Me (F30) was getting ready for bed with my bf (M37) of one year. Our sex life is extremely bland because I suspect he has ED due to a p0rn addiction. His way of forplay is just showing me he’s hard.
Last night, he was stroking himself, but I had to be up in 3 hours for work so wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t want to affect his ego and further contribute to his ED, so I told him good night and rolled over before he could get hard. However, he didn’t stop? He full on pleasured himself for 45 mins… I had no clue what to do but it 1000% made me feel uncomfortable. Why? Because my dad did the same thing when I was younger..
Now I’m not sure how to handle this because I’m not even sure what I’m feeling. Do I talk to him about it? Do I just leave it and if it happens again I do something? Is this even a weird thing or only weird because I lowkey have trauma of the exact same thing?
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Leave. He will never view you as anything better than the porn on the internet
Are you saying you are a victim of SA? If so, then your bf needs to know you have trauma triggers.
Actually… it sounds like what you’re describing is a deeply uncomfortable situation that might be triggering old wounds, and it’s completely valid to feel unsettled by something that reminds you of your father’s behavior, this isn’t just about the act itself but how it makes you unsafe or disrespected in your own space.
Why are you putting up with this low effort behavior?
If you were my best friend and we were talking over coffee about this, I would urge you to break up with this man and to get into some therapy.
This is bleak.
something similar happened to me in a past relationship. we were kissing and i wasnt interested in having sex, a few minutes later i was trying to sleep but i felt the bed shaking. i turned over and he was reading something and jerking off. i was frozen until he finished, then i went to the bathroom and cried. it left me feeling insanely violated and i couldnt sleep. i couldn’t even be in the same bed with him without feeling disgusted. i ended up texting him a long message before going to bed around 4am about how violated i felt by what he did, and we had a long discussion about it the next day. i don’t remember much about the conversation but i do know i felt like i wasnt being heard or respected. it was ultimately a really negative relationship and i didnt realize until we separated how bad this situation was and how i should have broken it off sooner.
tl;dr: he could have had the respect for you to go to the bathroom or just hold off altogether but he didn’t. even if you don’t have trauma (i didn’t), it’s a violating thing to do to someone. have a conversation with him about it and gauge how he responds to what you should do next. potentially he didn’t realize, but that doesn’t excuse it. don’t stay with somebody that doesn’t respect you.
If it makes you uncomfortable a boundary needs to be communicated before it becomes a real issue. With your history you don’t need that kind of bullshit
Omg gonna play the victim for your twisted sex life.ive heard enough; your the problem
You reap what hat you sow. Woman ( yes she mean most ) take zero accountability always seaking affirmation that it couldn’t possibly be anything they did
It’s really normal to feel weird about this, especially when it hits close to home… I get that it’s not easy to talk about, but maybe setting some clear boundaries could help you feel more in control. Have you thought about how you’d approach the conversation if you decide to bring it up?
Kick him to the curb. You don’t need this nonsense in your life.
Im a man, and ive had male friends randomely jerk off from across the room ,when they’ve spent the night at my house …it did make me feel very awkward and very violated!🙃
It’s only been a year, just end it – you probably should of done this months ago. As far as your father goes, you should have counselling for that if not had already, that is messed up.