A few days ago my friend and I were hanging out because I’m leaving for college soon and wanted to hangout with her one last time. The night was going well, we were just hanging and watching movies when she paused and asked if I wanted to have sex. We did it and it was fun and both agreed it was a one time thing, but not a mistake. We went back to the way we were right after and nothing felt different, we both had a fun night.
Flash forward a day later, when we’re texting she seems less responsive and less excited to talk to me then normal, still sending me reels and texting, but like less.
Flash forward 2 days later, we texted like once and that’s it.
Flash forward to today and I haven’t heard anything from her in about 2 days. It’s making me a little sad and worried since she’s my best friend, I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to lose this friendship. I don’t know what happened, it seemed like nothing changed. I’m leaving really soon and I don’t want to leave with our friendship in a rough patch. Does any who’s been in this situation have anyway to help?
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Ignoring this won’t save your friendship. Speak up now because honesty is your only shot.
It’s pretty hard, if not impossible, to have sex with your best friend and expect things not to change.
No….
Find a way to talk to her either on the phone or in person and tell her all this. Have a conversation with her. Don’t let her just fade out of your life or ghost you without at least explaining herself or, at worst, saying goodbye.
I think this will be okay!
I have had similar happen before.
Usually when boundaries like this are passed its still a lot to process, and rather than say the wrong thing you dont say anything at all, this is especially common for women.
As long as you dont keep harassing her about it and just give her some space things will be okay.
If you make it weird it will be weird, eventually when she comes back around just say, ”hey its chill what happened dont even sweat it” and then move past it, you want them to think it wasnt a big deal, this will help them feel like they dont need to avoid you because theres no pain associated with it, it makes it easier.
You forget youre still the guy she really loves to be around, that doesnt go away and over time people will give in to what makes them happy, thats why I am confident yall will chat again. Just leave her be for a bit, I promise shes not just gone, shes just thinking about everything is all.
Probably felt something now is self sabotaging. It’s what women do, very backwards mindset for us men to understand but its what they do to essentially block you out and stop her getting feelings. Just not talk about it and self sabotage
It needs an honest discussion and then perhaps it could be saved.
Sex can shift the dynamic even when both people agree its just one time.’ She might be processing her feelings or unsure how to act now not out of regretbut confusion. If the friendship matters to you reach out honestly. Let her know you care about her and want things to feel normal again before you leave. Silence can make the distance worse honesty might help heal it
She probably had crush on you long time and because you weren’t initiating sex and probobly sex was not really that good she realized that you don’t match so she’s cutting you off
She’ll get over it. Treat it like you had a spat. Even apologise and she’ll protest that it was her fault. Give it time.
it’ll always be awkward now
Just talk to her about it. Ignoring the elephant is what makes it awkward. It’s kinda inevitable for vibes to shift with a platonic friend when you are intimate but I do think things can go back to baseline eventually. If you have everything out in the open and talk things through, you’re more likely to go back to normal once the dust settles. But being passive and not directly talking it out makes it more likely to fester. Talk it out so you can move past it.
It could be any number of reasons but more than likely. It’s just a little bit of awkwardness that will be gone in a week or two.
Like others have said, it’s possible she like she was more than a friend and this was her way of testing the waters. Do you like her as more than a friend?
Regardless, I would give it a few more days to make sure that she isn’t just busy or something and then have the honest conversation. Even if one of you has feelings, and the other doesn’t, you can get past it. My best friend and I did. We never had sex, but for a couple of years, we both knew that I wanted to be more and he didn’t. We were still able to be best friends all through college and for some time after. We are still friends and both happily married to other people.
Sex can ruin a lot of things if you can’t turn off the emotions.
Sex is complicated; you are sharing bodily fluids informing your sensitive system that those foreign liquids are okay. There’s that. The two of you became 1…it seems like she was curious and wanted to know what it felt like, and she probably doesn’t know how to respond or react. She might have a few girlfriends giving her awful advice. Send her the normal text messages and ask her how she is doing. Sex is kinda a huge deal.
You cant have s*x as friends, thats not how life is built to be. Maybe she regretted it, or maybe she begun appreciating you more (since there are studies that say people fall in love after having a sexual relationship). Maybe she liked you since before and thought it’d be good if she took that chance, but you were gonna leave anyway? Who knows. Maybe she didnt want to stay as friends.
You wrote you both agreed “it was a one time thing but not a mistake”. Whom of the two of you said it first?
She initiated the sex, did it come from her and you agreed, or did you say it and she agreed to save face?
From your description it really sounds as if the girl had feelings for you…
She probably wanted to have sex with you before you left. Chances are she is sad about you leaving and trying tondistance herself because she thinks it will help make it hurt less when you leave. Just tell her that just because you are leaving doesn’t mean your friendship needs to end. There are so many good ways to stay connected through the internet. Having 1 day a week where you guys “hang out” online would be a good way to maintain the friendship.
That or she just really wanted to see what fucking you was like before you left bc she finds you physically attractive, and now she feels weird about you but doesn’t care since you are leaving.
Really depends how close you 2 were. If you were very close, then probably the first, if more of casual friends, then probably the second.
Good luck
Tbh. She’s probably going through the same emotions you are.
I’ll be honest with you. It’s probably not possible to go back to the way things were. I was in a similar situation and had sex with my best friend after 10 years. We were fine at first but slowly stopped talking less and less. I got a gf then she got a bf and we talked even less now she’s married with kids and I’ve been with my gf for 7+ years and we maybe say happy birthday to each other once in awhile. The problem is when I met my now gf I wanted to be open and honest with her and told her that my best friend and I had hooked up when we were drunk one night. It caused issues at first but she got over it. It definitely made me take a step back and talk to my best friend way less though. It’s going to complicate things either way is all I’m trying to say.
I wouldn’t force it. Just give her space. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll talk. Let her initiate. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to say nothing at all.
Maybe she wants you to text her to let her know where your head is at. Maybe she has feelings for you and is super confused on what to do, and doesn’t want to seem clingy
So your name is “thehighking” so I have to ask if drugs were involved? More specifically you offered her drugs she had never done.
Guessing she’s down/depressed you’re leaving