my sister is 7, and she got mad at me and ripped and drew all over these books that i bought and was really excited for. it wouldn’t be that big of a deal but they were expensive and im only allowed to work in summer (due to watching her) so i bought it w money im supposed to be saving and i can’t repurchase.
this isn’t the first time she ruined my stuff on purpose, and this time i cursed her out and called her a bitch and other things bc i was so angry. my mom is making me apologize to her for that and doesn’t tell her she did anything wrong. she only comforted her for being upset that i yelled and cursed at her
how can i teach her it isn’t okay? the last time she did it i cried in front of her and said it made me sad and she acted nice but then does it again next time she gets mad at me. i’m hoping she will grow out of it but i feel like 7 is already old enough to understand and she’s just choosing to do it anyways
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At 7 she knows exactly what she is doing and letting it slide is only teaching her that your boundaries do not matter. Protect your things stay calm and make her earn back trust so she learns destruction comes with real consequences.
That is the parent’s job. I dont think you as a kid should be taking on parent’s job. You should hold parent’s accountable for not raising her right. Also it would be better for you to not own anything valuable until you have a safe space where you can store it instead of having it accessible to someone who is too young and chaotic. Secure or find a proper way to keep things safe away from your sister first.
This is NOT your sister’s fault. It IS the fault of your parents. They aren’t doing their job, and you need to hold them accountable for her behavior.
If I were you, I would let them know that they are responsible for replacing the damaged items and that you will not be responsible for watching their unruly daughter until the following criteria have been met:
AND
No exceptions will be made. They want a babysitter, they’re going to treat you with respect. End of story.
Start ripping up her things, hide her favourite stuffy
maybe google “what can I to do to impart lessons and build bonds, above and beyond “calling them a bitch” which I already tried”
Destroy something of hers or at least pretend to that’s the most efficient way.
There is no way to teach her. That is on the parents and something you have absolutely no control over.
What you DO have control over is protecting your stuff. Get a lock for your bedroom door and keep the key VERY hidden. Get a separate lock box for your special items. If she destroys something of yours, inform her that she will have to give up something of hers to you. And stand by that statement.
Your parents can’t make you apologize to your sister. They cannot make you do anything, technically. So you need to mature up and set those boundaries/ protect your things
Take your receipts to your parents and ask for the money to replace the things she destroyed.
The only way you can teach her is how you behave with her. If she is bad you need to treat her like she’s naughty. Keep your interaction to a minimum, don’t do anything fun with her. Ignore her. And when she is good do the opposite, talk to her nicely, do fun things together. Then every time she is bad you make the ignoring her last longer. Tell her she was bad. Tell her you don’t interact with bad people. Tell her how disappointed you are. And make her acknowledge what she did and apologise before being nice again. If your parents won’t teach her how to behave you’ll have to. At 7 she is old enough to understand consequences, so her consequences are that you will do the minimum until she can convince you she won’t do it again
It sounds like she has some pretty big feelings. Was she mad at you beforehand, or was she just mad and went for your things?
Does she appear to regret her actions?
If she does, when you are both having a nice time together (even if it’s not for another few days) you could tell her it’s not OK to do that. Be clear and direct but then move the topic on and make sure you try to have a nice time together soon after.
I know where you were going with this but making her feel like she upset you might work at her feeling remorse for now, but if she did it because she was mad at you, it might make it more likely she does it again. This is because in that moment she feels out of control and doesn’t know what to do with her feelings, and is wanting to make a reaction in you so she’s not alone with them – she wants you to feel mad so she doesn’t feel alone with it. Yeah it’s not nice but it’s what happens when kids can’t regulate emotions.
Not suggesting you should stand in and parent the child, I don’t know your age but you seem too young for that responsibility, but here’s some info that might make it easier to cope. It’s easier for people to feel mad than sad and so the overall goal to help anyone with their emotions is to get them to say “ouch” instead of trying to hurt back (it’s very effective at easing anger and works with adults). In our house, if we see our toddler is about to boil over, we might say we can see his “big feelings”.. this helps him observe himself and takes the shame out of it, because we know he doesn’t mean it and don’t want him to think we are scared of him or his emotions, because that will make things worse long term. Instead we try help him identify where he got “hurt feelings”. “When X snatched your toy, did that hurt your feelings?” etc. It has helped a lot.
It might be helpful to think what kind of consequence would you like to see your mum use? Not to excuse it, but it sounds like your mum might be exhausted and overwhelmed and taking the easy way out. Maybe you could chat to your mum about what seems reasonable and hopefully she listens and that makes it easier to enforce next time. Have this chat on a good day, if you’re in a good place together she’s more likely to listen.
Also, you’re doing a great job. It’s not fair on either of you to be in this position but I can see you’re doing the best you can and you deserve more than this…. And want to reiterate that this isn’t your responsibility so you don’t have to be doing any of this, it’s just for information.
You can’t, not with a mom like that. The only thing you can do, from this point forward, is to protect your stuff. Hide it. Find a way to keep it under lock and key. Keep it in your school locker, during the school year, at least. Ask trusted friends to keep stuff at their house. Put a lock on your bedroom door, if you’re not sharing a room with her, and if your mom will agree. And stop buying nice things, so that when your sister destroys it, you’re not out a lot of money.
Also, ask your mom if it’s okay for you to destroy her things. When she says No, ask her why it’s okay for your sister to destroy your things. But I think you should begin NOW planning on how to get out of that house and support yourself when you graduate from high school because unless your mom has a change of heart, she’s going to continue to let your sister get away with lots more, not just destroying your stuff.
Tear up something of hers
This is your parents’ fault. They need to replace your shit.
why is your mom not disciplining her?
This might be weird, but is there any hope of fixing the books? Iron out the crumpled pages, tape up the rips, erase pencil marks? If so, sometime when you are watching her can you make her help you fix them? Maybe after the discussion of how it made you feel that another commenter recommended.
It might be good lesson. Sometimes when we get mad we yell, and call names, and break things. We might feel bad after, but part of taking responsibility for ourselves is saying sorry to the person we hurt, and trying to fix things.
Can you move out
Perhaps she needs attention and is acting out
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crying in front of her to try to guilt her is manipulation. talk to her. hide your stuff. tell her it’s not acceptable. mom clearly isnt parenting if she can only express her feelings by bringing harm, similar to the crying thing.
This isn’t normal behaviour for a 7 y/o, it’s something your parents have to deal with either with a doctor.
All I can think of, really, is to lock your things away somehow so that she cannot get to them, I’m sorry.
Do the same to something of hers shes 99% discarded. Then u can have a conversation
Not everyone is going to like this response, but it sounds like you need to have a good proper fight with your sister to me. She is old enough to know what she is doing. If your parents are not stepping in, it is only natural that you give her a hard time for it. Furthermore, I think that these kinds of sibling rivalry fight are developmentally positive because strangers generally care a lot less about you than family does. Upset the wrong person as an adult, and very bad things happen.