Sometimes it’s just not the right time. Maybe money is tight, energy is low, or the social battery is drained. But saying no to plans can feel awkward, especially when people take it personally or push for an explanation.
It’s hard to find the balance between being honest and being kind without sounding like you’re making excuses.
What are some polite and respectful ways to turn down invitations without damaging relationships or coming across as rude?
Comments
“I appreciate the invitation, but I’m unable to attend.” A reason is not required.
Turning down invitations is not inherently rude, so if the people find it rude, it’s mostly on them, but you can just tell them you’re busy or you need to be home for some reason. You really don’t owe anyone an explanation, you can just say that you can’t make it, if they get upset, that is their problem
All you have to do is “RSVP with regrets.” All etiquette requires is that you reply with a decline that says “I regret that I cannot attend.” An explanation is neither expected nor necessary.
An invitation is not a summons or an invoice that requires a gift.
the key is to be clear, kind and closed ended (so you’re not leaving the door half-open for negotiation). something like …”I’m laying low and recharging a bit right now, but I hope you all have a great time!”
“I’m gonna pass, let’s catch up later”
“Honestly I just hit them with ‘I’d love to but I can’t this time, hope it’s fun tho!’ No long explanation, no guilt. If they respect you, they’ll get it. If not… that’s their problem.”
Accept that no matter what you do people might think it’s rude and that doesn’t actually make it rude. Be polite and respectful and if someone takes it personally it’s a them problem not a you problem.
Put it back on them: “Why do you need a reason?” They usually come up with something lame like “I just want to know you’re okay” in which case you say “Yep, I’m okay and I look forward to hanging with you another time!”
No social energy should always be accepted and not taken personally. I’d rather not go than go and complain the whole time. It’s an invitation for a pleasant time, so if I KNOW I won’t have a pleasant time, why would anyone want to force me to come? If they do, they can fk right off. That’s my policy.
“I’ve got other plans, so sorry. Rain check?”
Your other plans could be binge watching Netflix licking Cheeto dust off your fingers as you use your Golden Retriever as a footstool. They’re still plans.
Just be like “thank you so much for the invitation, im just not feeling social tonight though and am going to stay in.”
Thank you so much for the invite, but I can’t make it. I understand that it feels uncomfortable, but it doesn’t mean you’re being rude.
You don’t owe an explanation beyond a “no,” but there’s nothing wrong with just being honest about the reason. “Thank you for the invite, but money is tight right now,” or “I’d love to but I really just need a quiet night to recharge my batteries.” If people are making you feel guilty or awkward for turning down the occasional invite, they’re not people who are worth spending time with anyway.
I wouldn’t worry about coming across as rude, if they invite you and you don’t go they’re not going to invite you to anything again anyways.
Just be honest.
I usually just say something like, “Thanks for the invite, but I’m gonna sit this one out. Hope you have fun though!” It’s honest, polite, and keeps it chill without getting into too much detail. The right people will understand.
No thank you.
I just say “oh this weekend doesn’t work for me. Hopefully another time!”
“Hey, thank you for thinking of me. I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, so I’m trying to take a step back and rest when I can. I hope you have a great time!”
Im in my 30s and Ive really mastered the art of not giving a fuck lol I will say “No thank you” to any invitation.
Last week I was invited to a gender reveal party by a woman thats excited to be a grandma, and mind you I dont even know the couple. I told her ” Wendy I love you and Im here for you but with peace and love, Id rather put a camp fire out with my face then go to a gender reveal party” She laughed and I laughed and she said she totally understood. lol now of course some people would take that as me being rude lol that response isn’t for everyone and I wouldn’t say that to everyone. BUT know your people. This woman knows I care about her and our bond is good enough I can play with her with this type of thing. She also just knows Im not a social person.
With my best friend that invites me to her kids parties. I usually always say “thank you for the invite I cant make it but lets do something just the three of us on ….” I always follow up with a more private date with her and her kid. This way she knows that its not me ditching her but I just cant make it. She also knows that while I love her and her kid Im jsut not a party goer. I find it completely tedious to go to a party full of people I dont know or care about just to say hi to my friend for 5 minutes tops as she makes her rounds through her guests.
And yea I know, the world doesnt revolve around me and we should show up to support our friends! and I do! I have pleantly of times. But as im getting older Im just not apologizing for not wanting to go to a event. I also always say “keep inviting me” I let them know that I love them and want the invites but that doesnt mean I can make them all. And even if you dont have actual plans. I will straight up say “you know I’ve been super busy lately and just need this weekend at home enjoying my very expensive rent” lol people again laugh at that and also fully understand it.
I’m so sorry I have another commitment. I’m so sorry I’m just exhausted. I’m so sorry that doesn’t fit into my budget. I’m so sorry. I’m just not feeling up to it. I’m sure I can come up with more if I had to.
It’s tough because you want to take care of yourself but also don’t want to upset anyone. What I’ve learned is that if someone really values your friendship, they’ll understand that sometimes you just need to say no. You don’t owe people an explanation every time, setting boundaries is part of healthy relationships. It might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier the more you do it.
“As much as I would love to attend, I have a prior commitment.”
“Thank you for including me in your celebration/event/party! I will be unable to attend but I know you will have a great time. “
“Oh , I wish I could but I won’t be able to go! Another time!”
“No thank you”
“No, thank you” is a complete thought. It requires no further explanation. It may seem awkward at first because it seems like it’s just human nature to want/need to explain things. But you really don’t need to. You don’t need a reason to not want to do something and the only people being rude are those who continue to push an issue after you’ve politely declined.
“I would love to, but I have other plans. Are you open to scheduling something when the time is right?”
You might need to reword that depending on the specific invitation. There is a difference between a wedding and a concert, for example. There will be more concerts, but we hope this is the only wedding for this person.
“I really wish I could, but I can’t. I appreciate the invite and hope you have a good time!”
“Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I can’t make it this time. I hope you have so much fun. I’d love to catch up after * give a date you can actually catch up.*”
Sorry, I have other plans. Thanks for the invitation
I just say sorry but I have plans.