Men of Reddit: What was the moment or trait that made you realize ‘this woman isn’t what I’m looking for ?
Men of Reddit: What was the moment or trait that made you realize ‘this woman isn’t what I’m looking for ?
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Men of Reddit: What was the moment or trait that made you realize ‘this woman isn’t what I’m looking for ?
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She spent thousands on shoes and champagne… But lived in a shitty apartment.
After dating her for almost 4 months she popped off with a “moon landing was fake“ talking point. I assumed she was making a joke or something and we were around other people so I just let it go. But then a couple days later I asked what she was trying to stay with it and she doubled down. She legit was doubting it. From that moment, I knew we were done
After 5 dates, I never got a “let me pay for this one”. Even as a token gesture!!!
I’m never going to ask them to pay, but I realized I’m not looking for someone who wants me to 1) do all the outreach, 2) do all the planning, and 3) pay while her role is just to “show up and look presentable”.
I’m looking for 1 + 1 = 3, not 1 + -1 = 0
This is petty but it’s important to me:
I was on a date with a girl I met a few times at a bar. We had mutual friends.
We went out to eat at Chilis. A lady was walking out and held the door for us to walk in. My date, walking in front of me, didn’t even make eye contact with the lady holding the door, let alone say thanks to her.
I knew then her personality was not a match for me.
After our first discussion, the way she acted, playing the victim and handling things so superficially, made me think: “I’m not going through this again. Bye bye.”
She got a DUI with her kid in the car. That wasn’t the thing that made me quit. It was later when she asked if I wanted to ride with her and her toddler to get drugs. I hated it because she was at her core a good person. Just had some demons she couldnt subdue.
She slapped me across the face really hard for putting my cold hand from holding a slurpy on her thigh while I was driving, my ear was ringing.
Most often it’s one of these:
Crazy beliefs or superstitions;
Inability to apologize or take accountability;
Inability to express gratitude;
A tendency towards extreme promiscuity.
Any time we had a disagreement about what our future would look like she would say “oh ill change your mind”, or “its gonna be X”.
Yeah I’m not playing window dressing to her future. Marriage is a partnership big decisions should be made together not one person’s way.
When I came home from a full day of work, two hour commute, and there was no food but “I finished watching the fifth season of Dr Who. Hey can you drop by the store? What are you cooking tonight anyway?”
She picked the eye boogers out of the corner of her dog’s eyes and fed them to the dog…
She cheated.
When she started quoting Dr. Oz for general health advice.
Biggest deal breakers for me are clingyness and neediness. If they can’t handle I have a life outside of us or needs to be constantly texting it really pushes me away. Many peoples definition of “settling down” means giving up the social life and just being together ALL the time. Thats not for me. I like my alone time and time with friends as much as hanging out with a girlfriend.
Also if I tell you i’m busy doing whatever, that doesn’t mean we can play texting tag.
I’ll play.
Always on her phone when we’re together but takes hours to reply to my texts.
Never picked up my calls.
Never offered to split bills. Said men always pay in her culture.
Kept telling me I was moving too fast and that she’s unsure about “us.”
Hinted we’d break up eventually.
Turned my concerns into arguments, called me “negative,” and I always ended up apologizing just to end the fight.
When I said we were drifting apart, she gaslit me saying I was overthinking.
Still, I wanted to suck it up because I thought I was in love. She was sucking the living energy outta me.
We knew each other literally two weeks and probably went one two dates officially, we slept together one night and that same night asked me “What are we, I don’t want to play games” …it was a wild ride.
Lack of Trad Values, believed in psychics, the healing power of crystals and was busted for shoplifting while dating her.
She started using the N-word conversationally. Latinas are hot, but not when they do that.
Manipulative tendencies.
When I found out she started making up insane rumors about me after I complimented her on her red lipstick
When she wanted to do it 1hr into our first date and wouldn’t take no for an answer!
Every place she recommended was well above what normal people spend on anything.
I have plenty
These are just a few of my insta dealbreakers these days. I will only be burned once in life.
High maintenance and overly nit picky, I don’t have enough time or concern for this.
Millions of things. Insecurity, alcoholism, fucked a million guys, wouldn’t fuck, fucked terribly, dumb with money, didn’t ever want to go out, only wanted to go out, didn’t like the outdoors, was too outdoorsy, too unhealthy, too healthy, bad manners, too nice, jealous, weird eater, etc. I could max out this text field with all the reasons.
When I worked at Walmart, this absolute bombshell of a woman asked if I would want to date her. She was a friend’s sister and literally the only thing about her that I knew at this point was her name.
I told her I’d like to get to know her a little bit before we actually went out. Within a day she was already hooking up with a Meat guy. Realized she wasn’t actually into me, she was just not wanting to be alone.
Then I got into an argument with some mutual friends about how I wasn’t going to date her because she’s Latina (As in, the two of them were saying if I dated her the three of us would all be dating Latinas and I was saying I wasn’t going to date anyone solely because of something like that) and she took it as me being racist.
If the first incident killed my interest, the second one nuked it
When they keep telling me how independent they are, but never offer to pick up the check for anything.
A dealbreaker for me is how someone treats waitstaff at bars and restaurants.
Not just in romantic relationships, but any sort of relationship. People who are rude and disrespectful to people in the service industry are people not worth having in your life.
She told me I read too much.
Well I was in college, I do like to read to. Not like I pulled out a book during a movie on our date.
Sometime in the beginning of the relationship, I had an allergic reaction for which I needed medical attention. She decided to stay at my place and sleep instead of going with me to the emergency room. I knew then that she was not the one and, sadly, I was correct.
When I heard her friends talking poorly about guys generally. The company you keep is every bit as important to how you’re going to interpret the interactions between two people with imperfect knowledge and human flaw.
Every conversation was about her, her problems, her ex’s, her son. Was totally uninterested in learning anything about me. Shut it down after about 5 dates.
i just dumped a girl id been dating for 2 weeks
she was in my bed, and pulls a strand of hair, looks at me and says “whos hair is this?!”
im gonna be honest… its been a long time since i had a woman over, the sheets were fresh and the last time i had female company, my bed was in a different room
i tell her…. whats this about?….. it has to be yours cause youre the only woman thats ever been in this room with me…..what are you doing?
then she casually says “oh its a game i like to play”
well….i hope she had lots of fun playing that game with someone else
When she started getting all inked up all over her body. That was it for me. It started small and then kept going.
Every date we went to she had to have 3-4-5 drinks. After 3 dates I realized that I am dealing with an alcoholic…
1 million score on snapchat 😂😂 i said hell nawww
Her personality.
When men are required to wear tuxedos, uncomfortable stiff cotton shirts buttoned up to the top, stupid French cuffs with jewelry, shiny black tux shoes while women wear sundresses, ponytails and open toe sandals as formal wear, looking like they are going to the beach.
Never again for me!
She let slip she’d had sex outside of a committed relationship and she almost seemed fine with it. I couldn’t take her seriously after.
It’s gonna sound so dumb, but I realized she didn’t really listen to what I liked in bed. Like I tried really hard to please her and learn what she preferred but she never put in the same effort — started to notice other places in our connection where the effort felt incongruent. Talked about it and didn’t see an improvement so I left.
One laughed about releasing her elderly toothless cat into the woods instead of returning her to the shelter.
Another was a horse girl witch who whipped my family’s horse when he balked at dragging the bit in the horse’s mouth.
I had a girlfriend who I loved very much, but we fought about incredibly stupid shit constantly. I finally realized that I couldn’t do anything to fix that and that it would never change.
Never said “thank you” after a single date. I just can’t.
She talked longingly about a mutual acquaintance, a guy that joined a beginner climbing competition while I knew he was already a climber for several years. He also spent one party I also attended by doing fire poi on a rooftop bare chested.
Can’t be with the kind of girl that’s into that shit man
When every disagreement turned into a personal attack. I don’t mind conflict, but if you can’t argue respectfully, it’s not going to work long term.
I’m 35, so I’ve had a few of these.
All of these were different women.
I was in college and working part time. She wasn’t doing either and had no plans to. We were dating 2 months and she was pushing me to get a place with her and she clearly had baby fever. I key envisioning myself living in trailer park with 10 kids like Cletus from the simpsons. No thanks. Found out she was pregnant by the next guy she dated.
she wasn’t cooperating with how i wanna do shit from the jump
When I noticed that she lied to someone else.
Bye.
1- she couldn’t take a joke, or sarcasm, and would actively hit me if I tried to “make a funny.” Fastest date of my life to be sure.
2- “you can cum inside me it’s fine” nope nope nope.
3- super cool chick….until she started talking about homeschooling her daughters. Then how the “previous administration” (Obama admin, this was circa 2018) was full of crack pot lies. Then about how there’s too much religious diversity. Oh, she was also married and was planning to make me her AP. interesting.
Early stages of relationships, over drinking or the look of quiet rage I knew what the future held. I noped myself out of more than a couple.
She says: “You are the kind of man I would have a long term relationship with, but not the kind of man I would hook up with”.
https://old.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/1mhnff5/a_woman_tells_you_you_are_the_kind_of_man_i_would/
Someone who uses their astrology sign as an excuse to be a complete flake or a brat.
Someone who can’t hold a conversation
Or here’s The newest one, when a girl remembers a situation completely wrong but manages to remember the events in a way that work in her favor lol. That’s a new one for me. The not saying Thank You one is really crucial.
Social media.
Jealousy.
We went out and there was a crowd. I was looking around at the crowd, just observing. She waited a few beats and then asked me if “she was hot enough for me.” I was confused. She repeated, “The girl you were staring at, I just want to know what you like.”
I told her I was simply looking around at the crowd and observing. She said “You were staring at that girl. Maybe you don’t realize what you’re doing.”
I had enough. This wasn’t the first instance, but it was certainly going to be the last.
We were having drinks before dinner, about two weeks after we met. Somewhere during her third drink, she changed, like a light switch being flipped. She went from funny and engaging to dour, angry, and accusing. It turned out that she was bipolar, and her meds were overruled by a couple of drinks. It happened again, and she had no intention of not drinking, and that was that.
Threads like this make me feel unbelievably lucky.
When we had an arguement and she called the police saying that i had beaten her and tried to rape her even though we had just a verbal arguement. That was quite a turn off
Attention seeking behavior and/or need for external validation
Was dating a girl for a few months, noticed how she spoke about people after having interactions with them on the surface i thought the interactions were fine if not enjoyable for all involved but afterwards she would absolutely shit on the person for really petty thing. Like how they decided to dress or their opinion on something. Just made me have a realization that she wasn’t a nice person.
A woman that doesn’t appreciate art. I don’t date Philistines.
What I saw her resting peacefully after I had stayed up sorting and doing laundry and other housework. She came she was so tired I told her to go to bed cuz I don’t want to be annoyed by it. And there I saw her laying there without a care in the world and I thought I could just crush her skull right now. And I realize that’s not a thought I should have but I’m supposed have about somebody I said I loved.
Every other one of these moat upvoted comments are something my ex did to me…
I get so depressed realising I wasted my 20’s on her. I was a good looking dude, too.
They literally couldn’t tell me more about themselves aside from work or her living with her family. It just seemed like she didn’t do anything besides sit around on tiktok…. Like I was literally looking for any hobbies, interests or ambitions. She’d go on about being a hairstylist and her clients, which is fine but I’m not dating a job. Didn’t really ask much about me either aside from a fair head scratcher regarding a career choice I made temporarily.
Idk I’m just looking for someone who’s financially stable, intelligent, kind and interesting to be around. Who speaks their mind and doesn’t want me to literally do everything at home and in a relationship. You know a partner.
Apparently a good chunk of women don’t want someone who’s accommodating but rather dominant/pushy and then wonder why it’s not completely functional. But that’s just me venting about a recent issue I got burned on.
When she disrespected me in front of others
I walked
She asked money after sending a unsolicited tit pic.
When she fed her dog off the table and was baby talking to it. Also, she had a huge mole on the side of her face that was never shown in her dating profile. Also, she had pink hair when we went out vs blonde in her pics.
…..barely five minutes into the ‘date’ and she is constantly banging on about her ex partners. Not just one but all of them.
See ya.
When all she wanted to do was discuss things, make everything a 10-15 Minute discussion either via text or call or IRL. And then gaslight me that i couldn’t let things go.
Like a few months ago we went to the zoo, i told her i wasn’t going in to the boats because i’m afraid of water, she kept wanting to discuss the matter because what if it’s a big boat or a big canal or if she’ll help me? And all i said was “i’m sorry, but i don’t feel comfortable and i don’t want to continue this discussion, simple as that” and that prompted her to sent a 5+ Minute voice note about how i “shut the door on her” because i said “simple as that” and that for her was “you’re trying to keep me quiet”
I’m all for discussion, conversations, communicating, and looking for compromises. But, i’m not for overly long discussions that only are there because you keep them alive.
When I was in college, I was living with my girlfriend. One of her friends had come over and told us that her dad had gotten a bad report from an oncologist. My girlfriend was appropriately sympathetic and eventually the friend left.
(It’s important to note here that my girlfriend was a member of what my wife calls “the dead dad club.” Her dad had died when she was young and she basically refused to accept that anyone could “need” their dad.)
A few hours later, we were in bed and awakened by the phone. Her friend was drunk, sobbing, and wanted my girlfriend to come stay with her or get her and bring her back to our place.
Girlfriend refused. “She was just here. If she was going to go get drunk and want a shoulder to cry on, she shouldn’t have left.”
I went to pick up her friend, brought her back to our place, and sat up with her while she talked about how she wasn’t ready to lose her dad. My girlfriend made fun of me the next day for being a “sucker” for wasting a night of sleep sitting with a friend “who should have known better.”
The complete lack of empathy was when I knew that relationship was dead, though it took me a bit to pull the trigger (living with her made things more complicated).
Nagging. Can’t stand it. Won’t put up with it.
When she moved into a share house and proceeded to bang all of her housemates one by one.
Our second date she got blackout drunk and I had to struggle to get her back home, she was so fucked up it looked like I had literally drugged her. She wanted to have sex but she was so drunk she was on the verge of throwing up (she eventually did so for about 2 hours). I don’t drink so this really put me off. I didn’t even want to spend the night because the way I had to drag her into the house I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. She did the same thing when we were in a different city, I got us an uber home and she threw up in the poor dudes car. Once again I had to physically carry her through the hotel lobby back to our room. Probably looked great to other eyes 😅 We’re not together anymore
I liked her for her intelligence and kindness and she said something really dumb and in that instant my crush on her was gone. I get it we all say or do some dumb stuff sometimes, but it just destroyed my image of her.
Purposely twisting anything and everything and non-stop criticism while she never admitted fault…ever.
Emotionally immature women are a nightmare.
She had never heard of The Doors. Not a particular song. She was unaware of the existence of the band. 37 years old.
when I found out she did porn a “handful of times”
lmao
When she says or does something that shows how stupid she is or has no common sense…I’m out.
Lied(pathologically damn near) about going back to and fucking the dude who slashed my car tires.
Started going on about how the moon landing was faked and that vaccines are evil.
It’s been two years and she still bemoans her singleness.
Like, girl, chill out and climb down from some of those views, you’ll be okay
When she got mad at me because she didn’t know she had to put down a temporary deposit for a hotel. Mind you, I booked the hotel for her for when she was traveling back home. She didn’t have a credit card and barely a debit card to her name because of her bankruptcy.
When she said she believes in ghosts and lived in a house with one as a child. She was an adult and she truly believed the words that were coming out of her mouth.
Here’s one- She working let me in her home. One day, I managed to get in and was shocked- she was a hoarder. The ones you see on tv. It was insane – she made a path to the kitchen and bedroom through all the garbage she accumulated. Sick.
When she called a group of kids a racial slur because they cut in front of us at a waterpark that we had gone to with my family.
Bonus: We got into a fight and she started homewrecking a marriage that night.
Really trying too hard; defining and labelling themselves.
Based on past relationships…
I was Joking around about something but she thought i was disrespectful 🤣 soo this is big no for me
I feel when i don’t make fun of things im being not honest like a different person 😕
Every time I feel like I want a gf, I just come to these type of threads and the feelings dissipate. It’s amazing how we all have the same shared experience (across all races and ages).
Gay dude here.
He was WAY into astrology.
On our second date she told me I HAD to stop and fill up with gas because I “only”had about 3/8ths of a tank left. I knew then it wasn’t going to last. It didn’t.
We’re in public, on a train, and she raises her voice asking why I was receiving texts from one of her male friends and demanding to see what he was saying to me.
She used her first salary to buy a Tab she didn’t need. She was always low on cash because of that. Fast forward a few months and she buys a car she doesn’t need on loan. Despite having a tight budget. Her parents support her decisions making it even worse from my pov. The last straw was her joining a MLM group selling multivitamins. She needed to sell 2 sets a week or so…she asked me to buy 1 of the sets every week. Last straw.