Throwaway account
My(30F) boyfriend (28M) of 6 months is asking me to marry him. We started off without any plans to marry and his parents had already looked for a girl for him to marry, though he was not on board with that fact. We started dating and I started seeing that he had anger issues and this came to the point that I started becoming normal to it and decided to keep up with it till we both had to seperate eventually. But he knew nothing of this, because I think he never thought much about it.
Now a month back, his parents started hounding him to get engaged with that other girl and my boyfriend asked me if I would marry him, I said no and told him of all the things that bothered me. He tried to persuade me a lot that he loves me and that he will change himself. He had also stopped smoking because he wanted to marry me. He told me that he would give me time to reconsider about this and will change as much as he can and this was initially 2 weeks and he kept on dragging this.
Yesterday, again I said no, and in the meanwhile I had started getting scared of him a little bit, now knowing when he would get angry. He got angry if I would not love him or care for him. He said that he loves me very much and that I will never find someone who would love me this much. That he has done so much to deserve to marry me. And that arrange marriage or some other guy might not be as adjusting.
At this point, I am very confused, as obviously a part of me loves him and does not like to see him this way. He always had good intentions for me, but has anger issues. But at the same time, this is about my life, and parents will also get involved.
Comments
You guys aren’t compatible, move on
Him saying “some other guy may not be as adjusting” is VERY telling IMO. It’s like he’s trying to make it seem like he’s doing you a favor. Anger issues are a HUGE problem and can lead to many types of abuse…you being this unsure about it 6 months in is definitely a sign not to tie the knot anytime soon.
Don’t do it if you’re not 100% in love. It seems like he’s getting pushed by his parents to get married more so than him actually wanting to get married.
Don’t marry someone that you need to change in order to have a good relationship. If you’re really interested in making it work, I’d recommend a relationship counselor.
Say no the marriage.
Dump his angry dumb ass.
Run for the hills.
Run, run very fast!!!
He’s a toxic man clearly. Him saying “nobody will love you as much as me” makes it unforgivably obvious that he is manipulative and one day he could use his anger to manipulate you. No need to drag the process out and make it harder. If you don’t feel save I recommend you breakup with him in a public place or in the same house as your family or friends. If he doesn’t want to go to therapy and work on his anger issues and all of those other things he clearly has going on in his head then he doesn’t love you enough to marry you and regardless of that point you shouldn’t waste your times on the “buts” and the “what ifs”
You need to read what you wrote, he is under the gun to get married, his anger scares you, and he is claiming he can change. You can’t change people he has shown you exactly who he is. Believe him and get out while you still can.
Marry him. Anger is the common habit of men.
His issues won’t get better.
There’s the red flag of asking someone you barely know to marry you after only six months, then you have a field full of red flags right behind that waving in the wind like Poppy flowers in an opium field.
Someone telling you that you will not find someone who loves you this much after only six months of you being together is a massive red flag for me. It takes at least a year imo to really get to know someone, if not more.
The fact that you are seeing anger issues in what should be the early ‘honeymoon’ stages of your relationship, is a very clear indicator of what’s to come.
I’m not sure what there is to be confused about. It seems very clear to me that this relationship is moving too quickly and that there are very alarming warning signs already. Get out whilst you still can would be my advice. You don’t want to be married to someone with ‘anger issues’. It’s only a matter of time before that anger escalates and guess who will be the target.
Sorry, but NO.
If you’ve experienced his mum’s pressure, directly and from BF, it’s not shaping up to be a healthy relationship. That your BF is pleased with changing himself to try to be his view of the best fit for you, shows his desperation to ‘hook you”.
Your self-respect and self-care suggest you need to distance yourself from this guy. Your sense of fear and instability is your gut instant; run fast, your well-being requires you to give yourself freedom from the potential risks and burdens from staying with this relationship.