I have grown up as a religious, perfect child. I am clever, good looking and people are proud of me. My parents love me and I love myself, my life is good. I have a boyfriend of 3 years and am doing church work next year in Namibia to which I will stay over there for a couple of years and then return home.
I’m gay as the title suggests and have always known, I spent a lot of time trying to deny it (hence the boyfriend of 3 years) but I can’t pretend anymore. I live in a country where homosexuality is not accepted and my parents are Japanese so they have been incredibly vocal about their lack of support of homosexuals. I wish I had just told them ages ago before they began to love me so much but it can’t be helped.
I am going to tell them and then leave forever, that is my decision and my mind is made up. They hate themselves for raising me this way and blame themselves so I just want to remove myself and let go, never contact them again. This is hard but there really is no other way. Once I leave for Namibia I have enough saved up to travel to an english speaking country, maybe the UK where I can settle down as I speak 4 languages so will hopefully be useful somewhere. My question: How do I approach this conversation which doesn’t make them hurt themselves or my dad hurt me, I know its tricky and nobody knows my parents but I barely do too so I’m asking any parents or carers to tell me how they would want their child to approach it, or just anyone who could help. Please I really need help. Ok, thanks
Comments
Tell them honestly but gently, focusing on your love and who you truly are. Acknowledge their beliefs but ask for their understanding. Prepare for tough emotions, and prioritize your safety and peace.
Dude why do you have a girlfriend and gay. Just come out already HIV is real
If you’re worried about physical violence I’d post them a letter from Namibia explaining everything. Don’t risk yourself.
Otherwise just be truthful and be yourself.
The best possible way to tell them
Is you just straight up tell them the ture that you gay
I would say ..
Mum Dad I am gay
Pls don’t blame yourself as it isn’t your fault
It just who I am
I understand if this hard for you to hear this
But this is just who I was mean to be
And then say I leave
If you don’t what to deal with them face one you can text them
Are you financially dependent on them? If you think they’re going to hurt you or there’s a good chance of yelling or violence, I just wouldn’t do it in person at all.
Is there any reason you need to “come out” to them at all, if you are moving to another country? It doesn’t sound like you want a relationship with them going forward, so why even bother? Just tell them you’re leaving. Or again, if they truly might get violent, don’t even do that. Just leave and write them a letter after the fact.
If you truly think your parents would hurt themselves or you because you were gay. Then there is absolutly nothing reddit can say to fix this.
Never tell them. Probably best to just cut then out if your life all together
Knowing your age would have been helpful. Regardless you stated that you’re concerned for your safety as you worry your dad will hurt you so here’s what you do. Just fucking leave and after you leave you write them a letter. Prioritize your safety. Let them know that their bigotry towards gay people has led you to decide to leave and never come back. Their bigotry has forced you to live in a closet and pretend to be someone you’re not. They didn’t really know you and they lose out on having a relationship with you because of their bigotry.
Also you’re going to have to send your beard boyfriend a big appology because he’s a victim too.
Lastly you say you’re doing church work. Have you considered how outing yourself will affect this job? You may want to plan this out better. Plan your life after this job. Do you know what you will need to gain citizenship in another country? What type of work visa if any you need? The time to plan is now. Good luck.