My husband works a “9-5” Monday through Friday job and we own a business that we sometimes have to do work in the evening after the kiddo goes to sleep and every weekend. So yes, I know he “works” every day and is tired. I understand this. His complaint is he sees his kid for maybe an hour a day, during the week. But during that hour, he’ll mostly be on his phone during that time, instead of engaging with his child. It infuriates me and I’ve had conversations about it before, but it does nothing but lead to arguments about how “hes never on his phone” or “he deserves some down time” or “hes not feeling well”. I’m a stay at home mom. I do EVERYTHING around the house, including taking care of our child and business and get no respite. No break. Am I going crazy for no reason? Or do I have a legitimate bitch?
My husband complains about not seeing his kid, then doesn’t engage…
r/Advice
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You’re not crazy your frustration is valid. He says he wants more time with his kid, but he’s not actually present when he gets it, and that’s hard to watch when you’re carrying everything else. You deserve support and a real break too. It might help to calmly set boundaries and suggest small, phone‑free routines with the kid, so he can actually connect instead of just being in the same room.
Nah, ur def not cray-cray. IMO, quality > quantity. He needs 2 drop that phone and be in the moment with his kid. Totally legit grievance. 🙌💯 Sounds like u guys gotta hash out how downtime is allocated in the fam. All work no play ain’t fair 2 anyone, ‘specially 4 u.✌️👊
you have a completely legitimate gripe with this guy.
This can be me sometimes (with the kids, not never giving my wife a break). It’s not because I don’t want to spend time with my kids but because I’m so mentally exhausted after a long week that I can’t think straight.
But I also enjoy spending time with them in ways my wife thinks can be wastes of time, like movies and video games. But me and the kids love them so I don’t think they’re a waste.
Try separating yourself from the issue. If he complains just say “ you chose how to spend your time” and end the conversation.
And remember that you two are in the thick of it with young children and that it’s hard for every couple.
But if he’s like me, I’d love to spend more time with my kids during the day but by the time night rolls around, dinner has been made, kitchen cleaned, laundry folded, etc. sometimes all I can do is sit on a couch.
He should definitely work on being more present during his time with them though.
Unfortunately this is just what happens when we’re living the “american dream” You wanna spend time with the kids but you’re tired, you have a day off but don’t because you gotta get stuff done, it never ends, for either. You could move on, find someone more engaging, he could quit his job and find a better one, focus on the family more. There are solutions to this but some take sacrifice.
What you’re describing is a classic mismatch between stated values and actual behavior, and it’s a very real source of resentment for many couples.
Your husband says he misses time with his child, but when the opportunity is there, he disengages. Phones, fatigue, and excuses become easier than the emotional effort of being present, but that leaves you carrying the load of both the visible work (house, child, business) and the invisible work of holding the family together.
One engaged hour a day is not an impossible standard; it’s the bare minimum for a father who says he wants to be involved.
The problem I see here is that things don’t appear to be very equal.
He works, but you also work on a business.
So you’re both working.
But on top of that your responsibilities are also everything at home, plus a child and all that that entails.
His responsibilities are work and sitting with your child ..And that’s it?
You’ve had this conversation with him before, and it’s not resolved.
I think you need to sit down and graph this out.
Write a list of your responsibilities in a list and on the other side write his.
Remember to include any of the house chores that he does and absolutely go to town to make sure that he is represented properly against your list. This isn’t about building a case against him, this is just about simply showing him the inequalities that exist.
You could do this by the amount of time as well that you spend on certain chores and do a nice pie chart for that. And then equally do one for him.
Now sit down with him and communicate what you’ve done, that you feel that he doesn’t understand what you’re trying to communicate, and that it’s causing a high level of frustration for you and that it is a problem that needs solving.
Tell him that you’ve written everything down and charted it so that you can communicate it pictorially.
Tell him you don’t want to talk about it right now, but that you just want to give him this information to have a think about and that you’d like him to help you both find a better way forward together and you’d appreciate his analysis.
Leave room for him to add items.
Asking him for his help in solving this problem is the way you are going to frame this.
You give a man a problem and tell him you need help, and he’s going to do it.
You go at him complaining, and all he’s going to do is hear a wall of noise.
Let him find solutions for your problem.
Pick a date where you are going to sit down and communicate over the results together. You’ll need a way to measure progress, and you can do that by regular check-ins.
Then see what happens when you sit and talk together. If necessary, do it via a third party like a counselor or therapist.
I lived with a man like this, And eventually we divorced. Give this a go and I wish you all the luck.
Nah, sis, ur complaint’s totally valid. Man’s got an issue tht he’s not owning up to. Maybe he’s tired or finding parenting hard, but his phone time is taking away from his kid. We all need r&r, but kiddo hours ain’t the time for it. Stand ur ground, and demand tht family time is respected. u ain’t crazy, ur just lookin for some team effort! 💪👏👨👩👧👦