I see a lot of guys answer “intelligence” or “high IQ” etc when asked questions like “What do you find attractive in a woman?”, and that many can’t stand when a woman isn’t particularly smart. I’ve also seen a lot of guys proudly say their wife is way smarter than they are, and that they love it. I’ve personally never felt that way.
I’m not saying I want someone unintelligent or that I look down on smart women, I just don’t feel any extra attraction to high intelligence. I actually prefer women who are around the same level as me, which is “just” average intelligence. Not smart, not dumb, just average. Someone chill, grounded, easy to talk to, and relatable is all I really want.
I haven’t seen many guys say this though, so I’m just curious, am I alone in feeling this way? (And obviously I don’t mean alone in literal terms before you hit me with a smart reply.) Are there other men who feel more comfortable or attracted to someone on their own level rather than someone much more “intellectually advanced”?
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I see a lot of guys answer “intelligence” or “high IQ” etc when asked questions like “What do you find attractive in a woman?”, and that many can’t stand when a woman isn’t particularly smart. I’ve also seen a lot of guys proudly say their wife is way smarter than they are, and that they love it. I’ve personally never felt that way.
I’m not saying I want someone unintelligent or that I look down on smart women, I just don’t feel any extra attraction to high intelligence. I actually prefer women who are around the same level as me, which is “just” average intelligence. Not smart, not dumb, just average. Someone chill, grounded, easy to talk to, and relatable is all I really want.
I haven’t seen many guys say this though, so I’m just curious, am I alone in feeling this way? (And obviously I don’t mean alone in literal terms before you hit me with a smart reply.) Are there other men who feel more comfortable or attracted to someone on their own level rather than someone much more “intellectually advanced”?
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A lot of guys think they’re smarter than they are.
*Since a few of you dummies aren’t cluing in: I’m being cheeky. A LOT of people overestimate their intelligence, and therefor want someone “intelligent,” in the same way everyone thinks they’re funny and therefor want someone “with a sense of humor.” People wanting someone smart and funny isn’t special. Pretty much everyone wants that. People desire compatibility. We all just decide to phrase it differently based on a personal value system.
Intelligence isn’t the same as high iq. I think most men just don’t want an airhead.
Personally, I like to have conversations. Its nice to have someone you can talk to who can hold a conversation
Edit: there’s a lot of men that think they are smarter than they really are. Then complain they cant find women who are smart to talk to. However, those same men dont allow for a conversation when they’re too busy talking to make themselves feel superior. So honestly, is it that you cant find someone as smart as you, or can you just not shut the fuck up and allow someone else to participate in that conversation?
I feel like they mean they want someone of their intelligence level, and feel that many are below that
I guess it depends on one’s definition of “high intelligence.” She doesn’t have to be a genius but should be someone I can carry on a conversation with and, just as important, make smart decisions. That doesn’t require high intelligence just basic common sense.
I don’t want the future mother of my kids to be an idiot.
Sorry not sorry.
I want someone that can think for themselves that I don’t have to micromanage and worry she’ll do something stupid.
People in general want someone who is around their same intelligence level. If you’ve tried talking to someone who is not close to you in how well your brain works, it can be really hard. Having a conversation with someone who isn’t capable of grasping the things you talk about can be really tough and not something I want in a partner.
Competency is sexy.
I want a partner, not a dependent.
Intellectual curiosity and need for cognition are important to me in a partner. I won’t find those characteristics in an unintelligent woman.
I want to know she can handle shit and make good decisions if I’m ever incapacitated for some reason and she has to call the shots for me.
“Someone chill, grounded, easy to talk to, and relatable is all I really want.”
These characteristics are not mutually exclusive with intelligence.
I want interesting, witty banter with a woman. That’s attractive.
Talking to a plank of wood gets boring fairly quick.
In my own experience low IQ ladies are more likely to be man haters
Because dumb people do dumb things which is infuriating in a relationship. If your partner is a moron, odds are they are awful with money and things along those lines which are dealbreakers. I’ve been there and done that and it’s awful.
I think it’s less wanting to date a super genius and more wanting to not date an airhead
-People frequently lie when asked what they find attractive.
-Married men overcompensate
-People confuse level of educational attainment with intelligence
[edit most couples have similar IQs]
Ummm, their demeanor has nothing to do with their intelligence level. Someone can be very intelligent and still be chill, grounded, easy to talk to and relatable.
These traits don’t exclude intelligent people
Smart people like being with smart people. Being in a relationship with someone markedly less intelligent than oneself is negatively correlated with relationship satisfaction/success.
Lots of dumb people prefer it as well, because their life is enriched by being exposed to new ideas and knowledge. Others are less confident, and prefer someone on their own level so they don’t feel dumb all the time.
Well Intelligent but not arrogance, arrogance is ignorant and dumb, but a genuinely smart person that matches your smarts is a good dynamic, you dont want an airhead or someone leagues above you
It’s not that intelligence is attractive, it’s that people who self proclaim to be unintelligent don’t apply themselves and would rather give up than try to understand something new. And that is unattractive.
Better more in depth conversations are fun. Can’t have those with the average woman.
Having a partner who can hold deep, thought provoking and expansive conversations is such a blessing.
You’d never run out of things to say and every conversation feels rewarding.
I mean, I have found folks all across the spectrum of education attractive (because intelligence isn’t just one monolithic thing) but I admit, the one time I really fell for someone, one of the parts that drew me the most was that she was so smart, it was thrilling to know that you could have complex conversations about so many things and a sense of discovery, as well as knowing that she really was passionate about the things she enjoyed because she went deep in on them. She’s absolutely smarter than me, although I never felt truly out of my depth.
Yeah, no, while I can vibe with all sorts of folks, I definitely have a preference for the brainy, nerdy ones.
Smarter women remain interesting. Dumb people get boring quickly.
I think for me it’s more of work ethic nothing sexier then a smart hard working woman that knows what she wants and goes after it with fury and passion
Personality means more to me than “high intelligence.”
I’ve met highly-intelligent women (and men) who were insufferable. And I’ve met women (and men) of average intelligence that were an absolute pleasure to be around.
As a man of average intelligence, I hope I fall into the latter group. But ultimately, that’s for others to decide.
That sounds like a personal experience.
I’ve dated a lot of very attractive women over the years. And the stupid ones with no common sense get less attractive every time they speak.
Date a bimbo you’ll understand.
I don’t want a “yes man”. If i say something really stupid and idiotic, I want a partner who’s able to challenge me at those moments.
Different strokes for different folks
Speaking as an old guy (happily married for 35 years)….
Looks fade….. a partner who is your mental equal, or better, will provide you a life time of stimulation (many kinds), challenges (in a good way) and support.
Plus, I have found that the prettier the girl, the more they expect to have things handed to them
I like having someone to talk to, who can hold up their end of an interesting conversation, and may have insights into things that I don’t have.
Also, a smart woman who lets it show is also telling you that she’s got confidence, and is likely to be willing to actually tell you what she wants.
I think what most mean is “the same intelligence as me or slightly higher” and imho that makes sense.
I like learning
Conversation sags later than fun bags.
They often mean “random book or game smart” and not “have your life together smart” or “artistic creative smart”
I used to think I was the smart one because I can book nerd. Turns out my sister can figure out just about anything and makes shit work irl…
I am looking for someone who will be the role model and mother of my children. Emotional intelligence is a must.
It could go either way honestly as long as there is common sense, humanity, decent self awarenes and an open minded that I feel is enough.
People say what they think others want to hear, what will get them positive attention. I’ve never given a second thought to what a prospective partners academic achievements or job actually are because that’s not what attracts me to them.
High IQ wife = high earning potential and smart kids. What’s not to like?
The dumber the better for me!
I’ve never thought a lot about it – I guess that I enjoy the conversation level. My wife is very intelligent and we can talk on the same level in most cases. She’s actually a little quicker than me in some regards (and I than her in others).
I’ve never even dated a dumb woman so I guess I prefer intelligence.
I’m a yapper so I want someone who can do the same. I don’t mean how’s the weather I mean let’s talk about random subjects and bring it back to our conversation. That takes intelligence and it shows you5 personality too
I’ve never tried to compare my wife’s intellect vs mine, or that in my previous relationships. Just by my best judgement my partners have been highly intelligent, and going by their academic and career performance, it’s reflected there too
For me having a great sense of humour is also a sign of high intellect, along with values etc. Not just academic aptitude
I like high intelligence, but less of the emotionless walking computer type and more towards the street smart, funny and curious about the world type.
I once went a museum with a girl I liked when I was younger. After I asked if she found anything interesting or learned something new. She responded by telling me that I act like a teacher and she didn’t pay much attention to learn. At that moment I kinda felt I would like someone with intelligence to appreciate science, art and literature.
She doesn’t need to be a genius but intelligent enough to find interest and appreciation in the world around them that they could reflect upon.
Because after awhile ‘Pop Tarts’ (lots of icing, not alot of filling) gets boring.
Being able to have adult conversations is meaningful.
I’m very attracted to curiosity which I think goes hand in hand with intelligence.
If you want someone of comparable intelligence as yourself, and you overestimate your own intelligence, naturally you’ll answer you find high IQ attractive, when in reality you’re just mislabeling “not dumb.”
Personally I find curiosity and intellectual honesty more attractive than raw intelligence. It tends to make exploring topics in conversation much more enjoyable; people who believe themselves to be very high intelligence will either one-side the conversation in a very pedantic way, or else smile and nod and not really contribute.
For me she has to have other traits to back it up, otherwise the relationship might not be as stable. Even if you factor it down to the person in question. Think Jadzia Dax from DS9, she’s a decent example of an intelligent woman who’s got other great traits to back it up. (even though she’s a fictional character). Her intelligence isn’t something she flexes most of the time outside of when it’s needed. Emotional intelligence is a huge factor as well, as people who are more intelligent tend to be not as happy as they could be.
A couple assumptions in this post.
so many men are saying ( are they? how many is so many?)
OP is just average (how do you know?)
Followed by a question that has a trivial answer:
Yes, of course.
But somehow I feel you did not want to just hear “yes” ?
I hate the feeling of talking down to adults because they don’t understand something basic. We all have a gap here or there and that is fine and normal. But if I am constantly having to explain stuff in daily life to you. I’m not having a good time.
Because the worst f@cking feeling in the world is to have to explain your jokes because they “don’t get it” since they have a 3rd grade reading and vocabulary level.
Nothing kills the moment faster than feeling like you need crayons to explain things to your date.
This is only a good thing for you because it means that the majority of women are in your wheelhouse
I dated a dumb girl once and it drove me crazy. She just made shit up, mispronounced words constantly, never got common sayings right, and basically lacked any common sense. She didn’t understand money and budgeting and constantly made bad decisions without a single thought about how it would effect her. It was like dealing with a child, except she didn’t want to learn anything because she was too stupid to know she was stupid. I’m not trying to be a teacher or parent to someone I’m dating, and that’s what dating a dumbass requires.
I don’t have a genuine veto or anything for intelligence. Like I’m not picky if you aren’t wildly intelligent, but if you and I can’t vibe on real conversations and things I find to be common sense or generally deeply interesting, it’s going to be hard for me to see a future with you. I will run out of things to talk about with you quickly. I have a handful of serious hard “your beliefs are ignorant and I can’t deal with them” but that sort of stuff is more or less after I know you well enough to know who you are over what you believe. Like extremist political views or deeply rooted conspiracy topics I just find to lack critical understanding, but I’m not ever going to be an outright asshole unless it becomes a serious relationship and my thoughts have genuine meaning to you.
I would like to learn things i don’t know or don’t understand from a partner and i am also giving.
I can’t stand anyone who is ignorant or doesn’t have anything to add to the conversation.
If I’m not intellectually stimulated, I’m bored.
Ideally, what I’d look for in a woman was a partner, which would work best if we were on the same page and on the same level of understanding about most things. It would be nice to be with someone who had their own life and their own interests, and who managed their own business pretty well. Then there would be things that we had in common as well, and things to talk about and share.
I suppose it’s common enough for men to assume a dominant position in a relationship, such that he can dictate things and expect them to be accepted without argument or discussion. Which to me is more like having an employee, rather than a partner. At work I always had to keep an eye on people and make sure they were doing what they needed to be doing. Which wasn’t terrible, but it was work, and I’d rather not have to come home and order people around and be responsible for every decision and every outcome as well.
Anyway, I live alone; it’s peaceful.
I’m one of those guys, and it’s because I can connect with them much better. It’s not like I can’t connect with a woman of lower intelligence, they just never feel like they would be good for me long term. I actually broke up with an extremely nice girl because of her low intelligence. I felt terrible, but she wasn’t the one for me. So why smart women? They have the intelligence to appreciate a much wider variety of subjects. They also likely possess intellectual curiosity and are open to learning new things. Simply understanding basic high school sciences can give you a much wider range of things to discuss, enjoy, and have a sense of humor about. We don’t have to constantly discuss more vapid topics that any simpleton can enjoy from watching TV or binging social media. More intelligent women also tend to be more practical women because they can understand how basic math concepts apply to their personal finances. Even if they don’t there’s enough intelligence to build off of that they can catch up quickly. Overall there is a stronger chance of a long term compatibility. They begin to feel like a competent partner and not just a pretty dependent.
The reality is this: Plenty of women are physically attractive. That does not really distinguish them, or make them good sparring partners in life. Weirdly enough, a lot of women do act “dumber” around guys they like for some reason, which I find to be a major turn off.
I question the meaning of “high intelligence”. I’d say most men would want a woman who is smart. Decently educated yes, but in essence, smart. That’s a character trait more than an actual quantifiable aspect.
These things are also not mutually exclusive. My wife is super down to earth, but she’s also a numbers girl. She does book keeping for various associations in her free time. Give her an Excel sheet and she’ll see the outliers. She can talk statistics it’s almost disturbing.
Competency is attractive. There are a lot of ways to be competent, and this is one
It’s a weird one for me – I’m adopted, and while I did manage to get a few college degrees I never really had a career take off (yet) so I’m working in a factory. I was originally planning on getting a Ph.D in something, and as it turned out I’m adopted and both my bio-parents were college professors.
I don’t really care if somebody is absolutely, hugely intelligent – but for me they have to have some kind of somewhat intellectual interest or knowledge. Like even just enjoying historical documentaries or being an active reader is enough for me. For me, though, the hardest part is getting them past the massive collection of books that I have (mostly academic history and philosophy stuff). Lost of women take one look at that and run the other way pretty damn quick just because they don’t want to have to live with it in their basement.
I can only speak on what I have seen and what I know.
My mom was, in many ways, smarter than my father. She worked a serious job just months after graduating high school, bought a starter home shortly afterward, had a plan in life as well as professionally, graduated a few years later with a bachelor’s of business administration and was making $90K/year before cancer took her in 2010. My father on the other hand never went beyond high school classes but did briefly try out becoming an apprentice electrician between layoffs from General Motors where he was in a union from right at high school graduation until his retirement a year or two ago. He’ll receive union benefits until he dies, I’ve watched him fix all sorts of things from car issues to home repairs. She was smarter than him in some ways but not all.
Then there’s me. I’m 36 now, never had a relationship last longer than around 6 months. There are many factors to things not working out but I’m sure part of it is my unwillingness to deal with women that I can’t have conversation with. I’m positive if I was willing to settle for some woman that wouldn’t understand any references I tried to make and when I make a joke just stares at me like a dog just shown a card trick then I could’ve settled that years ago. Thinking of two right now in particular that were sugary sweet and wonderfully submissive but I just felt bad about getting frustrated neither understood much of what I would say. A whole lot of “huh” and “what lol” from them.
I fantasize about making a smart woman dumb as fuck through the power of my evil penis. No regrets.
Maybe you fall into the house of “Ignorance is Bliss,” which is a little on the Taliban side, but okay.
I personally have found that many women that THINK they are smart, really aren’t that smart.
It means companionship is easier and we are more likely to be on the same wave length, gives us more to talk about and we can have higher quality conversations, and it doesn’t feel like I am dealing with a child or pet instead we are more equal. I had one woman that really liked me a long time ago, but it felt more like a father daughter thing to me because I was constantly having to lead and guide her through so many things or support her. I also like when she can teach me things or we can learn things together.
I enjoy stimulating conversation, and my wife is an equal partner. Plus smarter people tend to think more alike, meaning we have more in common when it comes to religion, politics, fundamental beliefs.
It’s not like it turns them on, it’s just nice. If you’ve ever dated a painfully stupid person you know it’s pretty much a deal breaker.
So it’s less “talking about string theory makes me so hard” and more “I’m glad she can help me see things from different perspectives and makes life so much easier.”
Plus complimenting someone’s intelligence always goes over well.
There’s no way to say this without sounding like a colossal asshole but very big differences in intelligence between people exist and your spouse probably needs to have a mind in the same league as yours to be happy. (Goes both ways obviously not a gender thing)
I wouldn’t call it a massively attractive thing more like a prerequisite.
IQ tests are skewed to mathematical, linguistic and conceptual intelligence.
I find the booksmart type women to be a turn-off especially the ones with neurotic tendencies: perfectionism, OCD, etc…I can only stand them in small infrequent doses.
Now “Someone chill, grounded, easy to talk to, and relatable” sounds more like emotional intelligence. If you add in being kind, emotionally attuned, able to read people, organized, good with money, and task-oriented; that’s even better. You can’t describe someone like that as being dumb, but who cares about nomenclature. It may or may not come with career achievements, I don’t really care about that.
I’m dumb, she explains things so I can understand them. But she married me too, so I do occasionally have doubts.
Because intelligent people are more insteresting
De gustibus non est disputandum
>Someone chill, grounded, easy to talk to, and relatable is all I really want.
Why would someone being intelligent not be chill, grounded or easy to talk to?
I think you’re compounding the trait of intelligence with a lot of other characteristics like being argumentative, aggressive, competitive or belligerent. And while yes these traits are annoying in someone intelligent, they’re also a heck of a lot more annoying in someone who is less intelligent or unintelligent.
The most intelligent person I know was also the most chill person I know and they never felt the need to prove they’re more intelligent than me so even though I did believe he was more intelligent than me, I never felt I was in competition with him. The most unintelligent person I know on the other hand would regularly get upset and would also regularly try to prove how intelligent he was even if he was wrong about something.
That’s just something guys say on the internet for white knight brownie points
Like when women say they “love kindness in men” or whatever
I think because looks are appealing at first but don’t carry a relationship for long.
Intelligence is different from being book smart. Maybe you’ve never been around dumb people or incompetent people but I have and more specific to this question, I’ve been on dates with really dumb women. It gets old fast and I would really love if my lady was intelligent and I’m positive she would love if I was too.
Mostly I just want someone smart enough that we can have real conversations. I dated someone once who only wanted to talk about reality TV, us, and occasionally whatever holiday was coming up. Oh, and whether or not she should have a roster for dating (which I made clear if she was seriously considering that, we’d be done). No curiosity about politics, science, arts, or even trying new restaurants or simple things like that. Or even other TV or stories outside of reality TV. Like no interest in anything. It sounds unbelieveable, and believe me, I didn’t believe it at first either. I thought if I stuck it out I might find some other interests or things to talk about. After three months, I did not, and I ended things myself.
I don’t need her to be a genius. I do need her to have enough intelligence, or just curiosity about the world, that we can talk about something interesting for some amount of time.
I’ve dated stupid in the past. You can’t carry a conversation with stupid. Stupid doesn’t get your jokes. Stupid has opinions that make no sense and then argues to defend them like it’s a death match.
All in all I would take ugly over stupid 10/10, but I’d prefer to avoid both.
Go look for Ron White’s you can’t fix stupid.
My wife is smart, reads 100+ books per year, has a Master’s degree, she writes critiques of the books she finishes. We always have something to talk about. What’s not to love?
Intelligence in a woman is super attractive if she is humble about it. A woman that constantly tries to tell you or show you how smart they are is the worst.
social desirability bias
Dating stupid gets old when you have to do all the thinking for the relationship. It’s exhausting and stops being cute or funny eventually.
Intelligence makes my loins get all frothy. Call it what you will, but intellectually stimulating conversation with a beautiful woman flares my reproductive drive.
For me it’s not necessarily about intelligence, I don’t think. I want to be with someone that I can converse with, without getting the glazed look. But much more importantly, when someone talks about something that they are passionate about, they LIGHT UP! That is what I crave and want in a partner, I want to sit in her glow and learn what she finds fascinating.
Ur like most men , the only difference is u have less of a ego and know ur not smart either, these men that want smart women think they are smart to so a smart women is their equal ur just realistic
I feel that other qualities are much more important to me
I think when you hear this men just don’t want airhead women that ask stupid questions and say stupid things constantly. Conversations with airheads get really old, really quick.
Honestly, being partners with someone who isn’t intelligent would be a complete turn off for me.
It comes down to what people value.
I value curiosity, adventure, and ambition. I like people who strive to be better and do more for the world (whether it’s in small or big ways).
I want a partner in the truest sense of the world. The better they are, the more it brings to the partnership.
They get my everything. I want them to bring everything to the partnership too.
I want to do great things and live a remarkable life. That isn’t possible if the goal is just comfort.
Is this something you see in your real life or on Reddit? Reddit is not a good representation of real life. Everyone on here says that BS – few in real life actually show it
Steel sharpens steel. While I appreciate the gf who was great in bed: the smarter one helped me build a LIFE, keeps my drive going. And is learning better skills in all areas, motivating the journey.
To me it’s more important for a woman to be a good mother and a kind person.
I couldn’t care less about intelligence or a career- in fact I’ve found career focused women are likely to be worse mothers
Dumb people suck because they make life harder than it needs to be.
Intelligence is subconsciously correlated to masculinity, hence why tech, engineering, math, etc, if people are asked to picture an engineer without thinking about it they will envision a man, but will envision a woman as a nurse (because it’s more nurturing). Think of all the unintelligent girly girl stereotypes, like bimbo or onlyfans models not going to college or a sugar baby being hot but stupid, etc. The opposite for a man has become true in RECENT years of media, but was only made a thing as a reaction to previous media painting hot women as stupid and hot men as intelligent. That isn’t to say that women aren’t intelligent, in fact, 7 very high quality studies have found that women have a higher IQ and EQ with an average of +4 points higher.
My point is that the question that you are asking isn’t actually the question you’re asking. Many people don’t actually know what the definition of Intelligence is, hence why a man might say they value highly an intelligent woman, but what they actually mean is they want a competent woman, someone they won’t need to explain directions to unless something is really hard. What they mean by intelligence is the ability to be independent as well as being masculine enough to feel a bond with the woman. You can be a pretty incompetent person with a high IQ. Theres statistically more people with high iqs that have more success in careers, but theres also statistically more high iq people on welfare or assistance programs due to instability, higher rate of mental illness, gifted child syndrome, unable to keep a job due to the boredom of knowing everything but having curiousity etc.
When people say they want someone with high intelligence, they mean competence, independence, and flexibility in their thinking, which is not the definition of intelligence, although fluid intelligence is often adaptive like this…. not the same though
Personally, I am highly intelligent and very creative and I got sick of average IQ women telling me I was strange, weird and freaky just for being me. I need a higher than average intelligence in my partner because she does need to keep up with me. It’s just that simple.
It’s always been important to me. I don’t need my partner to be a genius but she needs to be able to carry on a conversation and not feel like I’m explaining things to a toddler.
I want a partner I can have deep conversations with. The deeper we can connect, the better.
Most people like high intelligence when:
1.) the smarty pants agree with their gut assumptions
2.) the smarty pants doesn’t challenge them
3.) the smarty pants likes to learn and share in a way fun and interesting not annoying.
Because people on social media love to virtue signal and get chase fake internet points.
What people say/want in real life and social media never add up.
After you’ve been on a relationship with an intelligent woman, just average feels dumb and that’s frustrating.
For myself, having curiosity, logic, conversational knowledge of many subjects, problem solving, a sense of humor about themselves, and a rapier wit are important in a partner.
Fortunately that describes my wife, with whom I celebrated our 24th anniversary today.
We are equally matched opponents, both able to give and take it as hard or soft as the other wants to engage, all with a smile. Essentially, from the literal day we met, we’ve been involved in a continual conversation that never gets boring, and we make each other laugh all day long.
I would wish a similar fate on anyone.
I want to feel like I can have a good back and forth with someone, where we both get stimulated and learn from each other. Also as someone said, competency is a huge plus. It doesn’t have to be “intellectual” maturity, but it could also be emotional and social maturity. Or in fact an expertise in ANYTHING is sexy. Someone who has practical skills and knowledge in some field turns on my nerd brain.
I dated someone once who at least acted like she wasn’t very smart. To the point where it felt like a kid. I don’t want to feel like I’m taking over as a parent when I’m dating someone. I’d feel icky.
I think by and large it’s about humour and captivating their mind. I’ve dated woman that are intelligent but don’t have humour, are hyper fixed about being competent and are highly strung, that’s no fun. But when they are capable of understanding and pondering the same topics, have sharp humour that catches you off guard and are super emotionally attuned and intelligent it’s great
I feel the same way. I’d like to think that if we take average of my intelligence in various fields (yes I’m smart in one or two and dumb in so many others and so is my wife) and do the same for my wife, we’d have similar mean intelligence.
But I do admire smart and, this is important, humble women. But it’s not necessarily romantic attraction though
They don’t actually want high intelligence. A high intelligent woman would find a lot of men stupid. What these men say really is they want someone who can talk topics with the same interests as them. Women typically are more interested in sharing things, relationships, what’s going on with your life, and so on. Those are just not what men talk about.
So there’s two ways to go about this.
The low IQ women are entitled man-hating feminazis who expect men to service them, especially in western countries.
The high IQ women on the other hand, are insufferable smart-arse Mary-Sues trying to one-up the men around them, “reeeee SeCsXiSm!!” like the standard female protagonist(s) of every Hollywood movie these days.
Finding a woman who doesn’t spend her spare time watching Tiktok brainrot and reality tv like Love Island is enough of a sign of normal intelligence, and that’s good enough for most men.
Intelligence and high IQ are two very different things.
An intelligent person knows a lot of things, a high IQ person has good pattern recognition skills and problem solving skills.
I know people with a high IQ who are as dumb as rocks, and I know PHD graduates with terrible IQ.
Because I like having someone to talk to who can be self sufficient?
I’ve only seriously dated very intelligent women who eventually all got advanced degrees and are successful professionals. lol hooked up with a lot of dummies, too. Being interesting and having a good sense of humor are not exactly traits that go along with being dumb.
I also wanted a partner, not a dependent. My wife doesn’t need me.
Also, you know who has dumb kids? Dumb parents. My daughter is and always has been above her peers in school. That hasn’t at all been a surprise to us
I spent a long, long time with someone I wasn’t compatible with. It felt like a slow, numbing death. I didn’t realize how bad it was until after we split and I started connecting with more intellectually curious women.
I want to have deep and insightful conversations about what’s going on in the world today. I want someone that would share my enthusiasm for the advancement of science and the history and future of art. I don’t want someone who’s eyes glaze over at the merest mention of the imaging of a black hole or the Belle Epoch period.
I want to be able to learn from her and give her my full trust in dealing with any problem or issue we encounter as a team or in my absence.
I don’t want the entirety of her intellectual curiosity to be of what’s going to happen this season on Love Island.
Just make me feel inspired and understood.
Smart men tend to like smart women. Having someone who understands you and you can share conversation with helps couples come closer
Because so many women aren’t…able to have a decent convo. I’d consider myself pretty intelligent and talking to many women is just painful. When you find one that’s got insights and opinions backed by facts and can deliver it in a calm way…yum.
So if she’s physically attractive, then the intelligence is like oooohhhhh
I like em dumb.
I love how smart my wife is because none of my bullshit worked on her when we first met. I had to be a more thoughtful, thorough and honest man and I realized I really liked who I’d become thanks to her.
You ever tried to carry a conversation with a woman who has zero depth or knowledge about anything other than what Kim Kardashian did last week?
I want a woman that can keep up. But you run the risk of the career types who most of the time make bad partners.
I want a structured settlement from JG Wentworth.
Personally, I find high intelligence attractive. That means that she has a lot of interesting stuff to talk about, and she could be a good educator to our potential kids.
This is why brunettes are my kryptonite. More often than not, they’re the smart ones.
I definitely want a partner who is smarter than me about some important things. We should be able to take turns having a superpower.
I can’t think of any woman ever scaring me off during to her intellect, and I’ve known very smart women.
Was just talking about it today with a friend.
Once you “conquered a woman” a.k.a slept with her, her looks become less important. For some real feelings to develop and stay you need a woman to stimulate your mind, not just your penis. Sure, you may be attracted to a hot woman, but do you really want a stupid dull and boring hot chick to spend your days with or an intelligent, interesting and constantly pushes you to be better yourself?
If I just want a one night stand, she can drool for all I care. But for anything beyond mindless sex, I prefer mind over body.
I don’t think many mean they want genius level intellect. After I spent years working in food service before entering my career path, I have learned that the average person is generally pretty stupid, or at the very least lacks a lot of common sense, spacial reasoning and awareness of their surroundings. I have learned I appreciate people who have those sensibilities more because of that.
Are you talking about responses on here? Because guys are lying on here. And those lies get upvotes. Because it’s aspirational rather than realistic. Look at any of the questions about what “Immediately turns you off,” you will see personality shit but that is NOT the reality.
I don’t care if she has high intelligence or average intelligence or even low. But the whole “would of” “should of” “could of” thing is definitely an attraction killer for me. Sadly I’ve seen people much smarter than me type it like that too so it isn’t even just about intelligence.
I couldn’t imagine seeking out someone who wasn’t at the very least above average in intelligence. Capable of grad school. I almost downright loathe dumb people
I want a women smarter than me so I can just be the big silent guy who cooks and bakes. I wanna let her handle everything else
Why would I not want her to be as smart as possible, assuming she’s chill, funny, and all-around wonderful person?
I feel like there’s some subtext when people talk about intelligence, both through the lens of gender or not.
For one, at kind of a minimum, people who have been through 4+ years of rigorous study at college are less likely to have picked up bad habits in their youth (drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling problems) and are less likely to engage in dumbass lowlife behavior. It’s at least a filter for folks with a mature attention span and some sense of prioritization.
Similarly, analytically-minded people are less likely to get involved with obvious scams. For women that is likely to take the form of astrology, palmistry, MLMs, psychics, etc. For men it’s likely to be crypto, day trading, different MLMs, conspiracy theories, and racism. Educated people of both genders tend to avoid orthodox adherence to organized religion.
Lastly, it’s common sense to want to date people with a similar background to yourself, and to a lot of people the notion of objective intelligence fills the role of class-status. This is true whether the perception is accurate or not. Even if they’re not doing well as far as economic mobility, they can at least think of themselves as superior for their intellect and want someone who feels the same so they can circle-jerk.
I think because a 7 you can hold a conversation with for 30 years is going to make a better partner than a 9 who you only share surface conversations with.
We’re still visually driven creatures, but all other things equal, I’d prefer smart to dumb.
I appreciate someone who can also teach me things and provide unique perspectives- with problems and with ideas.
What excites me most about our fellow human beings is how they process things and operate in their world. I enjoy picking brains, and my favourite conversations are those where we exchange interpretations on an idea back and forth, learning a little bit each time.
Greater Intelligence alone is of course better. If it comes with negative traits like arrogance or inability to listen and respect others’ opinions – the attraction vaporizes.
because it’s freaking hard to connect deeply when girls arent very bright.
it takes a certain amount of capacity to be able to reflect, articulate your wants, talk about a variety of subjects (beyond clutch bags and makeup that guys really cannot empathise with) and be emphatic in general.
People less bright also tend to be very easily swayed by herd mentality instead of keeping on to what they actually need and want. This can mean a lot of chaos in a climate where the internet is skewed, and their actual friends may be toxic. The qualities of the person, also reflect on the people around them as well.
Honestly, I like it when my wife is able to check me when I’m talking out my ass. I spend a lot of time at work being “the guy”,.so it’s very refreshing to have someone challenge my thinking.
I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life not being able to have a conversation about anything other than surface level things. I learn from my wife and she learns from me. It’s awesome.
I need her to be smarter than me cause I’m dense lol. Just not pretentious where she’s speaking to me like a child and we’re good
Here are a few reasons, which can apply to different people, even if not all of them:
I like a challenge, accountability and interesting conversations. I’d get bored and frustrated being with someone not too bright. Met some gorgeous women that were absolute airheads and it was very annoying to be around.
Men don’t want a dependant, that’s really what this is about.
Women who make it their whole personality to elevate someone who is a provider is gross and outdated.
I don’t need someone who is a drain, there’s literally nothing you can provide to outweigh me needing to finance you.
Basically, in my profession I deal with some heavy shit. I’m not so arrogant as to think that I know it all and I want a partner that’s going to push me to see all the angles so I can simultaneously decompress but also come up with a good solutions. I’m not asking her to come up with the solutions, but when I vent about work, I need someone that can keep up with the concepts that I’m talking about. Similarly, I expect to act as a soundboard for her, whether it be her day or her career or her theories or thoughts on life. If she can’t hold basic or thoughtful conversations, I’m not interested. Because in the end the looks will fade, the sex will go away, and what’s going to be left are our minds. Best to play the long game in that department.
I’m a dummy, but I’m attracted to women who know things. Not arrogant, or supercilious, but knowledgeable, and curious about things.
hmm thats simple. men like to be dominant. if a woman is better than a man himself, it could bruise their ego.
I tried dating a woman, but then she told me Little Nas X opened a portal to hell during one of his concerts. I’m not a smart man but, ya.
I never paid such things any mind until meeting my (now) wife. It’s a whole other thing to be with someone smart like her. I learn new things pretty well daily, some of which are truly new and foundational to me. I (now) am alive to much more than physical & aesthetic kinds of attractiveness. Which is a good thing because I’m getting a lot older and a whole lot less hot (so to speak) these later days.
It’s practically a requirement that I date a woman with high intelligence. Too many things I find interesting would just be nearly impossible to converse about. And there’d be a lot less shared understanding of the world we live in.
I feel like there needs to be more words. I know women that aren’t stupid, but really don’t like to talk about deep concepts or ideas. Mostly enjoy chatting people and emotions, which is usually more fun. But calling someone unintelligent or unintellectual has pretty shitty connotations.
Having someone you can actually talk to and they understand what you’re talking about and can add to the conversation is amazing, vs being with someone who you have to explain everything you say because they don’t understand.
>I like ’em cute, round tits and fat asses
Educated, so I can bust off on they glasses
– Notorious B.I.G.
Stupid people aggravate me, they are not fun to be around. If I’m looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with i want someone responsible, has common sense, and a good head on her shoulders. I dont want to have to explain the moon and the sun are not the same thing.
I want a genuine connection, not a sex doll.
I have a female friend with a PhD. She said it is notoriously difficult dating men. As soon as they find out she has a PhD, they dip.
Her Ph.D. is in marine mammalogy (dolphins, whales, etc.)
So it’s not like she’s a published theologian. She’s just very knowledgeable about a very specific thing.
She lives in central Florida, so I imagine a woman’s attractiveness based on intelligence has a lot to do with where people live.