Hi all, me and my husband live in a tiny rural village with our dog.
We walk him twice a day, sometimes alone or together depending on how busy we are.
For around a year now, there’s been a woman (probably around late 40s), that we bump into every day or so walking her dog.
If she sees us and is going the opposite way, she’ll actively stop or turn around to speak to us, nothing too strange but if you let her, she’ll kind of just weirdly follow you around the park without saying anything.
I deal with this by walking straight up to her and asking “Hi! How are you and dog? Good to see you!” and then once she’s answered I’ll tell her I’m sorry but I’m in a rush, and I’ll speed off before she has time to respond.
My husband struggles with this a bit more, he doesn’t want to talk to her and feels uncomfortable but struggles getting out of the conversation.
Today, my husband walked the dog alone. As he was entering the park, she was on her way to leave, he noticed in the corner of his eye her turn around and start heading the other way when she saw him.
She went to stop at a bench she knew he walks past to wait for him. My partner decided he didn’t want to speak to her as she makes him uncomfortable, so he went a different way. 20 minutes later he’s on his way back and she’s still there, so he decides to sit and play a bit further away with the dog for a while, he said she’s staring at him the whole time. He phones me and says “I can’t leave the park because woman is staring at me and blocking my exit” and says he’ll be a bit late home whilst he waits for her to leave.
I phone him back a bit later when he still isn’t home, and he says he got up to leave a different way (a long way) and she started following him back that way and took a short cut to cut ahead of him. He’s then bumped into her and just turned around on the spot to get away. In total she was waiting for him for over an hour.
He arrives home seeming quite upset. I think she is harmless albeit lonely and a bit mentally unstable, but he pointed out if it was me and it was a man acting like this, we’d likely perceive it differently which I agreed with.
There’s not really anywhere else we can walk our dog and I think she keeps an eye on the road sometimes waiting for us to go past.
I’m not sure what to make of it or if we should do anything? It’s the kind of small village where if you say the wrong thing to someone then everyone hates you – everyone seems to know our names and where we live and we’ve never even met them before!
Comments
Your husband needs to do the same thing you do.
My aunt has one of these in her village and she’s desperately lonely. She’s a little developmentally delayed and lived with her elderly mother until her mom passed and now she only has her dog. She really believes her dog is the secret to making friends because true, dogs do open conversations she can’t open by herself. But any friendliness she gets desperate to hold onto. My aunt resorts to saying, “it’s so good to see you, but I’m gonna have to let you guys go past, we’re dealing with fleas right now”. Or other versions of “I will let you go now, I’ve got something on the stove”. It’s annoying but it’s part of village life.
She’s probably just lonely and kind of awkward
Ask down the village pub, your get your answers.
Most likly very lonely and a bit harmless.
I don’t know if this will be helpful, but have you tried talking to her about this behavior? From your post, I gather you do small talk before making a quick exit, which if she’s lonely or confused, she might not realize you’re trying to avoid her.
So, why not speak to her? Mention she’s made you and your husband feel a little bit uncomfortable, and either ask her to stop altogether, or mention a more predictable alternative, such as getting together once a week to chat and walk the dogs? Small villages mean community naturally, don’t they?
Just my 2 cents.
What does she say when you talk to her about your perceptions / concerns?
We had one of these and she’d occasionally turn up at our garden gate to visit our dogs. She was a bit weird but ultimately harmless and we just used to let her tag along. It did no harm.
Use your phone, be on a phone call so that you can avoid her. I’ve done that a few times 🙂
Why don’t you ask her if there’s a particular reason that she follows you and your wife when you walk your dog? Not knowing your area I wondered if she felt safer walking near other people rather than alone. But, what you shared today makes it sound like there must be another reason.
You have limited years on earth and you’re spending a chunk of the day trapped in the park because you’re too nervous to tell a woman you don’t know that you’re busy and to go away. Stop being so worried about seeming rude; if you want her to go away then say so, entertaining her under these false pretences won’t earn you any brownie points. Stop wasting your own time
Sounds like she’s very lonely. And probably not quite confident to open a conversation. Would it do you any harm to make small talk with her whilst you’re walking the dog? I think that’s probably the most community and humanity-spirited option. You’re walking the dog anyway, just chat to her as you go around. Doesn’t have to make the walk longer. I always take time out of my day to talk to someone who seems lonely, it costs me very little and makes a huge difference to them. For all you know, she might become a great free dog-sitter for when you go on holiday!
I’m a bit concerned for your husband because he is so intimidated by an obviously lonely and odd woman. Is he this timid in other areas of life?
Do you know that her hanging about might be the only interaction she has with people all day? All week? My gut tells me she is very lonely.
She could just be assuming she’s making friends or at least trying to.
Doesn’t make it less irritating however.
Where my husband works, an old guy comes in once a week or so. He’s not a customer. Never purchases anything. Just makes his rounds talking to the staff snd managers.
Just seems to be lonely. No family. He’s just looking for some human interaction and has made his workplace part of his routine.
They all humour him and make sure to light up and be jovial when he arrives.
She’s very lonely and possibly a little slow upstairs. She sounds harmless. Part of living in a society is being a little considerate of those who have a harder time than ourselves. It apparently means everything for this woman to get a little human contact. Is it a bit uncomfortable? Sure. But would you rather she went and shut up and died alone in her house? One of you will be alone some day and might awkwardly reach out like this.
It sounds like it would also do your husband good to learn some life skills like you have.. how not to get held prisoner in a park by a lonely dog walker. You should help him develop strategies to confidently deal with her. Aim for a two minute interaction and a polite separation. This is a skill he should have as a functioning human. What happens if you die first and he is the one who’s too afraid to leave the house in case an uncomfortable interaction happens?
Giving this poor lady a couple minutes of your time is a small sacrifice to brighten her day. Feel good about it. It would probably mean the world to her to part ways with “well I’m sure I’ll see you tomorrow, have a great day”. Give her something to look forward to.
Be good to people.
Is your husband the most passive and avoidant human being in the world?