I don’t think there’s really any action I can take that wouldn’t bring harm on the kid, but I thought I’d ask.
Basically, my neighbors kid is super quiet and doesn’t make eye contact or talk to people (that I’ve witnessed).
I only ever see her with her dad, who I get a yikes vibe from. (He peaks at my delivered groceries and likes to tell me how unhealthy I am. I’m like I get it, I eat shit, could you fuck off tho) Anyway, a couple days ago I said hi to the kid, and she didn’t respond, like usual.
The dad then said “[kid’s name] respond!” and then he looked at me and said “sorry, she’s stupid.”
Idk, it just freaked me out and made me so sad for the kid. There’s probably nothing I can do, but I gotta ask.
Comments
That’s fucked, and emotional abuse. I’m not sure if its on the level where you call CPS, but you may want to call the school she goes to and ask to talk to her counselor about her concerns. They’re in a much better position to have private 1 on 1’s with the girl, and also judge whether she needs help.
It’s not okay and also there’s not much you can do. I’d smile at the kid and say hi even if they never acknowledge you. They need to know that an adult sees them and is kind. If you’re ever in that position again I’d stare blankly and say something like “what an odd thing to say about your own child” and then just walk away. Make being a bad person uncomfortable but don’t get into a debate. If you hear any signs that indicate violence, you see the child repeatedly in days when they should be in school, etc then a welfare call is absolutely appropriate.
If you’re ever in the position to give the kid a compliment, do it. It would make her day.
I hate seeing posts like this. It just breaks my heart to know that the world is so unfair to people at such a young age. I hope that child has an amazing teacher, coach, friend, someone. I could never imagine talking to a child like that. How can you even think those words much less allow them come out of your mouth like you’re just stating a fact.
We don’t need that guy here. Wish we could just vote him off the island.
Giving her a compliment is a good example that not every adult is a shit bag like her dad.
The kid needs some support or encouragement. Someone to boost her self confidence because something at home is stifling it. Idk how you are with words, but if you get the chance, just encourage her. Tell her she’s smart and brave and not to let anyone call her stupid again. Not even her parents.
Thanks for the replies everybody, this is very helpful!
please, if you suspect something is happening to the child to reflect this behavior, please please just call your states ChildProtectiveService & have them do a child welfare check for possible abuse/neglect. please. better safe than sorry & if something happens, you would hate if you never took action you could have.
i’m currently in school for this right now. calling a kid stupid is not a crime, but her behavior is alarming at the least & it speaks volumes for a child.
I went to a village school in the 90’s. With a teacher like that. Who hit us, threw our books through the air, humiliated us, called us names. All that.
I am quite strong, but it was hard at that time. Sometimes I dreamt years later about fighting him. Or asking him why. He died recently before his age.
I do not see the pupils who are now adults ofcourse that often. They do not remember, do not care that much.
On the other hand, it hardens you. If somebody is mean, I tell them they are, but I do not care anymore.
Jesus, that’s rough. If you are able to talk with the kid at all, some meaningful interaction would mean the WORLD to her. Speaking from experience. There are adults who gave me literal seconds of their time when I was young and I still remember it as being so meaningful. Even if it doesn’t seem like she acknowledges it now, she WILL remember it later.
She may be shy, she may be autistic (which would go hand in hand with his “stupid” comment, as ignorant uneducated people believe that having autism makes one stupid 😤 ).
You could have responded with “Nah, she’s definitely not stupid, I see intelligence in those eyes” and smiled at her.
But for the future, try and have something ready to say that compliments her, while shutting down the dad speaking to her that way.
It’s really sad, and I hate hearing stuff like this
I mean she reads sort of stupid
That 11 yo girl’s dad is stupid.
It’s not against the law, you can always make a good faith call to CPS but they’ll do nothing… a paper trail tho.. because if he’s saying this in public what is he saying in private. But at the end of the day you can’t do shit but watch
She’s probably just shy. I was like that as a kid. If my parent told me I was stupid because of that… it would’ve taken me a lot longer to come out my shell.
You can call cps for emotional abuse. That’s what I got taken away for
I’d respond with “wow what a shitty thing to say about your daughter” and walk away, he doesn’t deserve the time to give any explanation, being insulted by your parents is abusive and traumatizing and leads to cptsd, which I have from my own parental situation
There might be something you can do. If you know which school she attends, take your observations to the admin there. Ask them to have staff keep an eye on her. Document everything you observe -if you notice any bruising at all, anything you hear from their end. Don’t let on. If you notice things escalating, call CPS and give them all your info.
I had a little neighbour girl who I gave a ride to school sometimes. Her parent was quite abusive in the neglect area and also narcissistic. One day when I picked the girl up her mom said in front of her daughter, “take her and don’t bring her back” I said you don’t really mean that! She said “yep, don’t bring her back.” This is still hard to think about, just writing it. I wonder where this girl is now.
I knew her teacher so told her what had happened. The school kept a lookout for the girl. Child protection didn’t need to be contacted because the mom called them herself a few months later and told them to come and get her kids – she was desperate to get back into drugs. Mom informed me what she’d done… knowing this I called child protection to give them my information. She will never get her kids back.
I’d say that what the child will believe about himself/herself. Then suggest she/he may be non-responsive. Labels cause self-esteem issues so we need to rephrase negatives.
Call cops or tell the school
I really hope this isn’t real but always acknowledge both her and her father. Then give her serious side winky eye so perhaps you are a safe place.
This is abuse, but I don’t think the authorities care about the verbal kind.
What you could do is provide counter programming to the dad’s abuse. This girl has been raised to believe she’s stupid, and probably a lot of other bad things. You can be the adult who tells her those things aren’t true.
I don’t know how much contact you can have with this girl, but at the extreme end, you can maybe teach her a hobby or a topic you are interested in, which will give you lots of opportunities to tell her she’s smart and capable. Maybe hire her to help with tasks in the house or yard, and then conversations can give you opportunities to tell her she is insightful. Or maybe just continue to see her, and teach her that it’s not always unsafe to be seen. (Abused children sometimes learn to become invisible as a defense, so maybe that’s why she didn’t say hello.)
If you know what school she attends, you could go there and tell a counselor what you saw. They won’t be able to say anything to you, but the information may help them serve her better than before.
Bottom line, you can’t change this guy’s behavior, but you can provide her with hope in other ways.