When i (m32) started at my job a few months ago, I began to work alongside this woman (26). Initially I thought nothing of her but over time we conversed, enjoyed each other’s company, and we’d inadvertently make the same jokes/comments together. I know she’s not into me like that but I can’t stop thinking about her. Everything i do now is just an attempt distract myself from her. I’ve had this happen before when i was younger but i got burned every time. Now being in my 30s i thought this shit would subside but it’s the same as ever.
And here’s the real kicker, I’m married. However, my job right keeps me away from home months at a time. Now she visits every now and then but even now I get angry and upset at myself for feeling this way about another woman. I can’t talk about his with the only person I talk to and who calms me down. I genuinely don’t know where to turn to. I just want to stop this feeling.
Comments
First, does your wife know she visits occasionally? Also yeah that is definitely an issue and to avoid this issue I think you need to be more in contact with your wife whether that be phone calls or more frequent texting. You’re in a committed life long relationship and it’s good that you recognize that your thoughts are wrong but you should try to cut contact down if you really are getting feelings like that.
You’re playing with fire and pretending it’s just a candle. Starve the spark by pulling back refocusing on your wife and remembering that no passing thrill is worth burning down years of trust.
You can have feelings for someone and decide to maintain your vows.
It’s pretty much where the phrase “let cooler heads prevail” came from.
There’s no advice for feelings. You made a promise, you can either keep it or you can’t.
Sounds like you’re just dealing with a crush brain glitch. It happens, but the key is not feeding it. Limit one-on-one time, keep convos work-only, and refocus that energy on your wife or hobbies. Crushes fade way faster when you stop giving them screen time in your head.
It’s tough when your mind plays tricks like that, especially when you care about your marriage. Maybe try focusing on what your relationship means to you and remind yourself that friendly moments don’t always mean more. Being patient with yourself helps.
“However, my job right keeps me away from home months at a time.”
What kind of job keeps you away from home for months, but has you working with young women…not that I’m looking for a career change or anything…