appreciated my “big” bits who I had them.
Hi OP, I got a labiaplasty done almost 10 years ago when I was 24. I used to be very self-conscious of my long labia for years after I had someone say something about it when I was a teenager. While I don’t necessarily regret getting it done, part of me wishes I didn’t, and I can honestly say that if I never did it at the time, I probably wouldn’t have ever done it at all. I am more secure now in my 30’s than I was in my 20’s and just don’t care about a lot of stuff that I used to anymore.
It was an extremely traumatic procedure. It was super painful down there even at the slightest touch for weeks afterwards, I have permanently less sensation down there now as a result of having less tissue/nerve endings, it will never come back. And it has made no difference whatsoever in terms of sexual partners finding me attractive or not etc. My vagina looks “better” now to some people, except I don’t feel any more desirable or attractive than I did before. I promise you, NOBODY cares about my “pornstar vagina” any more than they would if I had the larger labia I used to have. In fact most men I’ve dated seemed to prefer it and were disappointed to hear about the fact that I chose to mutilate myself. And the people who truly matter will love you and all your parts no matter what they look like.
Your vagina is beautiful and normal just the way it is. But if you choose to go down the path I did, make sure you’re absolutely certain it’s what you want and consider the consequences and how it may affect you down the line because it is a permanent, body and life altering decision that cannot be undone. Food for thought!
Porn effs with these guys brains about what women look like in their privates. I do not view porn but I am a nurse who has put in thousands (yes thousands) of urethral catheters in my life. I have seen so many genitalia of both genders. Not every labia owner is pink and tiny down there.
As a Latina, I definitely am not. And as a 33yo, let me reassure you that you will likely care so much less about what men think of your privates as you get older.
Real vagina lovers do not give a good gosh darn about the length/color/body hair ect. They just love it down there. Pay no mind, my dear. If someone comments on it in a negative way, raise your brow, laugh, and move along. They dont know what they’re talking about, and their lack of experience is showing.
I understand feeling so worried about it. The fact that he received your feedback well and understands your sensitivity around it is a great start. As for negative comments, I think it could be helpful to empower your labia as a litmus test for partners. Anyone who says something negative doesn’t deserve you or your fabulous labia. There are so many people in the world who will love your body and cherish who you are. Let those lips help you find them!
so many see porn as the normal. I promise as you age you will give less of a duck what people think, I’m 36 and I’m happy being a never shave my legs lass which 20’s me would have been horrified at.
i get negatives stick when I was 18 a partner said I had sausage fingers and it’s always stuck haha
I am so happy that you have a caring and supportive partner who can be there for you. Now you need to step up for yourself the way he did. Would you criticize your best friend if her labia looked like that? What would you say to her? That’s what you should be saying to yourself.
I just want to jump in here and say that I was tremendously embarrassed by my larger labia for the greater part of my life. And I’m not saying that external validation should be what we use to view ourselves, but if it’s helpful, take the help! There are a lot of people out there who find larger labia highly attractive! As much as I hate to admit it, it made me feel a lot better about myself to realize that for some people it’s a fetish. I know that sounds terrible and I’m sorry if it’s inappropriate to say, but it’s true. I’ve had more than one occasion where the person I was making love with, stopped in the middle just to spread my legs open and look at them, and then bury their face in them before continuing on with the actual penetration again (and these were not people who previously disclosed anything about their preference with labia either). All labia are different, but it has helped me to view them as unique in an attractive way, and to embrace the way I look. I view my inner and outer labial lips as a biological expression of my raw sexual energy. Large labia are powerful and they are a gift! Sometimes when you get a gift, a lot of external forces, especially the media and the cosmetic industry, will try to convince you that it’s a curse.
In a way, his comment that lit up your insecurity is actually exactly the kind of sincere affirmative comment that might help you to see his perspective as loving and accepting of you as you hope to someday be.
What happens if you take the comment sincerely and try to see the beauty in yourself? If you go hunting for something to complain or despair about, you will find it. If you go hunting for something to love and praise, you will find it. You’ve tried the first approach, now try the second.
They’re like fingerprints! They’re all unique and beautiful in their own way. Be proud! and him noticing and complimenting them could be seen as a recognition of you in all your glory! I see labia as part of the vulva just as petals are part of a flower.
I am a woman with very large/long labia. My partner frequently calls them beef curtains, meat flaps and how I should tighten them up. I know that it’s just normal anatomy, anyone who doesn’t like it won’t have the privilege of sleeping with you.
You could lose sensation in the area around your labia surgery if you do it. Is it worth it to look different if the payoff is you feel less sexual pleasure? This doesn’t always happen but it’s a risk.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling insecure about this. It sounds like your partner really appreciates you just the way you are.
I’ve gone through this myself. I literally hid mine or would only have sex with the lights off.
People are inclined to their sexual preferences, so it may not be for everyone, but I can GUARANTEE it is for someone.
I have heard my guy friends say that vagina is beautiful no matter what. They love all shapes and sizes.
There’s a beautiful exhibit in the Brooklyn museum by Judy Chicago called Dinner Party which is a collection of plates shaped like a diverse set of vaginas, telling the stories of a a diverse set of women (real and mythical) that created history.
I have several insecurities myself – my labia, my calves, my ears, my somewhat asymmetrical face. I’ve decided that anyone who does not love me for ME as I am now does not deserve me.
It took a lot of time to get to the point of self love. But the prevailing theme in my journey has been an acknowledgement that it is a gift to be alive and to be healthy. Beauty comes from your character, your life experiences, and the very imperfections that make you you.
It’s ironic because most men are immensely self-conscious about the way they look down there. But then they make a comment like this? Really they should know better.
Hon. I beg you to please pay attention.
I have a schnozz on my face and I’ve broken it a few times, so that doesn’t help. Do you know how many big nose jokes I know?
My boobs are a “B” cup, after 2 kids, a little extra weight and gravity. Do you know how many little titty jokes I know?
I proudly own the world’s ugliest feet. They’ve always been awful. People have trouble coming up with ugly feet jokes, so they just stick with “Dear God, they’re ugly”.
Y’know what happens when you have sex with someone? All of this is all out there. Even the shoes come off. The bra with a bit of padded shape. I’m screwed on the nose issue – no hiding that.
And when I let insecurity hold me back, thinking about any of it … the sex was lousy. How could I possibly get into the moment of I was wondering whether or not he was noticing or thinking about … there’s just no fun in worrying.
And when I relaxed, said “It doesn’t matter” and just let rip? Well. Ahem. I don’t mean to brag, but …
I haven’t had cosmetic surgery because I was actually too damned stubborn to do it. I am who I am, I can’t help these things without surgery, and you can take me or leave me JUST THE WAY I AM. That attitude actually got me through some moments, when I was much younger.
Now? Couldn’t care less. My +40 years husband was grabbing my ass this morning. My grown and flown kids hug me and say “Love you” and it’s not conditional upon rhinoplasty. My life-long friends actually LOVE that I am too stubborn to be anything but me, and they are precious people in my life.
Hon. It’s just how you are packaged. And I promise you that anyone, worth your time, won’t care. The people who MEAN something, in your life, won’t care. Even if they actually notice 😉
I’m a crusty old broad who got old, and the flaws just join my scar collection as more superficial stuff that means nothing.
Everything really GOOD in my life … that gives me true joy .. that makes my life so frickin awesome, my gratitude is endless … It has nothing to do with the physical me.
I beg you to let this go, and let yourself be free.
DO NOT GET THE SURGERY. EVER.
Embrace yourself and be kind to yourself.
And if the new man in your life doesn’t like your vajayjay just the way it is, tell him to go find a new one.
Every partner I had before my current one made me feel very insecure. The current one jokes that my dick is bigger than his. He will spend literal hours going down on me for “search and discovery” and adores that he doesn’t have to look for my clit. He’s so into how big my clit is, and how long my labia is, because he can give me so many orgasms. After 4 years of hearing it, and seeing many more vulvas in person, I’ve accepted that only insecure, immature guys have an issue with it.
You are beautiful and I’m sorry you’ve been insecure about this for so long. My insecurity lasted for 20+ years, and I also considered cosmetic surgery. So happy I didn’t because I really appreciate my natural body now.
I have visible inner labia too, and I love mine. The best advice I have is, first, to stop ignoring and avoiding those positive comments. Reconsider discussing it with your boyfriend. Those positive comments need to be able to be heard so you stop associating anyone seeing your labia as longer being ‘bad’. It is not and having it be an unspoken thing that’s avoided in a secretive way is unlikely to help.
I felt better about mine when I re-associated them with pleasure. My husband doesn’t ignore them when going down on me, and having all these experiences where I feel physical pleasure from the actual nerves in my labia has really helped. I wouldn’t undergo the surgery if you offered me millions.
This sounds a bit goofy but I would recommend starting to talk out loud to them! Thank them for doing their job of protecting your insides! Tell them that they are beautiful. Tell them that you love them. Do this daily! Eventually you will rewire your brain!
I’m a nurse and worked full time looking at labias. Do not look at porn. Almost no one but very young girls who have never given birth looks like the “porn” labia. Big lips are natural and the norm. Longer inner lips are natural and the norm. Nothing has made me more pro body acceptance than seeing what real women look like naked. And trust me any man who gets to see you naked is too busy being grateful to judge.
I ask this sincerely and I hope that comes across okay, but where do insecurities like this come from? I honestly don’t know even as an adult how mine compares to ‘ideal’ or even ‘average’ and before recently it never even occurred to me as something to be insecure about. Where are kids as young as 12 hearing these things and learning that labiaplasty is a thing? Or is it not as straightforward as that and more like, some kids just notice changes during puberty that they feel uncomfortable with all on their own?
Hey friend, one thing I wanted to point out that I noticed. You talked about having the insecurity and then getting confirmation that someone noticed it, right? But I think just the act of him noticing brought up your own shame and dislike of yourself, not his. I totally get why! I have a big forehead and yeah when people point it out I want to hide, I used to hate hate hate it.
But our parts aren’t too big or too small, we aren’t too much or too little. If he’s a decent guy, he’ll see what’s there but he won’t think of it as big or small, he’ll think of it as you, just like your silly laugh or funny nose or whatever else.
It gets easier with age, but ask yourself the questions. Too big? For what? Says who? By what authority? If someone thinks your labia should be teeny tiny and invisible because that’s what porn looks like, is that not the most beautiful gift, telling you right away they’re not worth your time? If you don’t like it, why? Do you feel the same about your elbow skin? Your toes? Your ears? Where does that labia shame come from?
You’re perfect, you’re exactly who you’re supposed to be. Anyone close enough to your labia to be able to comment on it should count their lucky stars. Do you think it might be worth opening up to him about this insecurity? Reassurance now, maybe knowing it’s a sensitive topic will mean it’s not a joke topic, you know? You got this ❤️
Idk how to tell this story without being crude but I was with a man who actually called me ‘flappy bird’, bear in mind they aren’t even especially big, he was just a huge porn addict used to pink Barbie parts. He genuinely had the longest foreskin I’ve ever seen, like a deflated balloon, and I told him so and he was absolutely shocked. They think they can impose a ridiculous beauty standard on you and don’t even consider their own might be unusual. I have never been self conscious about anything since.
He loves your vagina. This insecurity is just your mind making you feel bad. Just appreciate that he loves it and work on your insecurities. There are plenty of men and women who love lippy vagina
Just my perspective as a pelvic floor PT:
I have literally practiced for thousands of hours of pelvic PT and seen hundreds of labia. They all look different, but the same. Just the way that all feet look slightly different… But the same.
As long as you have four labia (two outer, two inner) you’re probably fine and more worried about this than warranted. Trust me, women come in all shapes and sizes down there, and after a while they all blend together.
Listen to me. I always say “there’s a market for everybody”. Men are lustful creatures and at least one of them will love a feature women hate. I have ugly, ugly feet. There a size above average, I have obvious signs of bunions, my toes are extremely long, some are webbed and some are not, calloused on both sides of each foot, and my bones in my toes are strange. I’ve always hated my feet and been super embarrassed about them. My bf has a foot fetish and adores them. He tells me DAILY. Every day. How much he loves my feet, tells me they are perfect. I never thought I could be with a man into feet because mine are so ugly but he loves them. This man probably loves your labia. I’ve never even considered being embarrassed about what my vag looks like because they’re all so different and people love different things. Your labia is surely beautiful and enticing to him trust me!!!!!!! It could help you if you explain what other men have said(men love showing up women’s ex’s) and tell him you’re embarrassed and would rather he not comment on the size at all it would help. I’d also ask (outside of sex) if during sex he could dirty talk you by telling you how beautiful your vag is and that it’s the prettiest he’s ever seen. I’ve found that any insecurity I’ve had if I ask my boyfriend to let me know how hot something is during dirty talk it makes me feel so much more secure.
Everyone’s look different and tbf there are some ‘non-aesthetic/non-porn’ dicks too. You having unfortunate scenarios with dudes in the past definitely doesn’t help tho, especially in younger ages. High school phase is imo probably when most insecurities pop up because people are just assholes in general lol.
I wasn’t insecure about my arm hair or leg hair until a boy mentioned it how it’s weird I have arm hair for a girl and he didn’t. Now I get rid of it because I just prefer not to have it, but a part of me always wonders if I’d not care about it like this if I never received such comments in the first place.
All I can say is, there are ALOT of guys out there who do not care about that stuff!
I have large labia and every one of my partners have been vocally enthused about them, both the look and the feel. I don’t think about it at all, although I understand the insecurity. When I was younger I vaguely remember feeling insecure about them, but once I had more dating experience, it went away, like my insecurity about my bust size. Our culture’s beauty standards are warped and grossly narrow.
Keep challenging your insecure thoughts exactly like you did in the post, and time will help. And try to strike that partner who made a negative comment from the record, because that person is an asshole and never deserved to even be in the presence of your labia. 💚 And for the record, the literal only time I’ve ever heard a guy talk crap about large labia was my gay best friend from high school, who referred to them as “roast beef.” Take that as you will.
I have not only massive meat flaps (🤪) but they’re really dark in comparison to my pasty Irish skin, and one is a good half inch longer than the other.
I couldn’t be fecking arsed worrying about them!
I do get a bit annoyed and wistful at times because I literally cannot wear tight or fitted seamed trousers or the camel toe would take your eye out. And even in something with no seam, like knickers or a swimsuit, it nearly looks like I’m tucking, just not very well (think Ken doll with his pants off level of bulge, rather than Barbie with her pants off 😛). But, well, as I said above, I couldn’t be fecking arsed worrying too much.
I’m too old (late 40s), too tired, too fatigued to worry about it.
I was insecure about the same thing when I was younger. Not only are mine larger, but they’re not symmetrical either! I’ve found that men really like them, or are just so happy to be there they don’t have anything negative to say. Any man who gave me negative feedback about something like that would be out. That’s a sign that they’re an overall crappy person and don’t need to be in your life. Can you imagine telling a man, “Hey, your balls are kind of saggy. Maybe you should have surgery to tighten them up?” Please learn to love and accept yourself, and also, please know that you are perfectly normal, many, many other women have the same kind of genitalia as you, and the tucked, bleached women you see in porn are not the average.
Good men when they see your labia: wow! Awesome! And I get to touch?!? Wow! Bad men when they see your labia: any other response ever.
I am more attracted to larger myself. There are several reddits dedicated to this. I don’t know where the rumor started that there’s only one way to be, but it’s incorrect. Your new lover has only indicated that he *liked your body. Now we just need to convince you 🙂
It will shrink when you go through menopause. Your higher estrogen levels are what is causing them to be larger, so if some man has an issue because your body is exhibiting signs of estrogen at fertile levels? Ok.
no direct advice that others haven’t mentioned but i’d like to point out that personal insecurities are only noticeable to us because of the negative emotion tied to it. you heavily emphasizes you had hoped he wouldn’t notice the way your labia looks. a counter perspective to that is that he looked at you, noticed all of you, and went head first into your beautiful body! he wants you! your labia! there is no negative emotion attached to a women’s body to that man, he just wants to devour you! i get wanting to feel invisible but you deserve to take up space and to only entertain those who receive that with the grace you are due.
I have bigger lips, as Kloe Kardashian once said, “my puss is large and in charge” and until I was almost 30, I thought the women in porn were the weird ones. I always wondered where their lips went but I never thought mine were strange. It’s all in how you look at it. I can say that your boy would NOT have brought it up if he thought for a second that you minded and he probably wouldn’t have mentioned it at all if he didn’t truly like them. For another positive, they act like bumpers and make everything easier to find down there lol
IMO they’re a part of our body that’s not supposed to be “pretty”. No genitals look good to me, they’re not there to look good either, that’s not what they’re for. That’s how I see it.