AITAH for telling my husband’s family, that I had an abortion not only because he cheated on me but also because he was planning to leave me and take my child to his mistress?

Sorry this will be long but I have a lot to process.

I, (33f), am married to Jeff (fake name), and we’ve been together for 5 years.

To explain my situation, I think I need to give more context about our relationship. He’s 4 years older than me, and we met when I started working at the same company. We started dating and our connection grew. We moved in together after eight months, and after our second year, he asked me to get married, and we started planning our future. Although he wanted to start a family, I wanted us to have financial security and a home before thinking about children.

After our first year of marriage, I agreed to try for a baby. I never had much desire to be a mother, but I wanted to make my husband happy, and we thought it would be quick and easy. But it wasn’t, and the more time passed, the more frustrated we became, especially him. We got checked out, and neither of us had any problems that would prevent us from conceiving.

But my husband kept insisting, and I tried to be understanding because it was something he really wanted. His brothers and sister already had families with children, and he was feeling pressured by his parents to start us down that path as well. But there came a point where I spoke to him seriously about the possibility that we might not be able to have children. For my part, I was fine with that because he was my family, and I asked him if it was the same for him. But Jeff didn’t take it well and left home that night. Even though I tried to reach him a thousand times, he didn’t answer until the next day. He told me he needed some time to think things over and that he would be at his parents’ house. The relief of knowing he was okay didn’t last long after reading his message, and I was afraid my marriage was over. For two weeks, I waited to hear from him, talking to his mother (with whom I’ve always had a good relationship) to find out how he was doing. When he returned, his attitude was more serious and cold, but he told me he wanted us to stay together even if we didn’t have children.

He continued to be an attentive husband, but I felt he was increasingly distant from me, and we spent very little time together. I decided to give him some space because maybe he hadn’t fully processed his feelings yet, but the gap between us grew wider and wider. For the next six months, he was more distant, canceling dates, or fighting over stupid things, until one night when he came home quite drunk and went to bed without saying a word to me I decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore. I shouldn’t have done it, but I looked through his phone and what I found devastated me. My husband was cheating on me with a coworker, a woman I knew who was also married. I found texts, pictures, and months of videos of the two of them together.

The next day, after he left for work unaware of my condition, I called my best friend, who came to comfort me while I told her everything I had discovered, not knowing what to do. I felt guilty because I couldn’t give him the family he wanted and that had made him run off with someone else, even though my friend told me a thousand times that it wasn’t my fault but his for cheating on me. I couldn’t face him afterward; I couldn’t find the time or the words, and three weeks went by like this, and my health was also affected; I vomited often and felt very tired. My husband did notice this, and for the first time in a long time, he showed concern for me, which only made me feel worse. I pushed him away whenever he approached, until one day he surprised me by asking if maybe I was pregnant. I knew it wasn’t possible, but he insisted on buying a test and giving it a try. And indeed, I was pregnant. But happiness never came. I didn’t want this. Jeff was ecstatic, and he wasted no time calling his mom to tell her the news, without asking how I felt or even considering me at all. Then he went to work, kissing me with a sense of happiness I hadn’t seen in months. I didn’t go to work; I called in sick, and I stayed home overwhelmed with everything. I didn’t realize how long it was until Jeff came back, with a bouquet of roses and my favorite food to celebrate the news that we were going to be parents. I felt too sick to celebrate, but even so, he started talking about everything that was coming. The only thing I could ask him was if he would stop working so much to be home with me, but he was evasive and said it wasn’t necessary until the baby arrived.

Later, I checked his phone again, and it was worse than the first time. Apparently, he’d already been planning to leave me, but with the pregnancy, he told her they’d have to wait a bit for the baby to be born, and then he could leave me. He’d make sure he had custody of the baby so they could finally get married and be a family. Everything we’d both talked about and planned, he was now going to have with another woman.

And in that moment, I made the decision that I wouldn’t have the baby. I wasn’t going to be tied for the rest of my life to this man who didn’t care about me and who was going to throw me away like an old rag.

I didn’t say anything to Jeff the next day. I packed my things and went to my parents’ house, to whom I unburdened myself about everything that had happened. In the end, they said they would support my decision, even though it was clear they didn’t like the idea of an abortion. There I texted Jeff, that I knew what he’d been doing, that I wanted a divorce, and that I was going to have an abortion. He didn’t answer, but that night he came to my parents’ house, banging on the door and demanding that I come out to talk to him. My dad took charge and told him to leave and that I didn’t want to talk to him, but he kept yelling at me, calling me a murderer and saying that he would ruin my life. It wasn’t until my dad threatened to call the police that he left, but he continued to bombard my phone with calls and texts for the next few days. He was joined by his entire family and some mutual friends, all telling me what a horrible woman I was for leaving my husband. I blocked everyone, but Jeff and his family kept creating accounts to send me messages and threats.

Even with my fear, my decision didn’t change, and last week I went to the clinic. I recovered in a few days, and my parents helped me find a lawyer to start the divorce process. But two days ago, Jeff’s mom call me again and this time I answered, expecting the same treatment that I received via text. But she was gentle. She apologized and said she was upset about everything that had happened, but she wanted us to talk and find solutions. She insisted I go to dinner. I hesitated for a while, but decided to go to tell her the truth. Dinner was last night, and I thought it would be just her, but everyone was there: my father-in-law, Jeff, his brothers with their wives, his sister, and some uncles I’d barely met. I felt anxious about so many people, and when I asked Jeff’s mom, she told me this was a family intervention to get him to reason and return to my husband and accept the baby.

The worst part was that everyone already knew about Jeff’s affair, but they excused it by saying it was just a slip, a mistake, and that our marriage shouldn’t suffer because of it. They wanted to do what was best for me. One by one, they explained why I should stay married for the sake of the child.

When it was Jeff’s turn, his speech was the one that woke me up and filled me with rage, because it was pure lies about how I had distanced myself from him, and because of that he made a one time mistake, but he just wanted to get back to how we were, go to therapy if necessary. I interrupted him and asked him how he could consider an affair of more than six months a slip or one time mistake? And that left him cold because maybe he didn’t expect me to know that information. Then I went on to ask his family if they knew that he planned to abandon me after I had the child, take me away from him, and start a family with his mistress (adding in the fact that she was also married). Everything I hadn’t been able to say in person before came out in that moment: everything he had put me through and the messages I had found on his cell phone. I ended up saying there was no going back, that I was going to file for divorce, and that I never wanted to see him again. Jeff’s brothers and his father started complaining, demanding an explanation from him, but Jeff’s mother kept talking to me, insisting that it was all a mistake, that things would change when the baby arrived. I confessed to her that I no longer had the baby, that that innocent man didn’t deserve this hell, much less a father like Jeff. I apologized because she burst into tears, and I left before anyone else could stop me.

Today I came to my best friend’s house and she suggested this option to vent and maybe receive some other perspectives.

(Sorry for my English, is not my first language)