Yo so like I’m 14 and I want to go to this high school that’s quite far from my house because it has this French program thing. And if you can’t tell from the title my parents are divorced. Anyways I live with my mom and only visit my dad only weekends because to put it lightly he’s kind of not cool!! I won’t put the details since I’m sure no one gafs (if you ask I’ll tell you though) anyway basically if I had to rate him I’d give him 3.9/10 so yeah I don’t want to live with him!
The problem is earlier in the year my mom said she couldn’t drive me to that school but then my dad was all like “I’ll buy you a house near there!” He’s changed it to an apartment now but now my mom says she CAN drive me. But she’d have to mess up her work schedule a lot so I don’t really want her to drive me since I’m scared she’ll overwork herself or whatever. But my dad already only pays half of the child support he agreed to and now he says if I go live with him he’ll take away 500$ from the child support, yikes!!! My mom might get laid off due to tariffs soon so I think she’ll really need the money.
Blah blah blah anyways what should I do chat 😣😣😣 also I don’t really want to go to the school at this point because my dad has been stressing the living shit out of my this past year because of my school choice but I’m not sure how I can change which school to go to now since it’s already summer and also also my dads a guilt tripper and I can already imagine (actually he’s already doing now smh) if I say I don’t want to live with him he’ll talk some shit about how he wants to disown me and what not which is the main reason i can’t chose
Oh also my dads not like some struggling broke guy who needs the money form child support he makes upwards of 25k a month and the apartment is 1800 a month
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If you’re a boy go to mum
If your a girl go to dad
I think you need to focus on being the child in this situation, and make your choice based only on what would make you happy. It’s your parents’ job to handle the stress and make the final decision. Sounds like there will be pros and cons either way, so just do what is best for yourself in the long run. Stay safe and enjoy being young while you can.
Are you sure it’s not too late to switch school? If I were you I would just go to a school near where your mom lives.
I think you wanting to go to this school is causing problems for them, specifically mom. Either choice you make you inconvenience her or make her life difficult. I think you should reevaluate your level of desire to attend this school taking all that into account.
So if it was not for school, not for tariffs, not for guilt trips… who would you rather live with?
Take everything else out of the equation.Â
You should spend time with both parents. They should not have put you in this tug-of-war situation. You should love both parents.Â
But go where you will feel less stressed.Â
I don’t think you should move in with your dad.
I want to start off by saying I am extremely sorry for your situation, and you could dm me more details about this and the specifics if you would like I’ll listen to you and try to help you.
Your dad already changed from house to apartment and added the string of 500$ less on child support he doesn’t really pay. You also hint at him being super bad in general. I think more strings are going to get attached along the way and I foresee you possibly finding yourself in a situation where your forced to live with your dad when you wish you didn’t have to, I feel like there’s a super high chance you can end up getting real Major depressive disorder if that happens.
Sometimes you’ll have to make sacrifices in life. Your mom is already struggling and you can’t have her drive you because it’ll hurt her schedule too much, going with your dad isn’t worth it either because it has strings attached… High school isn’t the most important phase of your life, I think your going to have to sacrifice your dream school because you just don’t have good options that align with going to it.
If possible I also highly recommend talking to your mom about getting the court’s involved for child support unless there is a possible heavy repercussion.
I wish you the best OP
You like your mom, your dad is a source of stress. Everything else aside, you want to live with your mom, so live with your mom.
Everything else can be sorted out, you’re being too considerate of everyone else’s feelings to the point that yours are getting lost in the chaos.
Look at another way to achieve the thing that the French school thing would give you, there’s usually a lot of decent different paths for education and the program does not seem to worth this much trouble.
Stay with your Mom and work out the things you need for school. Your dad will drive you crazy if you live with him full time.
Some questions to consider. I always suggest to my kids to write out the pros and cons. What does the French school give you vs your current school? Will it help your future schooling choices? Where do you see yourself after high school? Living with mom vs dad? Your current friend groups? It helps make decisions.
Who makes you feel the safest
It seems like you already know what decisions you want to make regarding where you live. Really think about your values, what matters to you in the day to day and in the long run. The school has a French program- which is great! But in choosing that school you most likely have to live with dad which doesn’t seem like it would benefit you. Whatever you choose, your dad will still have his feelings about it, so will your mom. So in the end, what will set yourself up for success? Success in schooling, success in having a safe (emotional and physical) place to rest your head. Success in having love and support around you. Have divorced parents is such a painful situation to navigate most times, especially when you don’t have all the tools you need on your own. Whatever the adults feel and say is their own choice, but you can also practice being compassionate towards yourself and practice not letting what they say when escalated get in the way of you living a life you believe worth living. I hope this tid bit helps you feel more confident in your choice. Sending strength and confidence your way!
I think you get what you get and don’t throw a fit. (Aka attending whichever school your mom
CAN take you to). You can learn French at any high school?? Your dad’s an ass, that seems like an obvious end to that route. Like a shitty home is not worth whatever program you’re interested in. And you shouldn’t burden your mom with trying to keep you in her house by competing with an unrealistic and probably false statement from your dad that he could make that happen for you.
Honor your mother’s dedication to you by appreciating what you can have in her house instead of fantasizing about your shitty dad being your hero. (Imagine that stress multiplied by him being your primary caretaker).
Side note: I wonder if she should go back to court, if he makes that much she should pursue more $$. I wonder if she can mention the fancy school as a reason she needs more… 🤔
If he can afford to just get you guys a new house couldn’t he afford to let you uber to and from school?
Stay with your Mom. Your Dad isn’t a good man and he’s only saying this to stop the child support. Talk to the school, maybe they have carpools or other transportation options.
Here’s what you do. Stay with your mom and go to the school that’s closer to mom. When you are able to get your drivers license and own vehicle, then you could transfer schools, still live with mom and drive yourself to the school you want. I’m sure the French program (if it’s a good one) should still be available when you are of age and ability to drive yourself.
Sorry you’re going through this tough time with deciding on YOUR life and not wanting to make it harder on either parent. I lived my whole life going back n forth between households and it really sucked. You will get through this. But for your situation right now to avoid the most stress and hard times, sacrificing your want to go to a school with a program you have interest in won’t be the worst thing for you.
But follow your gut and if you run into any other scenario, there’s always answers for you. Best of luck with your decision.
Live with mom and take on line French classes!