This title seems provocative, but I actually don’t know how else to phrase it. I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for a little over a year now, and things have been kind of perfect. We go on fun dates, we have deep convos, he makes me laugh all the time and I don’t think we ever actually fought, at least nothing major. He’s the most thoughtful and attentive man I’ve been with, always checks in, remembers little things about me, texts me goodnight, and surprises me with small gifts. It’s hands down theb est relationship I’ve ever had, he makes me feel really special
But it’s not just that. He does so much for me. For example, he randomly swings by after work to cook dinner just for me (I’m vegan), and he does dishes afterwards. When he sees my laundry basket full, he takes it and washes it at his place, and brings it back the same day. Last time I mentioned I was stressed about taxes (I hate paperwork and he knows), he offered to help and ended up doing the whole thing for me. He returns my library books when I finish them, or the Zara articles I’m too lazy to return. He gives me full body massages, which I absolutely love after long days. Sometimes it lasts forever,, and no he doesn’t expect sex afterwards. Also he comes by every weekend to clean my entire apartment. He just shows up with my favorite iced coffee and starts cleaning, floors, kitchen, bathroom, everything.
Of course at first I was uncomfortable, I told him countless times he didn’t need to do all that. But he always says he wants to, that he loves taking care of me and it makes him happy. So eventually I just let him. I wanted to at least help him with the chores, but I’m lazy. I like procrastinating and doing things at my own pace, or not at all sometimes. I tried helping in the beginning, but I felt forced into it, and he always tells me to relax and let him. I think he dislikes the way I do stuff, because he always fixes it after me lmao. So now I just chill and watch netflix while he handles things.
My friends say that I’m the luckiest girl ever, that I’ve won lottery. And I appreciate it, of course, I love him a lot, and he makes my life so much easier. I would lie if if said I didn’t like being spoiled, not stressing over things, or having my place clean all the time. But I don’t know, I’m not even sure what kind of advice I’m looking for. What do you think of this? Basically what I wanna ask is am I being a b*tch by letting this continue?
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This is called a healthy and proper relationship that 99% of this sub would want, and the other 1% already has.
People who say this isn’t for them have coped hard to believe that. This is just considered a healthy, in some cultures and communities, normal relationship.
Sounds like you’re looking for confirmation and worried if it comes with strings attached?
He’s behaving like this because he’s into you and wants more (maturing of a relationship). Depending on how long it’s been going on for, likelihood of this continuing for decades is slim…(like sprinting in a marathon aka burnout) my opinion is this is the honeymoon phase where you both are into each other and trying to impress the other.
We are all different and can’t expect things to match up. When you both face adversity will show the genuine person. There is a chance, that is who he is, only time will tell.
I think you probably need to find a way to balance it? Like, if he’s happy to do housework for you and finds you helping annoying, then let him do that. But find something that you like to do that he doesn’t. Be it cooking, or organising things, or spoiling him financially, planning dates, etc…
I’m guessing he hasn’t told you yet about his secret hobbies…
There are love languages, and one of them is acts of services. It may be that this is his love language, and how he shows his love to you.
Do you know how he likes to receive love? He may just like to see your appreciation and get praise for his acts. I don’t know – you’d have to ask him.
As long as you are showing love in return, I see nothing wrong with this.
This seems like a normal relationship to me. You’re doing fine. Just use your happiness at having a good partner to inspire you to be a good partner.
It sounds like you’re with someone who really wants to take care of you, and while it’s easy to feel unsure about accepting all that attention, it seems like you’re both happy with how things are going, which is what matters most. It’s nice to see someone so dedicated to making another person feel valued, and if it works for you, there’s no reason to change anything unless you feel something’s off down the line.
The relationship you described is EXACTLY like mine. At first I was extremely uncomfortable, simply becauae I wasnt used to someone taking so much off my plate. I’m the eldest daughter who has ADHD and is chronically independent.
This to me is a healthy relationship, one of my partners love languages is acts of service; so him doing these things for me is a way for him to show me he loves me. And I also do things for him as well. Its all about balance. Enjoy it, enjoy being happy, being happy together 🙂
Delete this post because it doesn’t matter what we think and you don’t need advice from us. You are in a healthy relationship.
Yeah this is just my relationship with my partner lol. Been dating for 3 years, he still acts like, and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in!
I’d say keep an eye out for love-bombing, but honestly after a year? It sounds like he just loves you. Which is how it should be.
I’m in a very similar boat! It can be very stressful to feel like you’re taking advantage of your partner’s kindness, I know, but I try to remember that it’s their love language. To try to convince them to stop, or that you don’t want it, is akin to you saying you don’t want their love.
I always try to vocalize my thanks and gratitude as much as possible. I also try to check in with how he’s feeling, if he’s overwhelmed or stressed, and give him space to be lazy and I handle the cooking and cleaning for however long he needs me to.
My own love language is gift-giving, so I try to spoil my partner as much as I can (although money is tight, so I have to try to make things for him in secret haha)
When he’s relaxing, I get him drinks and treats, and I encourage him to hang out and play games with his friends as much as possible. His friends can be pushy to make him stay up later than he wants to, so I also play the nag so he can go to bed without feeling like the bad guy 😂
Basically: he’s spoiling you with his love in a way he’s comfortable with, so find ways to show him love in your own way. Let his goodness bring out the best in you, and let the love snowball bigger and bigger. ❤️
If you want to keep the relationship then make an effort. Find out what he values and do it for him. Otherwise honestly you’re taking advantage.
It sounds like you’re in a relationship where your partner’s devotion and care are genuine, and while it’s easy to feel conflicted about being spoiled, it seems more like a sign of his affection than anything else, just make sure you’re both on the same page about what feels healthy for you both moving forward, maybe set some boundaries gently so you can enjoy the perks without feeling obligated. I love how open and kind you are about this, it’s refreshing to see someone suggest so deeply on their relationship dynamics.