Hello Reddit, I made this alt because my fiancée still has my main and I don’t want her to really read this, but actually what the fuck
Me and my fiancée have been together for 5 years, she proposed to me 6 months ago and we’ve already been wedding planning for a beautiful wedding in November, but last night we were just hanging out after dinner when she told me that ‘she needed to confess something’, apparently she’s been talking to multiple men ever since she proposed to me and she’s even slept with a few because she was ‘scared about settling down with a woman’ and that ‘she couldn’t help her bisexuality’
I have heard every stereotype in the book about bisexuals because I’m fully a lesbian. I looked past every one of these biphobic stereotypes only to have it bite me in the ass and now I feel like such a fool.
I love my fiancée this woman has my entire heart, I gave her every part of me, but what the hell am I supposed to do? She was fucking other men and then coming home and doing me? That is so disgusting I just can’t.
Is it worth it to just call everything off? Or is it worth trying to salvage? Is this normal amongst bisexual people? I’m just so heartbroken and sad, I’m at a friends place rn because I couldn’t stay home and I just wanna cry
Comments
Id call it off, she stepped out of the boundary of the relationship. that isnt sexuality thats respect for you and she failed the test.
She cheated. That’s not about being bi it’s about breaking your trust. You deserve better
Not normal at all, sexuality is not an excuse for being a lying, cheating, piece of trash. Gtfo and find someone who knows how to commit to monogamy. I’m really sorry that you went through this.
Do you want to be married to a cheater? That’s exactly what and who she is.
First of all, I am very sorry for you. That really sucks. If you really love a person, you don’t need to sleep with someone to make sure. At least that’s how I feel about it. The sexuality should not be an excuse for that. Does she find her behavior justified, even after you have told her how you feel about it?
I just read the title, but you obviously break up immediately
It doesn’t matter what sex her affair partner was. She didn’t have consent to step outside the bounds of your relationship.
That’s like me sleeping with another man other than my husbands and saying “it’s just my sexuality”
Call it off. Set yourself free. Your future self will thank you.
You absolutely don’t want to wake up ten years from now, married to this person and wishing you’d walked away a decade sooner.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. 🚩🚩🚩
I am bisexual and married to a man. We have been together for 11 years and I have never cheated on him with another woman. Some bisexuals just give us a bad rep.
I think you should leave her. You deserve someone who won’t cheat on you!
My advice continues to be to dump cheaters
No matter how many times a question on their partner cheating is asked on this subreddit my advice will continue to be to dump the cheater
It doesn’t matter what what their sexual preferences bottom line she cheated on you and she used it as an excuse to do so
I would say for your own mental health and safety. You need to break up with her because this is going to be a continuing pattern habit that she will do what will be her next excuse that she does this the other thing I suggest is that you get an STD test to make sure you she didn’t bring anything back in our repeat it doesn’t matter if you straight gay bisexual it’s still cheating and why would you want to tolerate that?
Well, I’m married to a bi woman. We have negotiated a relationship with some openness.
Your girlfriend wants an open relationship. She has cheated and wants to continue to explore.
What should you do here ?
Well… do you want to be in an open relationship?
It sounds like the answer is no.
I’m sorry this is so hard
I think everyone should get premarital counseling but especially you two. Counseling can help you break up better as well – assuming your lives are quite entwined.
Cheating is cheating. It doesn’t matter if she’s gay, straight, Bi or other, it is not a valid excuse and I would call it off unless you are happy to have an open relationship.
Break up with her
“just her sexuality” the level of gaslighting ! Run, run far and run fast. Run for your sanity and your mind, body, and soul ! Leave now !
Run. You know it. She’s a cheater and always will be one now. She wants to act single? She can do it single. Go and find someone better OP.
Doesn’t matter what her sexuality is….she cheated. Time to leave bro.
Being bi doesn’t make someone cheat. Just because she’s attracted to both men and women doesn’t mean being bi makes her want both.
Even a straight or gay person can have multiple partners if that’s what they want.
Is it worth it to call everything off? No! It’s a MUST!!! If you marry her she will keep doing it.
Cheating has nothing to do one’s sexual preferences.
Your fiancée cheated on you, hard stop. It may be time to rethink things.
sorry bro. dump her, shes testing the waters to see if youll let her get away with it. if you do she wont stop
You break up with her. Being bi does not automatically make you a cheater – it is absolutely not “part of the sexuality”, and people like this, using excuses like this, is exactly the reason biphobia is a thing – and it pisses me off.
She sucks. You can’t trust her. She doesn’t love or respect you enough to not betray you. I’m really very sorry about that – you deserve better.
I am sorry you experienced this. The only saving grace is that she did it before your wedding. The bisexuality is a cheap excuse and not even worth responding to. She cheated on you, her fiançè. If she had so little respect for you now, your marriage has basically failed before it even started. She is not going to change, she wants your loyalty and then all the dick she desires on the side. Unless you were going for a completely open marriage with the same privileges for both of you, call it off now and tell her to pack her things and get out of your life.
I didn’t know that “lying cheating bitch” was a sexuality.
no, put your foot down, this is not okey!
you can’t be sleeping around and blame on your sexuality… that’s not it works, you’re still human, she doesn’t sound very human though, call it off, she is for the beach, or whatever kids say these days, she’s trash.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Dump her, she will never change.
So what sex they are is kinda irrelevant here. That’s just her trying to rationalize hurting you. Worst yet, she proposed to you. Some people say they can forgive shit like this, but to me, things will always be different. If I’m in a committed relationship, I do anything I can to keep my girl happy. If they betray that trust, I just can’t forgive it. I actually don’t get how people can hurt the one they “love” like that. If she’s gonna use excuses like it’s her sexuality she shouldn’t be trying to settle down in a monogamous relationship.
Go jam some pub sluts and take some selfies to send to her and tell her it’s just a kink.
They should have experimented before meeting you, scared to commit why are they even in a relationship & wanting marriage if they don’t want to just be with you only. Bisexual isn’t an excuse to play around boundaries, respect, loyalty and trust has been fully broken. End things to find a love that won’t do this.
Does it matter if you are bisexual sexual? If your partner cheated on you, the gender doesn’t matter. Also, I wish people would stop saying whether they are gay or not. It doesn’t matter and being gay only matters if you are a politician running to be elected. That’s when that Christian nonsense comes out talking about gay nonsense. Just be yourself and love those who love you.
A cheater is a cheater, it doesn’t matter what flavor of sexual they are.
This is straight-up cheating not her sexuality dump her before the wedding turns into a bigger mess and find someone who respects you.
Ignore the sexuality part
I chose to fuck other girls because my wife is a white lady I wanted to try all the skin pigmentations.
Or but she has different hair than you
Or eye colour
It’s just all slumbering bullshit
Cheating is cheating
Being Bi has nothing to do with being faithful. If it was love then she wouldn’t cheat. If you do keep them then this is the get out of jail free card. Make sure they know what faithful, committed relationships are and their boundaries.
Think you should move forward on your own. You deserve better. Someone who’s going to give you there whole heart. Best of luck.
Tell them you’re breaking up – it was your conscience.
They don’t respect you and never will. This is such a deal breaker, wouldn’t trust them for anything.
Dump her ass. She needs to cheat with men, women, animals or anything else – then she needs to cheat. Blaming her sexuality is bullshit. Yeah, sorry love, you’re a brunette and I’m blondesexual too. Oh actually, I like redheads as well – guess I’m pan. #JustMySexuality.
Nope. Fuck that. Bye bye out the door.
Just answer this -Do you want to marry a cheater it’s simple she cheated she won’t stop Is that the life you want?
“What do I do?”
You grow a backbone, have some self respect and kick her to the curb? TF you mean “what do I do?”
you should try to get an mff threesome out of it. that would be awesome
Call it off. She’s going to apologize and say that it will never happen again, but it will.
Don’t marry a cheater. Don’t marry someone who makes excuses for their cheating that try to put you on the defensive for feeling cheated on. Dump this person. I know this is probably so hard, but be glad you found out before you actually got married.
She didn’t have the oves to negotiate with you which means communication is an issue and will only grow more problematic the longer you are together. Can’t even be truthful with herself, is confused, damaged.
Sorry for your broken heart!
I know plenty of bisexual people—men and women—who are faithful monogamous partners. I know several bisexual and pansexual people who are openly and unashamedly polyamorous (including a married couple, who’ve been openly poly together from the beginning of their relationship) but who remain faithful to one-another (in this case, “faithful” meaning they have well-established, agreed-upon-in-advance rules and expectations about how they go about their ethical non-monogamy). I’ve also known poly couples who’ve had their relationship shatter into an unsalvageable mess because of infidelity—deep betrayal related to breaking their rules and their partners’ trust.
Bisexual does not mean “carte blanche to cheat.” Poly doesn’t mean that either. Any kind of intimate committed partnership requires trust, openness, communication, and respect. Your fiancé has lied to you, hidden the truth, broken your trust and betrayed you on multiple occasions. And that’s before you are even married, in the early, normally passion-filled part of the relationship. How will she behave once your marriage reaches the point where it’s hum-drum, standard, comfortable and “boring?” I think you must know the answer by now, based on her actions.
If she truly loved or respected you, these dalliances with other people would’ve been something you both discussed at length long before any of them happened. You both would’ve known (and agreed in advance) exactly what was happening; how; where; with whom; what the “limits” were, etc. An excuse like “I was afraid if I asked you, you’d say no” doesn’t actually excuse anything at all. It is just further confirmation (not that you even need one, at this point) that she fully knew and understood that you would see this as a betrayal, but decided to go ahead and betray you anyway, because that’s what she wanted.
Your fiancé is not trustworthy. She’s shown you—explicitly—that her impulses and desires are a higher priority to her than you or your trust. That is not going to change just because you get married. Even if you feel like you could stomach a non-monogamous relationship, (which, for the record, is a terrible idea to try; I know a few “successful” poly relationships and marriages, but in those cases both people were openly and enthusiastically poly before they even started dating, and were dedicated to openness, transparency, and over-communication from day one of the relationship. A naturally-monogamous person trying to “grit your teeth and bear it” to accommodate a poly partner has never worked out in the long run, in my experience) your fiancé doesn’t care about ethical non-monogamy. Clearly she feels entitled to sleep with whomever she pleases, whenever the mood takes her, regardless of your feelings on the matter.
Doubtless when you end things with her she will attempt to paint a picture of you “unfairly” rejecting her on account of her bisexuality or polyamorous nature. I strongly encourage you to stand firm and make your stance clear: it’s not about her bisexuality or her polyamory. Rather, it’s about her betrayal and repeated breaking of your trust.
I’m sorry this was done to you. It’s not fair. I hope you can find the healing and peace that you deserve. Good luck.
I’m bi but in a 30 year marriage to a man. I’ve had crushes on female friends but I would never act on them because I wouldn’t cheat on my spouse, whichever sex they were. It’s not true that all bisexuals are promiscuous cheaters. You absolutely deserve better! Take back your acceptance of her proposal. If they can’t be monogamous, they can’t be a good spouse, period.
Take sexuality out of this equation. You know in your heart what is right and what is wrong.
A relationship is usually where two people agree to be together.
You can do whatever you want if you’ve discussed and agreed it with each other.
If one party does something without agreement or knowledge of the other like sleep with other people that’s cheating and breaks the trust in the relationship.
There is now no trust between the two of you. This wasn’t a one time thing it was on multiple occasions. It was done because they don’t want to marry. What was the purpose of confessing otherwise?
She’s using her sexuality as the reason for her cheating. Cheaters all have one thing in common they have egos that tell them they deserve it all. Why stay with someone that’s going to cheat? This impacts your health what if sh gives you an STD? She’s promiscuous that exposes your health and your happiness, do yourself a favor and move on otherwise you are choosing a lifetime of being cheated on.
Assuming you mean 11/25 like a month or two away. I would AT THE VERY LEAST postpone that date.
Real talk I’m a cis, straight, Christian, white man….who is a fairly big supporter of gay/lesbian relationships in our very conservative small community. So pardon my ignorance on the next part.
I assume you’re doing some kind of pre-marital counseling with the church or whoever is officiating your wedding yes? If so I would 100% bring this up there. What does marriage mean to your fiancée? Is it a fully monogamous relationship for life? If so why would she propose to you knowing she can’t do that with anyone (ok MAYBE an intersex person but those are a pretty small part of the population)?
If and I mean IF you proceed….everything needs to be on the table. If this is supposed to be an open marriage then….ground rules need to be set and not violated. If this is self sabotage (which IS a real thing especially if someone was mentally abused at some point into thinking they don’t deserve happiness) then I wouldn’t jump into it YET. I’d wait till a therapist clears her for the commitment.
Good luck to you both!
You know it wrong. She will continue to this throughout your marriage.
Stop normalizing cheating.
That’s called cheating and gaslighting.
It’s not normal, call it off. Not a bisexuality thing, it’s a cheater thing.
Bi person here married to another bi person and shes the sort of bisexual who gives the rest of us a bad name.
Its cheating full stop.
What you do is leave.
I would say sadly it’s all over. She lied and disrespected you.
It’s so gross that people use their sexuality as a reason to cheat. You’re either in a committed, monogamous relationship or you aren’t. She cheated or you agreed to this when you got together. Which is it? SHE CHEATED.
She’s bullshitting when she says it’s just her sexuality, because her sexuality is not relevant – she could’ve said that statement regardless of her sexuality and regardless of the gender of the people she cheated on you with. It sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to cheat.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this