I built a house and have housemates(paying considerably cheaper rent) living with me as I work away, and prefer someone to be at the house for security and the extra money is extra coin in my pocket at the end of the day.
I’m a single guy, late 20s and work away in a well paying job. I’ve got a couple living with me and I’m nervous I’ve overshot the mark by removing the lead to the theatre TV where they spend majority of their time while I’m away at work.
For context, they have their own bathroom and end of the house and I havent cooked for myself or watched anything in the theatre for over 12 months as I feel I shouldn’t need to ask for use of the kitchen or theatre when I’m home. I understand it’s their house too, they pay to live there and I spend majority of my time outside in the shed working on whatever projects, drinking beers and smokin cigarettes.
However whenever I want to cook or use the theatre I would have to ask for them to move somewhere else and its driving me insane, so I remove myself and go to the shed, even if I have guests.
I am the only one that looks after outside. Whether it be mowing lawns, pruning trees, weeding gardens, picking up leaves or maintaining retic sprinklers, everything. I often mop floors, unstuck the dishwasher, dust or whatever just to keep the house in a tidy, respectable fashion. I don’t know how often they do this as I work away but it seems to be the same state as when I lived alone.
I pulled the plug to the TV in the theatre(still have a nice loungesuite) and hid it before I went to work as I believe that’s the reason nothing is being achieved in the house. They cook tea and leave dishes and whatever else in the sink with oil all over the benches and make it a nuisance to use while they’re watching TV in the theatre(they do clean up before bed but that’s after when I’d like to eat).
Their bathroom is always full of her beauty stuff and whatever all over the vanity which have the sole use of. I understand she’s a woman and they need this stuff to doll themselves up, look after their skin, whatever, and that’s fine, but why can she not put them away and remove the coffee cups, open blocks of chocolate, hair clips, hair removal etc stuff and put it away. I have gone to others house instead of inviting them over because I’m house proud and don’t like people using the bathroom/toilet in the state it’s in.
I cannot imagine what the house looks like while I’m away so I try not to build an image. Theyre nice people but have never accepted responsibility for anything. “Bins not being full enough to take out” so they stink the property out, ‘Forgetting bin day’ etc. Theres always an excuse and I’m starting to think im being taken advantage of. Please give some guidance because they’re really nice people, but I have given years of my life away for this house, and to have it not respected for the relatively cheap price they’re paying seems a bit of a joke.
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I built a house and have housemates(paying considerably cheaper rent) living with me as I work away, and prefer someone to be at the house for security and the extra money is extra coin in my pocket at the end of the day.
I’m a single guy, late 20s and work away in a well paying job. I’ve got a couple living with me and I’m nervous I’ve overshot the mark by removing the lead to the theatre TV where they spend majority of their time while I’m away at work.
For context, they have their own bathroom and end of the house and I havent cooked for myself or watched anything in the theatre for over 12 months as I feel I shouldn’t need to ask for use of the kitchen or theatre when I’m home. I understand it’s their house too, they pay to live there and I spend majority of my time outside in the shed working on whatever projects, drinking beers and smokin cigarettes.
However whenever I want to cook or use the theatre I would have to ask for them to move somewhere else and its driving me insane, so I remove myself and go to the shed, even if I have guests.
I am the only one that looks after outside. Whether it be mowing lawns, pruning trees, weeding gardens, picking up leaves or maintaining retic sprinklers, everything. I often mop floors, unstuck the dishwasher, dust or whatever just to keep the house in a tidy, respectable fashion. I don’t know how often they do this as I work away but it seems to be the same state as when I lived alone.
I pulled the plug to the TV in the theatre(still have a nice loungesuite) and hid it before I went to work as I believe that’s the reason nothing is being achieved in the house. They cook tea and leave dishes and whatever else in the sink with oil all over the benches and make it a nuisance to use while they’re watching TV in the theatre(they do clean up before bed but that’s after when I’d like to eat).
Their bathroom is always full of her beauty stuff and whatever all over the vanity which have the sole use of. I understand she’s a woman and they need this stuff to doll themselves up, look after their skin, whatever, and that’s fine, but why can she not put them away and remove the coffee cups, open blocks of chocolate, hair clips, hair removal etc stuff and put it away. I have gone to others house instead of inviting them over because I’m house proud and don’t like people using the bathroom/toilet in the state it’s in.
I cannot imagine what the house looks like while I’m away so I try not to build an image. Theyre nice people but have never accepted responsibility for anything. “Bins not being full enough to take out” so they stink the property out, ‘Forgetting bin day’ etc. Theres always an excuse and I’m starting to think im being taken advantage of. Please give some guidance because they’re really nice people, but I have given years of my life away for this house, and to have it not respected for the relatively cheap price they’re paying seems a bit of a joke.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I’m overstepping the mark as a housemate/landlord by removing their right to the theatre tv. Especially when I work away
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Yikes, sounds like you’re in a bit of a roommate nightmare! You’re doing all the hard work, like a one-man cleaning crew and yard maintenance team, and meanwhile they’re living their best life in your theater room, leaving dishes to breed in the sink. Honestly, I get where you’re coming from it’s hard to maintain peace when you’re the only one holding the fort.
But removing the TV plug? That’s a bold move, my dude. You could have maybe just… told them how it’s bothering you? Communication might save you from having to go full “master of the house” on them. The bathroom situation is rough though everyone should be able to leave their stuff around a little, but it sounds like there’s some serious clutter creeping in. Maybe try talking to them about it (without starting World War III)? You deserve respect for everything you’ve done, but they might not even realize they’re dropping the ball.
You’re not the asshole, but pulling the TV plug without a conversation comes off passive-aggressive. You’re offering them cheap rent, and it’s fair to expect basic respect for the space—especially if you’re still doing most of the upkeep. I had roommates once when I was barely home due to work, and I ran into the same issue: they got too comfortable, treated the place like theirs, and I ended up cleaning more than I ever did living alone. A direct conversation helped. Just lay out what needs to change if they want to keep that good deal.
You need to have a straightforward talk with them. Something like: “I feel like I’m being pushed out of my own home. I shouldn’t have to ask to use the theatre or kitchen when I’m here, and I need you guys to be more responsible with cleaning and general upkeep. I don’t mind that you have your space, but it has to be fair.”
YTA. They are renting from you, not house sitting. What does your contract say? Does it say they must vacate the tv and kitchen when you’re home? Does it say that they can’t have any proof in the bathroom they live there? Does it say no dishes out at all ever? I’ll give you the trash should go out every week.
You are the owner you are responsible for the maintenance of the house and lawn unless otherwise noted in your rental agreement. They live there, having stuff is perfect reasonable. If your OCD and controlling nature can’t handle that, then get a more strict contract or don’t have roommates.
NTA it’s your house and you’ve been patient. But instead of passive moves like hiding the TV lead, have a direct convo about respect and shared space. Boundaries are fair.
YTA. Your post is entirely full of assumptions about what they could or should do, but nowhere do you mention sitting down for household meetings, agreeing a list of how chores should be split across the people living together, collaborating on a calendar so everyone gets fair use of the theatre, etc. You’re expecting them to be mind-readers and exist the exact way you expect and want without, it seems, ever using your actual words.
YTA As the home owner and landlord the home maintenance is on you, that’s why people rent, to not do yard work and for someone to unclog the dish washer.
They should clean the spaces that are theirs and communal and absolutely take out their garbage.
You should not be going into their private spaces. You don’t get a say in whether they have cosmetics all over their bathroom. It shouldn’t effect your ability to have guests because your guests should not be in their bathroom.
If you have rented this space to them as there private area and yet are going in there or letting your guests use it, you’re violating their privacy.
And taking the cord to the TV when you’re going to be away and not using it is so petty you’re acting like a controlling parent. Especially since it seems like you don’t bring it up when you want to use the space, only when you’re frustrated. They are right, if you want to watch that TV or have your friends over, communicate that.
OP, I know how frustrating it is to have a home that is your pride and joy and then invite in roommates only to have them not do what you want them to do. Like you, I can support my home just fine without the extra income; I use it to bolster by savings, investments and vacation funds if I want to go crazy. Further, I like the company (hate living alone) and since I occasionally travel for work, it gives me a built-in babysitter for my Pit Bull while I am away.
Frankly though, it sounds like a chat with them is in order. You do not need to be aggressive with them and make demands; that will just aggravate the situation. However, it is okay to be assertive – sit them down in a neutral room (like around the dining room table), lay out your complaints and ask them what they feel are equitable solutions. Negotiate and come up with solutions that everyone can live with. For instance, on the yard maintenance and cleaning the house, tell them if you all can’t come up with a solution you are going to have to raise the rent because you’ll have to bring in a lawn maintenance crew and housekeepers). If they are okay with the rent increase, then do it. Designate certain nights where each of you are “king of the lounge” and what happens in your theater is up to whomever night is the king, and so on.
As far as the bathroom I am assuming from your post that it is the “guest” bathroom that is for general use by guests as well as them. There you do have a legitimate complaint; however, you may be reduced to just telling them that if you are having guests they need to make sure it is clean. Unless they are creating a demonstrable health or safety hazard or are damaging your property, you don’t have a whole lot of recourse (but if you get a housekeeper that problem can be solved).
Most importantly, if you don’t have one now – get them to sign a lease! Without one you have no legal recourse if things go south and will find it extremely difficult (and expensive) to get rid of them – especially if they have listed your address on anything official and they have a piece of mail to themselves at that address!
Living with other people can be hard; especially when your name is on the title and deed alone and you take pride in that home as an accomplishment. But through some cooperation, agreements and setting of expectations, it can be rewarding.
Good luck!
NTA but I hope you learned something from this. This is why you don’t rent the rooms in your house out to couples. They will take over your house and you’ll feel pushed out. Rent to single people in the future.
If you wanna live alone, then do so.
YTA.
NTA Put up cameras and give them notice to vacate. Why deal with peoples messes in your own home.
YTA – you are renting/sharing your home with them. They are going to have differenet values than you. You are being petty by hiding the cord for the TV.
Have you sat down and discussed with them the rules you expect renters to live by? Also, saying they are getting cheap rent IS ALL ON YOU! Set the rent higher if you think they are underpaying, but it doesn’t sound like you are the type who can rent out a place. Forget the extra coin in your pocket, get some smart controls for your lights – so it looks like someone is home, and stop renting.