I’m a 17M, and my girlfriend is 15F. We’ve been together for a year (online) and finally planned to meet in person. However, my mom (39F) is completely against it, even though I’ve confirmed my girlfriend is real multiple times (lol). We’ve discussed safety, and both my girlfriend and I feel comfortable meeting.
At first, my mom seemed okay with it, but now she’s refusing. The meeting spot is 8 hours away on foot but less than 30 minutes by car. I offered to walk, but she still won’t allow it. She claims it’s not about my safety—she’s afraid for herself and says she “doesn’t want to die” (her words, double lol).
I’m a loner with no friends, homeschooled, and stuck inside 24/7. School is my only focus, and I’m constantly pressured to perform perfectly. With my girlfriend, I finally feel human—not like a robot expected to meet impossible standards. This meeting meant everything to me, and now I’m just exhausted.
What should I do? (Note: My girlfriend has no way to travel to me.) Any advice would be appreciated.
Comments
Your mom’s fear sounds irrational but your life is being ruled by it and that’s the real danger. Earn her trust with a detailed safety plan but play the long game because freedom is coming and with it your shot at real connection.
Why can’t your gf meet you somewhere if it’s only a 30 min car ride away? Then your mom can maybe meet her and then feel more comfortable
Your feelings are valid but your mom is likely scared about the age difference and meeting someone from online. She may be anxious about risks she does not fully understand. Stay calm and avoid pushing or making threats. Suggest meeting in a public place where she can come along and meet your girlfriend. Show responsibility to build her trust over time. You are not overreacting. You just want something important to you.
When you say you’ve confirmed she’s real, have you had a video chat with her and her parents and your mum all at the same time to discuss meeting up?
Honestly, I would have your mom talk to your girlfriend and her parents to plan something out. The girlfriend is still young, not driving age yet. This isn’t just about your safety but also her safety, too. If she’s keeping you secret from her family (for whatever reason), I would tread with caution. It could be really complicated.
Include your mom in the meeting-
Since she’s 15 I would prioritize meeting her parents first maybe over videochat and then in person. Also, have your Mom talk to your gf parents so she can see what kind of people they are. Find ways to ease her mind if you can.
You need to find a compromise first before the drastic (in her eyes) move to meet her. I’m really concerned about you being kept inside 24/7. Like really concerned. Do you not have a homeschooling group or anyone outside of home/any activities? Any other trusted adults in your life? As a teacher when we hear about parents completely isolating their kids with varying excuses we get very concerned. Usually it’s fear based and they pass those fears onto their kids but I want you to put meeting your girlfriend on the back burner (as hard as it is), and look at the bigger picture of the very unhealthy dynamic you described.
Can you focus for a little while on broadening your life? This might mean looking at and forming a plan for getting out, whether that means emancipation, getting a job at McDonald’s and a roommate and most importantly your GED. If you go meet this girl in person and she’s been your only person in your life outside of your mom, you’re setting yourself up for a VERY unhealthy relationship because you’ll be dependent on her for all your emotional needs when you need first to build that independence yourself. But find a trusted adult to help you who might not be as connected to your mom. If you were younget than you are I wouldn’t give you this advice but you’re almost a legal adult and this whole situation is very odd.
If i were you, i would first let your mom meet her trough a video call. Gain trust in her that way. Hopefully she will see that she can be trusted and that it is somewhat of a serious relationship. I get that this can be quite awkward at first, but this would make your mom way more comfortable of you actually meeting her. Keep in mind that your mom caring that much is a good thing, she does it out of love.
Bring a male friend or 2 who can protect you in case of,its not what you thought it was and meet in a busy place in the day time, succes
Know this..not everybody is who they say they are.
I would hope that her parents also aren’t allowing their 15 year old daughter to meet a stranger from the internet.
Your mom doesn’t want to be a grandmother quite yet.
And you don’t want to be a father either, especially not with a 15-year old! That would be a felony in many areas, and your mother doesn’t want to pay for a lawyer any more than she wants to become a grandmother.
you were homeschooled but not enrolled in any sports or other “after school” activities?
Do you have any access to any social services? Your mother keeping you locked up at home 24/7 is not okay. She’s isolating you from the world, and that’s abusive.
Meeting a 15-year-old girl isn’t as important right now as getting help for yourself.
you’re going to be 18 sooner then she will be. This isn’t a good idea. And your mom has a right to her concerns for you. Meeting up with people on the internet is dangerous or it can be. Have you faced timed with her at all? Has your mom talk to her mom? How does her mom feel about her daughter soon be be dating a 18 year old boy? These are important questions. It feels like the end of the world but your moms life experience is what’s making the right decisions for you right now. I dont know what state your in but 16 to 18 is not legal.
I understand why your mum won’t let you meet her you’re both under 18. And could be dangerous if it’s not her who turns up. I’d wait until she’s 18. It’s better to meet people first in person like through clubs or work. Make sure if you do ever meet her that it’s in a public place where there’s people around.
I’m sorry for you..! I don’t have many options to suggest to you that weren’t already told, but here’s my best shot :
Be open to your mom.
Not to convince her, not to argue, but to let her see how you truly feel.
Maybe seeing that she’ll want to find options despite her fears.
Good luck 🤞
Listen to your mom.
Have a video call with you and your mother, and your girlfriend and her parents. Have everyone meet on that video call before hand, discuss the meet up, all that jazz. Meetup somewhere super public like a restaurant and have both the parents and your mother come as well. Basically, have everyone meet at the same time at the same time to build trust
Rebel. It’ll be a good experience for your future. People will give you a million reasons why you shouldn’t do something, but sometimes it’s best to just do it anyways. What is she going to do, kick you out? The Golden child she bottle fed for the past 17 years lmfao. Walking is obviously stupid. Ride a bike or take a bus or figure something out. Use your brain to make this viable. Even if your legs hold out for 8 hours, you could get heat stroke or some shit
She is 15 dude and you started when she was 14 and you are 17. If you show up at my house for my 15-year-old you will get airmailed back to your parents with a note to raise you better.
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Have a video call with your mom, gf, and gf’s parents so you can all “meet” and be on the same page
Considering the things you see in the news, I sort of get why your mum is scared though. It’s not hard for a girl to fake looking 15 as well.
When I first met my husband’s family, they thought I was 15, his neighbours also thought the same. It was pretty awkward considering he was 23 at the time and I was actually 21 (a month away from turning 22), but they thought he was trying to date a schoolgirl lol
People can unfortunately lie sometimes when it comes to dating online. Your mum’s fears are valid but I also get where you’re coming from too. Ask your mum what would make her feel better about meeting, what would convince her? I definitely agree with the other comments mentioning involving her parents too, idk where you’re from and what the laws are like.
your mom’s refusal, however extreme it may sound, is likely coming from a place of fear, not control. She’s probably scared of something going wrong. not necessarily with your girlfriend, but with everything else: the travel, online risks, personal responsibility, even judgment from others. It might feel irrational to you (and you’ve clearly done your part to be responsible and transparent), but from her perspective, it could be emotionally overwhelming, especially if she’s already anxious or protective. The “doesn’t want to die” line might sound dramatic, but it hints at deep fear or even past trauma that you may not be fully aware of.
Well, if “home-schooled” you’re kind of fucked.
Your mother is likely a psycho, and I can’t advise.
I’m very sorry for you.
Good thing. That screams scammer
Are there public transit options?
15 woahh steady on pal
Dude…not a 15 year old. That’s jail bait. Either wait until she’s 16 or don’t do it at all.
You are 17. Why are you still listening to your mom?
I would make sure gfs parents are okay with it though as she is only 15.
Ngl if she was my daughter I would also not agree for her to meet you. Both your parents better get buddy buddy so they can look after you both
“I finally feel human – like a robot”
– uses ai to write a reddit post
But you’re homeschooled, and your mom says (she) doesn’t want to die so she refuses to take you out, are you homeschooled before your mum is outside or something? so your mom isn’t saying you CAN’T see her, just she won’t take you? is there any other ride option available? is a ride service like Uber or taxi available?
Have you seen her parents online via video? I can understand your mother’s concern -people can lure unsuspecting teens this way, especially those who are isolated.
You would be willing to walk to her ,8 hours on foot? Seems a bit extreme. How do you guys plan to see each other otherwise? If you’re both broke and live that far apart…🤷🏾♀️
I also wouldn’t allow my 15 year old to meet someone from the Internet, alone.
Your mom is right.
Do you have any adults who could talk to your mom for you? An aunt or uncle, family friend? Someone you could video chat with the girlfriend with so she could see she’s real and vouch for you?
maybe she’d be able to drive to you if she wasn’t freshly 15
As someone who met their so online, I think you should wait until you’re both adults to meet and have a relationship. I would focus on moving out of your mom’s house as soon as you turn 18 though as it sounds like she’s a bit abusive from the other comments