I’m 16f and he’s 18m. How do I tell him this in a way where he won’t be mad at me about it or take it personally/in a negative way? I don’t feel ready to yet and he’s kind of making me feel a little pressured to. He’s my first boyfriend and has been my first kiss.
Maybe it’s just because I’m feeling a little nervous about it since I’ve never had sex before or have done anything sexual before at all. I want to with him, but I want to do it once I feel more comfortable with him. I think he’s really attractive and I feel like horny and aroused/turned on with him.. so it’s not anything to do with that and I don’t want him to think it is, I just don’t know if I really feel ready to do this yet.
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Maybe you don’t feel ready because you feel pressured. I’m 34, I don’t know how many times I had sex but what I know is that I won’t have sex if I feel pressured to do it, that’s just not enjoyable.
You have absolutely no control about he getting mad or not. You just tell him you don’t feel ready yet. If he gets mad, he’s not the one.
Be honest and direct that you don’t feel ready. If he gets upset or offended that is a sign of immaturity from him. Don’t let him or anyone else pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with. The choice is yours and you don’t need a justification. A man of good character would respect your feelings and support you.
Just tell him you’re not ready. If he’s gonna flip out about it then you shouldn’t even be with him anyway. That would also signal to me that he’s just in it for the sex. So honestly I would just shut down the idea of sex sooner rather than later to see if he really wants you for you or to just use you.
if he gets mad that you don’t want to have sex please break up
Then don’t, your body your choice. Don’t let anyone pressure you, if they push drop them you get to choose no one else.
He’s already 18 and a pedophile because he is dating you still.
Also nah don’t have sex until you’re comfortable with it if he pressures you just call the police
Both of you have to be ready… it is a shared decision.
Here is a link to a post I wrote the other day about sex as a “place” we go to with another person … maybe it will give you some ideas to share with your boyfriend. And your boyfriend can read it also.
https://www.reddit.com/u/Expensive_Magician97/s/jBSH56Sk4s
You just tell him that you are not ready for sex yet. If he really likes and cares about you, he will wait until you are ready. If he is not taking no for an answer then dump him. Pressuring, badgering, cajoling you into having sex when you are not ready is not a sign or caring or respect.
No is no. Period.
Well, there’s always going to be a little uncertainty until you actually go for it, but it’s clear you simply aren’t there yet which is totally okay.
He will not take it well, there is no avoiding it he’s a horny boy who loves you. However, make it known that you want to have sex with him, but you’re too in your head about it and it isn’t the right time for you. There is nothing he is doing wrong or could be doing better, this is about your journey with your own sexuality. His support and patience will help get you there faster than his pressure. Something like that should soften the news at least a little for him. However, he will want to talk about this with you, and it’s important for you to not confuse his desire for discussion about it as direct pressure for it.
Communication that is open and direct is always the best way to approach vulnerable subjects.
If you don’t feel ready, then don’t. If your bf pushes you, dump him. He is NOT a good guy. Anyone who cares for you will not treat you like a sex object.
If you have a chat with him and he gets mad then I wouldn’t be sticking around too much longer.
If he can’t understand that a 16yo isn’t ready then there is something wrong.
Listen to yourself, you’re not ready yet, he has to wait, otherwise let him go, it’s normal to be excited, that doesn’t mean your body is ready.
Emotionally you have to be completely ok, that’s not the case…
Dont do it.
I’m going to be the old person here. He’s too old for you. He’s graduated or graduating high school and you have 2 more years left. He’s going off to college or working full time and you’re still in high school. I would date someone my own age who is at the same point in life who is just as nervous about sex as I am.
Been there. I eventually gave in even though I didn’t want to. I regret it to this day. If you’re not ready don’t do it. If he can’t wait and not make you feel pressured he isn’t worth it. In my case after I gave in that’s all he wanted. I had to break up with him over it.
Had an answer just by the title. Don’t ever do something you’re not comfortable with doing. If your friend asked you this what would you say? If someone felt uncomfortable by you wanting to do this would you not go through with it and tell them it’s okay?
You’ll feel a lot better in the future by sticking to what’s right for you than giving in to someone else’s wants.
You may feel some guilt over saying no but again, you’ll feel a lot better about that. Don’t ever give in to someone just because it’ll make them happy or you don’t want to lose them.
Someone who actually cares about you wouldn’t be upset over something like this.
Anytime someone didn’t like me saying no to their wants I knew right then and there that they did not care about me. Anytime I gave in I regretted it and beat myself up for it.
It’s been years and those feelings don’t follow me anymore. But it took years for me to forgive myself and not let that ever happen to me again.
You have a whole life ahead of you. You’ll meet many new people.
Don’t stay in a toxic relationship.
You might feel heartbroken but you’ll heal in time. I promise. You’ll find better.
Don’t let yourself get trapped and potentially pregnant. You don’t want to be stuck with this person for the rest of your life.
Also it’s illegal depending on where you’re at
When I was your age, my gf was also a virgin. She wasn’t ready, so we waited. Almost 1.5 years until she was. Because it was her body, and her choice.
If hes not comfortable going at your speed, ditch him and find someone who is. He shouldn’t be pressuring you or getting upset if you say no-if he across cared about you.
If you don’t feel the time is right, then don’t!
What YOU want matters, OP, and it matters more than pleasing him.
You are worried about legitimately concerning concerns:
You are only 16, and in my opinion, not old enough to enjoy it. Don’t do anything you think you might not enjoy. It should not be the result of pressure. Like, if he had to, he’s not the guy.
It’s a special rite of passage, a before and after, that hopefully is joyful and safe.
With enough lube, it shouldn’t hurt, but it could if your hymen is intact or hasn’t totally broken away.
You want a boy who cares about these things and who also is willing to work on his clit stim/oral game too, because some women physically can’t orgasm by PIV, like 80%!
Hold out for someone who wants you to have enjoyable and safe sex, when you feel safe doing it. In college, or whenever.
Protection and bc is mandatory and discussing what will happen if you both got each other pregnant. Otherwise, you are not mature enough to have sex.
If he cares about you, then he will respect your wishes. If he gets angry, it shows he only wants you for sex and when he can’t get it he will be upset. That’s the time you tell him goodbye. Don’t go against what you think is right for yourself. You have plenty of time later.
When YOU are ready, then you are ready.
A potential partner would be understanding if you’re not at that point yet. If they get mad/frustrated/try to coerce/pressure you may need to reevaluate the situation.
Also. If you decide to start and you become uncomfortable or you want it to end – you can withdraw consent at any point.
Please be safe.
Very simple. You express that, and then listen to his response. Love is about selflessness. All your needs are always met in a mutually selfless love… it’s what it’s all supposed to be about. If he is going to push the issue it’s not about you as a couple, only a selfish want and need. Besides,growing closer and better understanding in a mature relationship can only make it that much better and passionate! Longing isn’t a bad thing.
If you don’t feel ready, you are not ready. Please don’t do it. Just because you are attracted to someone doesn’t mean you should have sex with them. If he gets mad or upset because you say no then he definitely is not the right person.
If you don’t feel comfortable w the thought of it it won’t be enjoyable during so that ruins it for you plus it’s your first time so it probably hurt extra extra bad I’d say ditch him if he keeps begging 👍
Just tell him that you’re not ready yet, that you want to wait until you’re sure. If he respects you, he’ll understand.
A boy who would get mad at you for not having sex with him when you’re not ready to isn’t the boy for you.
You deserve to be treated with respect, always. Don’t accept any less.
If he respects you and your boundaries, just tell him you are not ready and he should be supportive of your decision
Ok, so. You are not a legal adult.Therefore you cannot legally consent to sex if you live in the US. If he has sex with you he risks being charged with statutory rape depending on the laws where you live.
If hanging the law over his head doesn’t get him to rethink having sex with you before you are 18, then tell him that you aren’t emotionally ready for it. There is NO SHAME in that, and the fact that you know yourself well enough to know that this is something you may not be ready for is something to be proud of. It is a strength that will carry you through many tough decisions in the future.
Perhaps say something like “I know you want to have sex. I find you really attractive, but I don’t think I am ready to have sex yet. It is a big decision to take on the risk of becoming pregnant and it is one I don’t take lightly. I still love you, but I want to wait until I feel ready.”
If you tell him “no”, or “I don’t want to”, or “Not tonight”, or any other combination of words or phrases that indicate that you are anything other than completely enthusiastic about the imminent possibility of having sex with him, then he needs to stop whatever it is he is doing to you and say “Ok.” No whining. No pleading. No trying to convince you to change your mind. Because a “no” followed by an “ok” is still a no deep down.
You are allowed to say no and revoke consent for ANY REASON. And he needs to respect that. He is allowed to be disappointed and he is allowed to say he is disappointed, but trying to convince you to change your mind after you have already said no is not ok.
(P.s. If you are not on birth control then he needs to wear a condom during your first time. If you do decide to go on birth control in preparation for your first time, you need to take it every day at the same time for at least a week before you can safely have sex without risking pregnancy.)
tell him you wanna wait a bit, if he’s a decent human being he’ll understand. (overall if he’s decent he won’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want it yet.)
You can’t control his feelings so don’t think that what you tell him is the cause of him getting mad. If he does get mad over you not wanting to have sex with him while you’re 16 then he’s really not for you. He will brag about it if you do. Find someone your age who doesn’t put his feelings above yours and who is not looking to score points – on you and with his friends.
He’s such a monster, how dare he pressure you like that? You need to break up with him, he gives off serial killer vibes!
Then don’t.