My boyfriend has been unemployed for about 8 months now. We’ve been together for about 3 years and moved in together not long after he lost his job, so I see much of his day-to-day life. He mostly watches TV/movies and plays games everyday, plus goes to the gym a few times a week. He also does his fair share of chores, and has been paying half of our rent out of his savings, so he’s not a mooch or anything.
The thing that has been increasingly bugging me is that he hasn’t done anything to improve himself, take up hobbies he’s expressed interest in, or make himself a better candidate for jobs in all this time. He literally stares at a screen for 99% of the day. I’ve tried to gently suggest that he get a certification or use this time to think more deeply about the kind of career he wants (he has been unhappy in the career path he’s been taking), maybe take up one of the creative hobbies he’s talked about being interested in, get a part time job or side hustle, or just do anything productive with even some of his ample free time.
I know part of this is jealousy/resentment because I would love to have so much free time and I know exactly which hobbies and passion projects I could dedicate myself to if I were in his position. I love improving myself and learning new things, and it seemed like something my partner was interested in too. He just always had the excuse of craziness at work for not really pursuing anything before this stint.
He is a great partner – thoughtful, kind, smart, and would do anything for me. It’s just hard for me to respect that he’s totally fine with basically doing nothing for 8 months of his life. I find myself getting discouraged and demotivated just being in this home atmosphere of listlessness. If we do anything other than watching something together, it’s because I brought it up and planned it.
I want to bring this topic up with him, because it’s affecting our relationship and my attraction to him, but I want to be as sensitive as possible about it. I have brought this up a couple times, but he gets super defensive and alludes to a bunch of things he’s been thinking about getting into (but never has).
tldr: my boyfriend has been unemployed for 8 months and I’ve lost respect for him because of how I feel he wastes his time. I need help figuring out how to bring this up sensitively.
Comments
> I’ve tried to gently suggest that he get a certification or use this time to think more deeply about the kind of career he wants (he has been unhappy in the career path he’s been taking), maybe take up one of the creative hobbies he’s talked about being interested in, get a part time job or side hustle, or just do anything productive with even some of his ample free time.
And what is his response? Is he even attempting to apply for jobs?
Has he been applying to jobs?
My husband was unemployed when we got married actually. It really took a toll on his mental health and kind of prevented him from taking any actions for improvement and he pretty much just played video games all day long. Maybe your boyfriend is dealing with some depression?
sounds like he conned you into being his provider and doesn’t want to change anything. good for him I guess
Probably depressed.
Get him to see a Dr. Not having a job can make people have a low view of themselves, their worth as a person, and their view of future prosperity.